Daily Limerick
Archives: June 2000

Contains Mature (and immature) Content;If You’re a Minor, Go Away!

 

NOTE: DL has not yet taken the time to put "anchors" into the archives. Translation: You're gonna have to scroll all the way through the long-ass documents (use your "find" commands, squatlicks)!

 

Put down that Viagra—if you need something to put a prance in your pants, look no farther than the DAILY LIMERICK free e-mail service. Here’s a free sample! For a one-limerick-a-day prescription, just reply to this e-mail, say “sign me up!” (or something to that effect) and your pharmacist of questionable verse will send you 365 a year! If you’d rather do it the Bob Dole way, well, then keep mumbling about the Brooklyn Dodgers and DO NOTHING! That’s right! If you don’t want the DAILY LIMERICK, we won’t send it—again, we only send it if you ask for it! Make sense? Have I repeated myself enough? If not, go to the top of this message and re-apply, lather, rinse and repeat! Likewise, if you want to see still more of this blatant overuse of exclamation points, re-apply as well! Have at it! Knock yourself out! Spam, Spam, Spam! (NOTE: If you’d rather have this fascinating e-feature sent to another e-mail address, let me know, too!) !!! Take that!!!!!!!! And that!!!!!!!!!!!

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Start telling each and every person you know about the wonders of the DAILY LIMERICK! Okay, maybe you don’t want to scare them away by talking about these wonders. After all, in the vast majority of cases, DAILY LIMERICK users do not experience side effects (whichincludesorejohnthomaslooseandgreasystoolskidney rejuvenationandperhapscottonmouth).

The DAILY LIMERICK. Celebrating 11 months! Coming soon... the Web site...

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Daily Limerick 6/1/2000:

There was a young co-ed named Mabel

had sex whenever she was able.

She decided to slumber

on her fave spot for lumber

put her bed sheets ’cross the kitchen table.

Daily Limerick 6/2/2000:

A girl who loved peanuts named Kelly

craved nuts inside more than her belly.

When caught in lust’s grip-py

she’d break out the Skippy—

and mix PB and KY Jelly.

Daily Limerick 6/3/2000:

There once was a fellow named Pinski

who lusted for Nastasia Kinski.

His sheets he did cream

after one night’s dream

of Kinski performing Lewinski.

Daily Limerick 6/4/2000:

A conehead who was quite a loner

saw a worker a-changin’ the toner—

o’er a printer, bent over

is a short skirt, hued clover—

which gave our yong conehead a “coner.”

Daily Limerick 6/5/2000:

A young foreign man who was gay

needed lodging in the U.S.A.

Looked for tips in a disco—

heard some tunes, used some Crisco—

and moved into the Y.M.C.A.

Daily Limerick 6/6/2000:

In the old days a lady with lard on

could cause in men quite a stiff hard on.

’Twas so with Shakespeare

when chub girls were near

except that he called it a “bard on.”

Daily Limerick 6/7/2000:

A coastal Italian named Lucci

ate fresh fish after getting tushy.

Threw an Asian the bone—

killed two birds with one stone—

for he’d already eaten some sushi.

Daily Limerick 6/8/2000:

Now a man quit his job as a vicar

found the nearest bar and was asked, “Liquor?”

Looked upon the bar maid

and toward her he bade

and replied, “No, sir, I’d rather stick her.”

Daily Limerick 6/9/2000:

An outlaw man, hung like a moose

had two feet of coil, hanging loose.

Punished with life in jail

suicide didn’t fail

for he used his own cock as a noose.

Daily Limerick 6/10/2000:

A large lesbian, quite a lug,

enjoyed eating plenty of rug

but one drunken sleaze

she bedded with ease

left her with the dreaded love bug.

Daily Limerick 6/11/2000:

A pointy-cocked fellow named Fats

forgot after drinking much Blatz

wife was on vacation—

in horny elation

rolled over, skewered one of the cats.

Daily Limerick 6/12/2000:

A fellow named Willie J. Putter

was stalked by a dame from the gutter.

One day he gave in

with his cock, let her sin

and she milked ’til his cream turned to butter.

Daily Limerick 6/14/2000:

A man who did sail the high seas

had a cock made of pasta to please.

Met a girl—Sleepy Hollow

was her home—and she’d swallow!

So she ate macaroli and cheese.

Daily Limerick 6/14/2000:

A man had a dame who was sweet

but she’d yap constantly—’twas no treat.

During oral sex sessions

he’d give etiquette lessons:

like “Don’t talk with a mouthful of meat.”

Daily Limerick 6/15/2000:

There once was  fellow named Paco

who moved to this country and—socko!

His lust did so swell

that at Taco Bell

he ordered a vertical taco.

Daily Limerick 6/16/2000:

I dreamt that I boffed Tanya Harding

and as her sweet bed I was parting

she got real bad gas

so I banged her ass

to keep my fair Tanya from farting.

Daily Limerick 6/17/2000:

A nympho named Layla J. Laurel

went shopping for fabrics—in floral

met a handsome man

with really large hands—

the rest of the history is oral.

Daily Limerick 6/18/2000:

A stunt man, who quite often boasted

was given a dare when quite toasted

ran au natural

through a nut factory hall

and his own nuts got honey roasted.

Daily Limerick 6/19/2000:

There once was a lady named Sally

an expert o’er at Rand McNally

she knew every street

but this guy named Pete

took her down a dark, unknown alley.

Daily Limerick 6/20/2000::

On the playground as children did twirls

did the best-endowed of the young girls

catch the eye of small Billy

(who felt strange in the Willy)

and received a gift necklace of pearls.

Daily Limerick 6/21/2000:

There once was a guy named Kaleel

who’s lust was too tough to conceal

from morning ’til later

he’d ride elevator

and constantly he’d cop a feel.

Daily Limerick 6/22/2000:

A fellow named Ronald J. Pratt

came premature—in seconds flat.

One nymph he impressed

was getting undressed

and he came at the drop of her hat.

Daily Limerick 6/23/2000:

A strong Southern man, name of Lance,

was lusted after by his aunts.

He decide to do one

at a family reunion

but did three—and had aunts in his pants.

Daily Limerick 6/24/2000:

A man who was hung rather long

suffered quite a bruise on his schlong—

he banged this cute peach

right there on the beach

and got his meat caught in her thong.

Daily Limerick 6/25/2000

A guy who drove a Dodge Durango

became an expert in the Tango.

And gold diggers, even

would dance with poor Steven

and often let him taste their mango.

Daily Limerick 6/26/2000:

There once was a fellow named Sherm

who once got a really bad perm.

Sex life went to Hades

they laughed, all the ladies

so for six months Sherm burped the worm.

Daily Limerick 6/27/2000:

A young fast food worker named Fox

each day at work got off his rocks.

No customers knew

how the name rang true—

he often DID Jack in the Box.

Daily Limerick 6/28/2000:

A young man named Charlie T. Morse

made love with brute animal force

to a chick, name of Sunny

who then walked rather funny

and told folks ’twas from a Charlie horse.

Daily Limerick 6/29/2000:

A man who did sleep in a fog—

when out, he was out like a log—

coated his cock with Skippy

was sucked off by a hippy

but awoke being blown by the dog.

Daily Limerick 6/30/2000

There was a young fellow named Keith

his late dad to him did bequeath

millions if he’d abstain

but he forfeit the gain

when they found pubic hair in his teeth.

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Ah June! The month of... What? Summer, I suppose? School getting out? Is this the Most Wonderful Time of the Year for June Bugs or what? In any event, celebrate June with the Daily Limerick.

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In July of 1999, one month before the All Limerick Slam at the 1999 National Poetry Slam festivities, I was bitten by a radioactive Leprechaun and the Daily Limerick was born. Suddenly, my path in life became clear. I was born to be a crusader for uncensored truth, justice and Limerick! Actually, I wanted to get an AUDIENCE for the Limerick Slam I’d be hosting, but I was so amazed at the lack of enthusiasm for the project that I thought I’d send a Daily Limerick indefinitely! Plus, I won the Limerick Slam accidentally and wanted to give something back to the Limerick community! (Not too much, as there was no prize in it for me!) I’m committed to at least a year of the limericks—perhaps for the rest of my life, if we have enough subscribers!

By the way, I guarantee QUANTITY in limericks—one a day. I do not guarantee QUALITY limericks.

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