Daily Limerick Archives: February 2000
Contains Mature (and immature) Content;If You’re a Minor, Go Away!
NOTE: DL has not yet taken the time to put "anchors" into the archives. Translation: You're gonna have to scroll all the way through the long-ass documents (use your "find" commands, squatlicks)!
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The DAILY LIMERICK. Celebrating 6 months of Tom Foolery! Did somebody say... Daily Limerick?
A young girl from Madagascar
desired her first date to go far
but her mother said
not to go to bed
so she boffed her date in a car.
A girl who made valentine hearts
adds beans for all the sugar parts
for protein—can’t beat ’em
but all who do eat ’em
give plenty of valentine farts.
There once was a man from Nantucket
whose schlong was so big, he did tuck it.
All deepthroats, they did fail
’til he met a sperm whale
and then finally someone could suck it.
A young girl who had just used Nair
fell victim to seducer’s stare.
Dropped her pants, like a slut
and he licked like a mutt
and he gained mustache of public hair.
A man they called Wee Willie Black
just loved ladies nails to attack.
One day nailed a real phony—
after pumping baloney
she left Lee Press-On Nails in his back.
There once was a man from Nairobi
who trimmed up his pubes with a flo-be.
But the flo-be went wack
and he ripped up his sack
and so now he’s afraid to disrobe-y.
There was a queer boy named Laroo
who dressed in a sky-colored blue
so that when he’d grant favors
all the men that he savors
could call him their little boy blue (blew).
A porn producer was once conned
by a hack who, of Fondas, was fond
so his next leading starlet
was a platinum-haired starlet
he named the flick “On Golden Blonde.”
A taste test for “Tacos del Luna”
was held at the beach at Laguna
But a fellow named Feenie
slipped and licked a bikini
and said, “These tacos sure taste like tuna.”
A man with a sexual fever
made out his will—and the receiver
of all of his stuff
was his wife’s fine muff
the will was called, “Left it to Beaver.”
If Star Wars had been a gay job
with Han Solo craving some knob.
When Luke saved the day
if he didn’t get a lay
at least he would get a Han job.
Some women who swore off male lugs
and turned their attentions to jugs
formed a charity
for lez sobri’ty
their motto became “rugs not drugs.”
A man with blond hair named O’Hara
had a pubic mane that looked like Farrah.
At a beauty pageant
down his loose trousers went
and they crowned his cock with the tiara.
When Cupid took wing like a sparrow
he shot a girl dancing Bolero.
She seduced; it got steamy
when the lovin’ got creamy
naughty Cupid shot more than an arrow.
A young hooker named Cherry Phipps
earned all of her fees—plus got tips!
’Twas a gymnast, years back
so she had quite a knack
for performing sex amid backflips.
There once was a lady named Lola
who sat in a tub of granola.
When Fred found her hole
in his breakfast bowl
he shot like a cap from a cola.
There once was a horny young fellow
who humped a mushroom filled with Jello.
“What’d you do all day?”
he heard his wife say
and answered, “I stuffed portobello.”
A chick who oft parted her thighs
turned her lust toward young fast food guys.
To one of the gents
gave thirty-nine cents
and asked to have it super-sized.
There once was a man named McGee
who ate seventeen pounds of Brie.
A young lady named Liz
nicknamed him the “Cheez Whiz”
for he spouted out cheese when he’d pee.
A fellow named Chuckie DeBoolery
would often engage in Tom foolery.
Burning the mischief oven
even during sweet lovin’
but at those times he’d call it Tom toolery.
A man raised in the Poconoes
did have a Pinoccio nose
perhaps the only guy
whom chicks would beg to lie
so that they could remove all their clothes.
A young lass with an Irish Setter
met a courteous man in Cheddar.
He had brown, trusting eyes
but his hand brought surprise
when she answered, “Of course you can pet her.”
There was a young boy from Arruba
who one day caught a glimpse of boob-a
while marching in band
instead of a hand
he threw his wee-wee in his tuba.
A food lovin’ guy, Jose Chupa
made love to cuisines and to soup-a.
He worked Taco Bell
’til he heard a yell,
“My God, Jose, drop the Chalupa!”
A cashier in McDonald’s hat
tossed off through the drive-through and “Splat!”
a dame dabbling rouge
was hit by his spooj
he said, “Would you like fries with that?”
A nutritionist from Gurnee
whole sold vitamins, A to Z
helped get a friend laid
and asked to be paid
for providing Vitamin P.
A man with a ten-gallon hat
bought porn and Viagra and sat.
All day he would slap
his snake o’er his cap
and it filled up in three hours flat.
A young artist who travelled with easel
and an old beat up truck run on diesel
painted dames for his food
lovely dames, in the nude
which would often give “pop” to his weasel.
Since this day makes this a leap year
it’s reason to have one more beer
and if, by some chance,
there’s itch in your pants
just shift your old stick shift in gear.
February—the month of love! Spread a little love with some limericks! Recruit more Daily Limerick survivors! Read your loved one a limerick and... well, if you don’t have a special someone, remove your pants as you check e-mail daily to receive a Daily Limerick!
In July of 1999, one month before the All Limerick Slam at the 1999 National Poetry Slam festivities, I was bitten by a radioactive Leprechaun and the Daily Limerick was born. Suddenly, my path in life became clear. I was born to be a crusader for uncensored truth, justice and Limerick! Actually, I wanted to get an AUDIENCE for the Limerick Slam I’d be hosting and I was so amazed at the lack of enthusiasm for the project that I thought I’d send a Daily Limerick indefinitely! Plus, I won the Limerick Slam accidentally and wanted to give something back to the Limerick community! (Not too much, as there was no prize in it for me!) I’m committed to at least a year of the limericks—perhaps for the rest of my life, if we have enough subscribers!
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