Daily Limerick
Delightfully Offensive since 1999! Contains Immature (not 'mature') Content; but just in case... If You're a Minor, Go Away!
Edited by Chief Limericist Sloop Biederman, humorist from MAD Magazine to the Chicago Tribune's RedEye, L.A.'s Comedy Store to Chicago Comedy Festival...
Sunday, May 24, 2015
Send your own Letter to the Idiot (attach sexy pics if you must... Sigh):
missives@dailylimerick.net
(c)1999-2015 John "Sloop" Biederman
Sloop and the Magnificent Musical Nut Wagon
SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 5/24/2015:
Let's reclaim God--make the decision--
from anti-sex, anti-science pigeons!
To me, seems God gels!
Don't know what the hell
that has to do with whacked "religion"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 5/24/2015:
How many Kardashians does it take to change a lightbulb?

We're not sure of that answer, but more than a million would apparently watch…thousands of media types would cover what happened…and another thousand media types would cover the coverage of the incident…

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 5/24/2015:
A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY
(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: The Basement Alarm
I recently completed the year-ish long project of cleaning out the family estate home following the deaths of my parents. This entailed moving tons of items, or "junk," from room to room for cleaning/assessing/keeping, then gathered for the estate sale, then having the remainder tossed into a dumpster.

Before the dumpster step in this process, this left two rooms, basement and garage, housing piles and piles of what was then left.

I lived out in the country home, mostly, despite having another home/work/etc. in Chicago, while engaging in this process. I discovered, when spending time in the kitchen, that the basement, through a door and down a stairway from the kitchen, contained something that emitted an alarm sound at some regular point each day, in the afternoon.

With repeated hearings of this alarm, I honed-in on the general time it did its thing, then decided that, when I heard it, I'd run down to the basement to locate the source of it. Mostly out of curiosity, as it wasn't loud or long enough to disturb me and, of course, it was going to be trashed soon anyway.

Well… I'd get halfway down the stairway and the damn alarm would stop.

So I honed-in even closer to the exact time of the alarm, steeled myself at the ready and prepared for an Olympic-style dash to locate the source.

Damned short alarm, I tell ya'. Couldn't catch the device in the act.

Then came the dumpster day and, of course, I never heard the alarm again.

I suppose there's a metaphor or something in this tale. It's up to you to figure it out, Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers. I just wanted to toss a real edition out there, committed to ending the regular weeks off for this feature after a hectic year of estate chaos, which should happen… Oh, just after I file that Big News Edition I keep hinting at… Not far off… Seriously…
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