Daily Limerick
Archives: February 2000

Contains Mature (and immature) Content;If You’re a Minor, Go Away!

 

NOTE: DL has not yet taken the time to put "anchors" into the archives. Translation: You're gonna have to scroll all the way through the long-ass documents (use your "find" commands, squatlicks)!

 

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The DAILY LIMERICK. Celebrating 6 months of Tom Foolery! Did somebody say... Daily Limerick?

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2/1/2000

A young girl from Madagascar

desired her first date to go far

but her mother said

not to go to bed

so she boffed her date in a car.

2/2/2000

A girl who made valentine hearts

adds beans for all the sugar parts

for protein—can’t beat ’em

but all who do eat ’em

give plenty of valentine farts.

2/3/2000

There once was a man from Nantucket

whose schlong was so big, he did tuck it.

All deepthroats, they did fail

’til he met a sperm whale

and then finally someone could suck it.

2/4/2000

A young girl who had just used Nair

fell victim to seducer’s stare.

Dropped her pants, like a slut

and he licked like a mutt

and he gained mustache of public hair.

2/5/2000

A man they called Wee Willie Black

just loved ladies nails to attack.

One day nailed a real phony—

after pumping baloney

she left Lee Press-On Nails in his back.

2/6/2000

There once was a man from Nairobi

who trimmed up his pubes with a flo-be.

But the flo-be went wack

and he ripped up his sack

and so now he’s afraid to disrobe-y.

2/7/2000

There was a queer boy named Laroo

who dressed in a sky-colored blue

so that when he’d grant favors

all the men that he savors

could call him their little boy blue (blew).

2/8/2000

A porn producer was once conned

by a hack who, of Fondas, was fond

so his next leading starlet

was a platinum-haired starlet

he named the flick “On Golden Blonde.”

2/9/2000

A taste test for “Tacos del Luna”

was held at the beach at Laguna

But a fellow named Feenie

slipped and licked a bikini

and said, “These tacos sure taste like tuna.”

2/10/2000

A man with a sexual fever

made out his will—and the receiver

of all of his stuff

was his wife’s fine muff

the will was called, “Left it to Beaver.”

2/11/2000

If Star Wars had been a gay job

with Han Solo craving some knob.

When Luke saved the day

if he didn’t get a lay

at least he would get a Han job.

2/12/2000

Some women who swore off male lugs

and turned their attentions to jugs

formed a charity

for lez sobri’ty

their motto became “rugs not drugs.”

2/13/2000

A man with blond hair named O’Hara

had a pubic mane that looked like Farrah.

At a beauty pageant

down his loose trousers went

and they crowned his cock with the tiara.

2/14/2000

When Cupid took wing like a sparrow

he shot a girl dancing Bolero.

She seduced; it got steamy

when the lovin’ got creamy

naughty Cupid shot more than an arrow.

2/15/2000

A young hooker named Cherry Phipps

earned all of her fees—plus got tips!

’Twas a gymnast, years back

so she had quite a knack

for performing sex amid backflips.

2/16/2000

There once was a lady named Lola

who sat in a tub of granola.

When Fred found her hole

in his breakfast bowl

he shot like a cap from a cola.

2/17/2000

There once was a horny young fellow

who humped a mushroom filled with Jello.

“What’d you do all day?”

he heard his wife say

and answered, “I stuffed portobello.”

2/18/2000

A chick who oft parted her thighs

turned her lust toward young fast food guys.

To one of the gents

gave thirty-nine cents

and asked to have it super-sized.

2/19/2000

There once was a man named McGee

who ate seventeen pounds of Brie.

A young lady named Liz

nicknamed him the “Cheez Whiz”

for he spouted out cheese when he’d pee.

2/20/2000

A fellow named Chuckie DeBoolery

would often engage in Tom foolery.

Burning the mischief oven

even during sweet lovin’

but at those times he’d call it Tom toolery.

2/21/2000

A man raised in the Poconoes

did have a Pinoccio nose

perhaps the only guy

whom chicks would beg to lie

so that they could remove all their clothes.

2/22/2000

A young lass with an Irish Setter

met a courteous man in Cheddar.

He had brown, trusting eyes

but his hand brought surprise

when she answered, “Of course you can pet her.”

2/23/2000

There was a young boy from Arruba

who one day caught a glimpse of boob-a

while marching in band

instead of a hand

he threw his wee-wee in his tuba.

2/24/2000

A food lovin’ guy, Jose Chupa

made love to cuisines and to soup-a.

He worked Taco Bell

’til he heard a yell,

“My God, Jose, drop the Chalupa!”

2/25/2000

A cashier in McDonald’s hat

tossed off through the drive-through and “Splat!”

a dame dabbling rouge

was hit by his spooj

he said, “Would you like fries with that?”

2/26/2000

A nutritionist from Gurnee

whole sold vitamins, A to Z

helped get a friend laid

and asked to be paid

for providing Vitamin P.

2/27/2000

A man with a ten-gallon hat

bought porn and Viagra and sat.

All day he would slap

his snake o’er his cap

and it filled up in three hours flat.

2/28/2000

A young artist who travelled with easel

and an old beat up truck run on diesel

painted dames for his food

lovely dames, in the nude

which would often give “pop” to his weasel.

2/29/2000

Since this day makes this a leap year

it’s reason to have one more beer

and if, by some chance,

there’s itch in your pants

just shift your old stick shift in gear.

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In July of 1999, one month before the All Limerick Slam at the 1999 National Poetry Slam festivities, I was bitten by a radioactive Leprechaun and the Daily Limerick was born. Suddenly, my path in life became clear. I was born to be a crusader for uncensored truth, justice and Limerick! Actually, I wanted to get an AUDIENCE for the Limerick Slam I’d be hosting and I was so amazed at the lack of enthusiasm for the project that I thought I’d send a Daily Limerick indefinitely! Plus, I won the Limerick Slam accidentally and wanted to give something back to the Limerick community! (Not too much, as there was no prize in it for me!) I’m committed to at least a year of the limericks—perhaps for the rest of my life, if we have enough subscribers!

By the way, I guarantee QUANTITY in limericks—one a day. I do not guarantee QUALITY limericks.

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