Daily Limerick Archives: June 2000
Contains Mature (and immature) Content;If You’re a Minor, Go Away!
NOTE: DL has not yet taken the time to put "anchors" into the archives. Translation: You're gonna have to scroll all the way through the long-ass documents (use your "find" commands, squatlicks)!
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The DAILY LIMERICK. Celebrating 11 months! Coming soon... the Web site...
Daily Limerick 6/1/2000:
There was a young co-ed named Mabel
had sex whenever she was able.
She decided to slumber
on her fave spot for lumber
put her bed sheets ’cross the kitchen table.
Daily Limerick 6/2/2000:
A girl who loved peanuts named Kelly
craved nuts inside more than her belly.
When caught in lust’s grip-py
she’d break out the Skippy—
and mix PB and KY Jelly.
Daily Limerick 6/3/2000:
There once was a fellow named Pinski
who lusted for Nastasia Kinski.
His sheets he did cream
after one night’s dream
of Kinski performing Lewinski.
Daily Limerick 6/4/2000:
A conehead who was quite a loner
saw a worker a-changin’ the toner—
o’er a printer, bent over
is a short skirt, hued clover—
which gave our yong conehead a “coner.”
Daily Limerick 6/5/2000:
A young foreign man who was gay
needed lodging in the U.S.A.
Looked for tips in a disco—
heard some tunes, used some Crisco—
and moved into the Y.M.C.A.
Daily Limerick 6/6/2000:
In the old days a lady with lard on
could cause in men quite a stiff hard on.
’Twas so with Shakespeare
when chub girls were near
except that he called it a “bard on.”
Daily Limerick 6/7/2000:
A coastal Italian named Lucci
ate fresh fish after getting tushy.
Threw an Asian the bone—
killed two birds with one stone—
for he’d already eaten some sushi.
Daily Limerick 6/8/2000:
Now a man quit his job as a vicar
found the nearest bar and was asked, “Liquor?”
Looked upon the bar maid
and toward her he bade
and replied, “No, sir, I’d rather stick her.”
Daily Limerick 6/9/2000:
An outlaw man, hung like a moose
had two feet of coil, hanging loose.
Punished with life in jail
suicide didn’t fail
for he used his own cock as a noose.
Daily Limerick 6/10/2000:
A large lesbian, quite a lug,
enjoyed eating plenty of rug
but one drunken sleaze
she bedded with ease
left her with the dreaded love bug.
Daily Limerick 6/11/2000:
A pointy-cocked fellow named Fats
forgot after drinking much Blatz
wife was on vacation—
in horny elation
rolled over, skewered one of the cats.
Daily Limerick 6/12/2000:
A fellow named Willie J. Putter
was stalked by a dame from the gutter.
One day he gave in
with his cock, let her sin
and she milked ’til his cream turned to butter.
Daily Limerick 6/14/2000:
A man who did sail the high seas
had a cock made of pasta to please.
Met a girl—Sleepy Hollow
was her home—and she’d swallow!
So she ate macaroli and cheese.
Daily Limerick 6/14/2000:
A man had a dame who was sweet
but she’d yap constantly—’twas no treat.
During oral sex sessions
he’d give etiquette lessons:
like “Don’t talk with a mouthful of meat.”
Daily Limerick 6/15/2000:
There once was fellow named Paco
who moved to this country and—socko!
His lust did so swell
that at Taco Bell
he ordered a vertical taco.
Daily Limerick 6/16/2000:
I dreamt that I boffed Tanya Harding
and as her sweet bed I was parting
she got real bad gas
so I banged her ass
to keep my fair Tanya from farting.
Daily Limerick 6/17/2000:
A nympho named Layla J. Laurel
went shopping for fabrics—in floral
met a handsome man
with really large hands—
the rest of the history is oral.
Daily Limerick 6/18/2000:
A stunt man, who quite often boasted
was given a dare when quite toasted
ran au natural
through a nut factory hall
and his own nuts got honey roasted.
Daily Limerick 6/19/2000:
There once was a lady named Sally
an expert o’er at Rand McNally
she knew every street
but this guy named Pete
took her down a dark, unknown alley.
Daily Limerick 6/20/2000::
On the playground as children did twirls
did the best-endowed of the young girls
catch the eye of small Billy
(who felt strange in the Willy)
and received a gift necklace of pearls.
Daily Limerick 6/21/2000:
There once was a guy named Kaleel
who’s lust was too tough to conceal
from morning ’til later
he’d ride elevator
and constantly he’d cop a feel.
Daily Limerick 6/22/2000:
A fellow named Ronald J. Pratt
came premature—in seconds flat.
One nymph he impressed
was getting undressed
and he came at the drop of her hat.
Daily Limerick 6/23/2000:
A strong Southern man, name of Lance,
was lusted after by his aunts.
He decide to do one
at a family reunion
but did three—and had aunts in his pants.
Daily Limerick 6/24/2000:
A man who was hung rather long
suffered quite a bruise on his schlong—
he banged this cute peach
right there on the beach
and got his meat caught in her thong.
Daily Limerick 6/25/2000
A guy who drove a Dodge Durango
became an expert in the Tango.
And gold diggers, even
would dance with poor Steven
and often let him taste their mango.
Daily Limerick 6/26/2000:
There once was a fellow named Sherm
who once got a really bad perm.
Sex life went to Hades
they laughed, all the ladies
so for six months Sherm burped the worm.
Daily Limerick 6/27/2000:
A young fast food worker named Fox
each day at work got off his rocks.
No customers knew
how the name rang true—
he often DID Jack in the Box.
Daily Limerick 6/28/2000:
A young man named Charlie T. Morse
made love with brute animal force
to a chick, name of Sunny
who then walked rather funny
and told folks ’twas from a Charlie horse.
Daily Limerick 6/29/2000:
A man who did sleep in a fog—
when out, he was out like a log—
coated his cock with Skippy
was sucked off by a hippy
but awoke being blown by the dog.
Daily Limerick 6/30/2000
There was a young fellow named Keith
his late dad to him did bequeath
millions if he’d abstain
but he forfeit the gain
when they found pubic hair in his teeth.
Ah June! The month of... What? Summer, I suppose? School getting out? Is this the Most Wonderful Time of the Year for June Bugs or what? In any event, celebrate June with the Daily Limerick.
In July of 1999, one month before the All Limerick Slam at the 1999 National Poetry Slam festivities, I was bitten by a radioactive Leprechaun and the Daily Limerick was born. Suddenly, my path in life became clear. I was born to be a crusader for uncensored truth, justice and Limerick! Actually, I wanted to get an AUDIENCE for the Limerick Slam I’d be hosting, but I was so amazed at the lack of enthusiasm for the project that I thought I’d send a Daily Limerick indefinitely! Plus, I won the Limerick Slam accidentally and wanted to give something back to the Limerick community! (Not too much, as there was no prize in it for me!) I’m committed to at least a year of the limericks—perhaps for the rest of my life, if we have enough subscribers!
By the way, I guarantee QUANTITY in limericks—one a day. I do not guarantee QUALITY limericks.
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