Daily Limerick
Archives: March 2000

Contains Mature (and immature) Content;If You’re a Minor, Go Away!


NOTE: DL has not yet taken the time to put "anchors" into the archives. Translation: You're gonna have to scroll all the way through the long-ass documents (use your "find" commands, squatlicks)!


Here's a scratch and sniff sample of the DAILY LIMERICK free e-mail service! If you'd like to receive one fresh, soft, thirsty limerick delivered to your e-mail box EVERY SINGLE DAY OF THE YEAR, just reply to this e-mail and tell me so! If limericks do not fit within your definition of the pursuit of happiness, fear not. Simply do nothing! That's right-if you don't reply, you won't receive more limericks. NOTE: Occasionally, I send a sample to the same e-mail address more than once. That's only because it's hard to keep track sometimes but, rest assured, you're not on the DAILY LIMERICK subscriber list unless you ask to be put on it!


The DAILY LIMERICK. Marvelling at 7 months of setting poetry's reputation back years! Drop the Chalupa-and pick up the DAILY LIMERICK!



A man who with women was good

convinced this girl, Holly, she should.

He gave her his vine

by the Hollywood sign

into "Holly" this man put the "Wood."


A convict they called Johnny Chung

had a Willie so big that it swung

right down to his toes.

When he hit the gallows

was set free-'twas already hung!


There once was a stripper named Helen

whose breasts were each big as a melon

from stage she bent over

her breast killed poor Grover

and now each of her breast's a felon.


There was a big trucker named Jerry

who was bright blond and quite hairy.

He flashed old Georgette

who gave it a pet

because she thought it a canary.


A policeman whose hormones ran free

had no one to service his wee.

He pretended his beef

was a young urban thief

and his right hand the LAPD.


There once was a girl from Peru

whose coochie secreted a glue.

When her twot got itchie

she boffed Lionel Richie

and that's when he wrote, "Stuck on You."


A fellow named Martin J. Spivy

was jilted by Lady Godivey.

So the next time that beauty

rode 'round showin' her booty

he lined her path with fresh poison ivy.


A lonely old hippie tree hugger

had sex mostly as a self-tugger.

Once during a choke

found a hole in an oak

and proceeded to be a tree buggerer.


Thank Heavens for Jennifer Beals!

And all of her dances in heels!

Pre-teen renting Flash Dance

I reached down in my pants

and took joy in quite numerous feels.


A cannibal named Hungry Jake

went to L.A. for a man bake.

His first bite and lick

of some roasted chick

had him cry out, "this stuff tastes fake!"


A crazed hairy old rough bandito

craved public hair shaped like Dorito.

In fact, when old Paco

spied vertical taco

he'd fill it up with his burrito.


A virgin named Tiffany Howard

carried Kielbasa while she showered.

Said her doctor Quinn

'tis good for the skin

but she fell down and was deflowered.


A serial killer named Suds

made candies out of former buds.

He'd candy the hearts

and coat private parts

in chocolate and call them Milk Puds.


A dame from the hills of Canoga

was hit on whilst she did some yoga.

Revving like an Edsel

he bonked that sweet pretzel

this fellow from old Saratoga.


A fellow quite timid and calm

whacked off a lot-Willie de Balm

He bred his own tree

'twas masturb'tory-

It was a new species of Palm.


There was a young lady named Babs

a nudist who often took cabs.

Ride shared with a slut dip

fresh off a fishing trip

and it seems both of them did catch crabs.


It's St. Pat's Day-ladies will preen

and all think that corned beef is keen.

You should go all out

but leave room for doubt

if even your fluids turn green.


A chef amid making cous-cous

saw a chick with a nice caboose.

She walked really close

he wanted a dose

so reached out and gave a goose-goose.


A homo named Quentin McGrath

tried living a celebate path.

He fought of temptation

with gay masturbation

'til he visited a Turkish bath.


A man with a twirly moustache

one day threw a girls-only bash.

Tickled their insides

with free moustache rides

but the next day his lips grew a rash.


Now most people thought Josie bats

because when she gave her cooch pats

she said it would chatter

so we dubbed the matter

"Josie and her Pussy Chats."


A horny old lawyer named Larry

hired himself a hot secretary.

He hired her to type

and help him lay pipe

and help him forget he did marry.


I guy they called Hair Trigger Louie

with lust easily went Kablooie.

One night, gave looksey

to Spanish TV

and suddenly his pants were gooey.


A man from a faraway land

found Internet sex really grand.

The world's best secretary

a quick typist-well very-

though he only could type with one hand.


A schoolboy whom many found girly

was dragged to the john for a swirly

jocks asked, "no more fag-

surely it's a drag"

he said yes but don't you call me Shirley.


There once was a gay man named Zeke

who'd have sex until he was weak.

Libido'd be fired

and yet he'd feel tired

so he'd just turn the other cheek.


A man who craved a chiseled shape

had the self-control of an ape

at a sculpture show

his Willie did grow

he committed statue-try rape.


A girl from the island of Crete

found giving a blow job a treat

she'd eat lots of snake

and never eat steak

'cause she munched on far too much meat.


A girl learned folks look like their pets

before goin' to see the Rockettes.

With autograph fever

asked 'bout one's pet beaver

whose panties she often forgets.


A girl with a helluvan ass

gave male teachers pure slutty sass.

How far she did go

(with lick and a blow)!

She went to the head of the class!


Now we know most guys don't like dancing

and when they engage in such prancing-

it isn't for fun

their goal Number One:

its trying to do some de-pantsing.


March-into the lion and out of the lamb! Er, in LIKE a lion and out LIKE a lamb, right? Beat yourself to a... er, TREAT yourself to a DAILY LIMERICK to combat those late winter doldrums and kick back to a refreshing limerick to greet spring later in the month. Remember, spring is the time that a young man's fancy turns to LIMERICKS! Share word of DAILY LIMERICK to show your sincerity with that special person you're trying to woo!


In July of 1999, one month before the All Limerick Slam at the 1999 National Poetry Slam festivities, I was bitten by a radioactive Leprechaun and the Daily Limerick was born. Suddenly, my path in life became clear. I was born to be a crusader for uncensored truth, justice and Limerick! Actually, I wanted to get an AUDIENCE for the Limerick Slam I'd be hosting, but I was so amazed at the lack of enthusiasm for the project that I thought I'd send a Daily Limerick indefinitely! Plus, I won the Limerick Slam accidentally and wanted to give something back to the Limerick community! (Not too much, as there was no prize in it for me!) I'm committed to at least a year of the limericks-perhaps for the rest of my life, if we have enough subscribers!

By the way, I guarantee QUANTITY in limericks-one a day. I do not guarantee QUALITY limericks.


If you want to be on John Biederman's e-list for comedy, sketch and/or poetic performances (in Chicago, LA or elsewhere), let me know!


(c)1999, 2000 John Henry Biederman. All Rights Reserved.


Send your own Letter to the Idiot and/or e-mail Sloop! (And attach sexy pics, if you insist. Sigh.)


Web Site Sections:

Daily Limerick/ Daily Limerick Archives/ For Advertisers/ Sloop Central (& Stand-Up Poem of the Month)/ Biederman’s Books/ Sloop Services/ Links


Spread the Daily Limerick word! The oral way works best!

P.S.—We’re seeking advertisers—and we’ll take porn and tobacco ads!

(c)1999-2013 John "Sloop" Biederman. All Rights Reserved.