Daily Limerick
Archives: December 2010

Contains Mature (and immature) Content;If You’re a Minor, Go Away!

 

NOTE: DL has not yet taken the time to put "anchors" into the archives. Translation: You're gonna have to scroll all the way through the long-ass documents (use your "find" commands, squatlicks)!

 

DAILY LIMERICK 12/1/2010:

For Santa's crunch time it is said, man

that Ms. Claus cooks up gingerbread men.

For one fashions dough

much like a dildo--

and gets by with a ginger-bed man!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/1/2010:

Guys, don't you hate it when you're taking a whiz in a public bathroom and some chowderhead insists on talking with you from an adjacent urinal?

The topic of chatter? Generally stuff you don't care much about. Or gossipy stuff that he really shouldn't be blathering on about.

We call it, "Taking a WikiLeak"...

***

SPECIAL "PULL-OUT" WEDNESDAY "EAT IT!" SECTION...WITH MONTE! 12/1/2010:

TODAY'S EDITION: Er...

...Well, it's Monte's first Wednesday of the real Holiday Season. So we won't go lookin' too hard for him...

 

[For more info. and what not... http://monteism.blogspot.com/]

******

DAILY LIMERICK 12/2/2010:

As wishes for Santa were happening

a late teen in line for them packed a "Schwing!"

Wore a mini-skirt

and with Claus, did flirt--

so soon Santa hosted a "Lap-enning"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/2/2010:

During the Chicago-Bears/Philadelphia Eagles football game Sunday at Chicago's Soldier Field, fan Stuart Havertey fell to his death while climbing to a rooftop.

It is now being reported that he was likely seeking a place to sneak a smoke, since the stadium bans smoking, despite being largely FREAKING OUTDOORS.

How many casualties will it take before we re-think this senseless War on (Legal) Drugs?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 12/3/2010:

When word's fin'ly "eat" who could grouse?

Ya' chow down on gingerbread house!

Knew stacked slut preempting

that Season-long tempting

by wearing a...gingerbread blouse!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/3/2010:

As we're all enjoying the Season, good Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers and Slapper Yapper Grasshopper-ettes... Be festive, but use some caution.

Don't wanna end up living the 12 Steps of Christmas...

***

SPECIAL"PULL-OUT" FRIDAY "ENTERTAIN YOURSELF" SECTION 12/3/2010:

TODAY'S EDITION: Bah...

...-Me Noodles.

Tasty Thai Dishes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can't even utter the phrase during this festive Season... But you're still bastards... Peace on Earth, goodwill to ye bastards...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 12/4/2010:

Folks have personal ways of heralding

the holidays--Fred, Ralph and Daryl ring

in Christmas time bustin' nut,

gang-bangin' long-known slut!

Their own unique way of, "Carol-ing"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/4/2010:

Yay!...

We're sure there's news to comment on, but we just got the Christmas Tree decorated here in the Daily Limerick, um...Towers so... Yay!...

Happy Extra Festively Cheezy Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 12/5/2010:

Frosty stokes kids' dreams--but at night,

though good guy (ain't forceful, don't bite)

the booty does flow!

When it's time to blow

he makes sure chicks' Seasons are white!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/5/2010:

Unemployment's still high, the stock market's still up-and-down, the real estate market is still in the crapper... So Congress, in all its wisdom, focuses on... Making the TV industry turn down the volume on commercials?

Guess that's the legislative equivalent of ignoring the burgeoning "in" box and scrawling out memos on copier usage or something...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 12/5/2010:

A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY

(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: The Creepy Gay Lush in the Other Room, Chapter Two--The Less than Groovin' Move-In

So Mr. Cleveland Rushmore, my next renter/roommate to be, was all set to move in...March 1 or 2 I believe? I forget--whichever early date was most convenient (falling on a Friday or weekend or whatever) in 2008.

I was, as is usually the wise option, present for the move-in. And while I would in all likelihood be present on the day in question in any event, you nonetheless make special arrangements for such a thing--do certain work and tasks ahead of time, avoid scheduling things for the appointed period, etc.

So it did irk me a bit when morning gave way to afternoon, and early afternoon gave way to mid-early afternoon...and I hadn't heard from nor seen Cleveland, who was supposed to be moving in that morning.

I'd already received his first rent and security deposit, but this was nonetheless annoying, so I gave him a call.

Got his voicemail. Left a message.

Mid-early afternoon gave way to mid afternoon...I called Cleveland again.

More voicemail.

Mid-late afternoon, Cleveland calls me back.

"Sorry. I'm sick. I'm still moving in today, though. I'm gonna call the movers now."

"Well," I said, "movers generally, you know, plan these things ahead of time, so I'm not sure you'll be able to do it today."

"Well, I'll call 'em now and call you right back."

So Cleveland Rushmore ended up moving in a day later than originally planned.

What's more... What a move! I've been part of and/or witnessed many a move, some more organized than others. And I realize that even the most organized of moves sees a monkey wrench--a box unlabeled, a box wrongly labeled, a box taped improperly that falls open mid-carry, etc.

Cleveland managed to piss-off the guys who's JOB it is to deal with unorganized movers, day-in, day-out.

"I don't know if we'll have TIME to box that stuff today; you didn't mention that earlier"..."We have to pick-up WHAT from WHERE now?"... Stuff like that.

Oh, and Cleveland looked like... Well, like he'd slept outside overnight, on a pile of rocks, next to a church bell that went off every 15 minutes.

Not sure I'd describe the look as "sick," but he did, most certainly, look like hell...

Coming Next Week--Something Missing From the Cabinet!...

And catch up on earlier chapters of this tale, and other Sunday Story Time fare, via the Daily Limerick Archives...

***

MIKE'S ACCURSED VERSE 12/5/2010:

A SPECIAL SUNDAY EXTRA SECTION

(IN BLAZING COLOR... IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT JUST RIGHT)

BY MIKE "BOOM" CHMIELECKI

 

TODAY'S POEM: Business trip

 

Inside a rental Ford Focus,

along long highways

slowly darkening to sunset.

 

Kept company by radio songs,

their backbeats and pillowy bass,

between blurts of commercials.

 

The road paint flickers in lines,

laser beams gliding

boundaries by.

 

[If you'd like to praise or berate the poet, e-mail him at mpchmielecki@gmail.com. He won't bite--although he may chew a bit.]

******

DAILY LIMERICK 12/6/2010:

A she-elf had a Christmas knack

for Sleigh Tour--and, er, was well stacked.

Claus found some reprieve--

she helped Christmas Eve

and brought more than toys from that sack!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/6/2010:

Chicago Sun-Times headline--

"Vandals Target Anti-Abortionist"

A prominent sign that society is progressing--bipartisanship in nutballism...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 12/7/2010:

A limericist daily did serve

each year themes with Christmasy perv

from First of December

through Big Day--his member

for Yule took on candy-cane curve!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/7/2010:

So the world, including Muslim Mid-East nations, don't want Iran to have nuclear capabilities... Mexico's drug war is a joke... Duh!... What exactly are these state "secrets" that WikiLeaks is revealing?... (Sorry, ain't linkin' to the wannabe First Amendment hero, alleged rapist bastard)...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 12/8/2010:

Prowled mall, thought of song, Christmas shopping,

for snow didn't show signs of stopping.

Todd, 'fore home did go,

to cry, "Let it Snow!"

picked-up some young corn(hole) for poppin'!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/8/2010:

Eddie Montgomery was diagnosed with cancer.

Then his wife left him.

Oh, and he's part of the duo Montgomery-Gentry.

A country act.

So at least he probably already has a song about the situation...

***

SPECIAL "PULL-OUT" WEDNESDAY "EAT IT!" SECTION...WITH MONTE! 12/8/2010:

TODAY'S EDITION: Monte...

...Well, it's the Holiday Season, so he's probably too busy eating...

[For more info. and what not... http://monteism.blogspot.com/]

******

DAILY LIMERICK 12/9/2010:

As Santa's age grows, first elf Kelly

helped Christmas Eve rounds. Now, too, Nelly.

Though flat-bellied staff

they're full jolly--laughs

shake other parts like...cups of jelly!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/9/2010:

I understand that, in India, prompted by Hinduism's worship of all life, humans leave the monkeys undisturbed. Thus, people go about their daily business, letting those monkeys have their run of palaces, the streets and public settings in general.

Chief Limericist checked-in, here.

There's been talking of changing this monkey philosophy somewhat, given our modern, global world and all. Perhaps just moving the monkeys somewhere... In any event, they've lived for millennia among the undisturbed primates, so it's obviously doable.

As my own tribute to this philosophy... Well, since M'Lady moved in with me, so did her dogs. Smaller dogs--a sausage dog and a Jack Russell Terrier.

And when I do yoga on the floor... It's a spectacle. The dogs jump on me. One does this "chesty" thing--he flops around affectionately on your chest--which could, theoretically, suffocate me during certain poses.

Like India, I've considered locking the dogs in a room while I do my exercise thing.

But, also like India, I instead let them do what they will. I've thought of YouTubin' it, it's so darn goofy.

So...there. I'm a spiritual dude after all!

After my yoga-based nod to Hinduism, I perhaps preheat the oven for a honkin' pork roast or something--but one can respect the animals, even while eating them...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 12/10/2010:

Some tales of first Christmas... Not lies--

but o'er eons, myths super-sized.

Like those, "Three Wise Men

from East"--way back then?

They were just three dudes cracking wise!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/10/2010:

Chicago Sun-Times headline--

"Whooping Cough Makes Comeback"

This seems to be happening a lot lately.

Some old disease that we were told was finally gone, for good, what, a century or so ago?, suddenly comes around to plague us again.

Kinda like...classic rock acts...

***

SPECIAL"PULL-OUT" FRIDAY "ENTERTAIN YOURSELF" SECTION 12/10/2010:

TODAY'S EDITION: Fa La La La La...

...La La La... You bastards!...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 12/11/2010:

This time of year, new spins folks ratchet-

up on tale of Scrooge and Bob Cratchit.

Note youth's mistake changed

him--selfish deranged...

Shunned Soul Mate and, thus, Karmic snatch fit!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/11/2010:

We've wondered for some time how England's Prince Charles, with his pick of near every woman in the world, is with Camilla.

Well, now we're thinking that perhaps she's really... The Duchess of Cornhole?...

Happy Extra (Festively) Cheezy Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 12/12/2010:

Now baking gets Christmas Jones fed

so new couple, Ginger and Ned,

did whip up a lot!

As oven got hot

Ned shot frosting on Ginger's-bread!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/12/2010:

Okay, a thinly veiled spin on basically giving thoughtless cash is bad.

Giving only a lightning strike's chance of cash though... Consider--

Thanks to a "seasonal" commercial from the Illinois Lottery that, frightfully enough, has been running since far before Thanksgiving, we've noted that somebody has actually topped the lame-ity of giving gift cards for Christmas presents!...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 12/12/2010:

A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY

(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: The Creepy Gay Lush in the Other Room, Chapter Three--Something Missing from the Cabinet

So Cleveland moved in--enough to go about his life, which didn't entail a whole lot, since it'd be almost a month until his cooking classes started, throughout which he wasn't planning to work, so that he could focus on studies, and I think he had some sort of trust fund, or workers comp from his previous job, combined with money from his parents.

So he set up his bed, put some stuff in the kitchen and bathroom cabinets and largely left the spacious living room my renter/roommates are entitled to as storage.

The room was originally pegged as a dining room, with a nice stained, built-in unit complete with drawers and glass-doored cabinets to the side. The windows provide a view of the courtyard, which bears nice plants and trees thanks to a condo association gardening committee.

Nice room, when set up. For instance, one former renter/roommate, the only chick one I had, generally watched TV and worked on the computer there, making it an entertainment room/office.

Despite having little to do--no job, perhaps only registering for classes and obtaining books... Cleveland didn't set-up his living room area during his pre-cooking school time off. I assumed that maybe he was tired of the whole moving-chore thing and would get to it. He'd initially signed a seven-month lease, so had time.

That's what I assumed. But Cleveland... Hold on a minute.

I'm gonna come clean, here.

While, as I've specified, I firmly believe that we need to take a bit of the Victim Society edge off alcoholics and addicts and that, political correctness be damned, we need to laugh at drunks sometimes... Well, I feel a little... Something about this multi-chapter tale. Bad? Not quite, but something like that... Just wanted to mention that.

I don't think this'll be as sprawling as my previous multi-chapter Sunday Story Time, roommate/renter tale. That one spanned, like thirteen chapters or something. So we'll get in some laughs and end it early.

Now, back to our previously scheduled blatherings--

I've had a generally policy of leaving my roommate/renters' privacy intact. Especially during the early set-up phase, I'll take a peek in their rooms, make sure there's no fire/bug hazard going on. And, yeah, I'm human and curious, so I peeked in the kitchen cabinets to see how he was utilizing them.

And I'll peek in my own kitchen cabinet areas, to make sure he/she doesn't shove something into them for some silly reason and to make sure he/she isn't a food thief.

Now, I have one cabinet that has, in addition to other items, liquor.

I don't drink. Haven't in many moons. But I have friend who do, have had girlfriends who do and M'Lady (who wasn't M'Lady yet when Cleveland moved in) does, too. Plus I read or heard something somewhere about making time with the ladies that it's a good idea to be prepared so that you can offer up a drink.

So little by little, I purchased various alcohol items and maintain a stocked liquor cabinet.

Reminder--Cleveland moved-in maintaining that he "doesn't drink anymore." In fact, again, he volunteered that information, needlessly. Felt a need to proclaim it to his future landlord/roommate.

Well... Since I don't drink, it's tough for me to lose track of what's in the liquor cabinet. I don't find myself thinking, "Geez, did I drink THAT MUCH of the vodka last weekend?" And friends don't come over every day, even every week, to have a drink. So I know that most of the items in my liquor cabinet are near-perpetually either full/unopened or close to it.

Well... There was an eensy-weensy little bit left in my rum bottle...

Coming Next Week--My One-Time Expert Offer...

And catch up on earlier chapters of this tale, and other Sunday Story Time fare, via the Daily Limerick Archives...

***

MIKE'S ACCURSED VERSE 12/12/2010:

A SPECIAL SUNDAY EXTRA SECTION

(IN BLAZING COLOR... IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT JUST RIGHT)

BY MIKE "BOOM" CHMIELECKI

 

TODAY'S POEM: A Word From Mike

 

Seriously. That's not the title of a poem... Here it is--

 

"True to the holiday spirit, I have way too much on my plate right now and no time to write--therefore, I am shirking my obligations in order to steal time for household chores before the next couple of weeks bury us alive. Merry Christmas!"

 

[If you'd like to praise or berate the poet, e-mail him at mpchmielecki@gmail.com. He won't bite--although he may chew a bit.]

******

DAILY LIMERICK 12/13/2010:

Post-Christmas rounds, home Santa slogs,

exhausted--but horny as dog!

He fondles and paws

at willing Ms. Claus--

but often suffers "eggnog log"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/13/2010:

Has the Ultra Right Wing, allegedly "patriotic," keep-the-damn-Mexicans-out-even-if-it-means-changing-our-otherwise-untouchable-Constitution noticed that our first living serviceman to win the Medal of Honor since the Vietnam War is... Well, his name's Army Staff Sgt. Salvatore Giunta.

Take a nice, hot bath in THAT tub of irony...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 12/14/2010:

Young Bridgett, unhappily single,

on Christmas Eve, watched flicks, ate Pringles.

Down chimney, Claus scooted,

lights near 'lectrocuted--

as he shook, she mounted Kris Tingle!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/14/2010:

Glass-half-empty folks are already bitchin' and moanin' about the idea of winter, after the Holiday Shine is here and gone.

Chief Limericist checking in, here.

Well, I accidentally stumbled across an idea for winter fun the other day.

We have a few days of cold-as-shit weather here in the Midwest, so I was dressed in a manner that puts utility over fashion. I'm usually a bit that way, but more so than normal.

Went into a 7-11.

Was gonna grab something to drink for a taping gig that was to last a few hours.

Wasn't sure what I wanted.

Went over by the soda.

En route, passed some tea. Thought about that for a bit.

Proceeded to the soda, which I, for some reason, had a hard time finding (despite being a 7-11 regular and most of them having similar layouts).

Then decided upon grabbing a Slurpee, which was clear across the store.

In short, wandered around the store, a bit confused, seemingly looking at everything.

Oh, the fun of watching the store clerk and the look on his face!

That's right, Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers! A shot of winter fun! And all that was required for the dose?

Ah, the joys of a simple ski mask!...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 12/15/2010:

Though Christmas left him with no plans,

"I'll make the most of it!" thought Dan.

On Earth, had no Piece,

but felt blessed--at least

with porn stash lived, "Good will to Hand"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/15/2010:

There's a "superbug" going around, named C-diff and researchers have found a unique way of combating it.

Taking, er, stool from a healthy person and transplanting it into the, um, you know, of the C-diff sufferer.

So a goofy playground term comes to life as reality brings us "butt-to-butt resuscitation"...

***

SPECIAL "PULL-OUT" WEDNESDAY "EAT IT!" SECTION...WITH MONTE! 12/15/2010:

TODAY'S EDITION: Beyond Goose & Turkey for the Holidays

Do you need a Christmas hot dog? I think you do.

I was surprised at how good the hot dog was at Chubby Wiener (4652 N. Western Ave., Chicago). They serve Vienna, all-beef dogs on poppy seed buns!! I love the poppy seed buns--and I love 'em steamed--and they come perfect at the ol' Chubby Wiener.

Plus, the name reminds me of how I feel while watching pornhub...

--MONTE

 

[For more info. and what not... http://monteism.blogspot.com/]

******

DAILY LIMERICK 12/16/2010:

A stripper's gift brought kicks to Santa--

just gift-wrapping, started to pant-a!

Stoked thrills--Santa's lap

and boyfriend? Unwrapped

on Christmas morn, shiny implant-as!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/16/2010:

McDonald's is firing back at critics, mentioning that 9 of 10 calls and e-mails to its office folk are supportive of the food giant amid its being attacked by the Big Mother movement.

Uh-oh. We've seen this before. The folks who just can't STAND the fact that other people make different lifestyle choices are quivering, twitching, sweating... Off to the lab, pseudo scientists! It's high time for secondhand fat, calories, cholesterol, sodium...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 12/17/2010:

On Christmas Eve rounds, he was rocking,

so Santa took a break by docking

on roof of a model.

Inside, Yule Log throttled

while playing with non-chimney stockings!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/17/2010:

We can put a man on the moon, but we can't design a freakin' STAPLER that doesn't jam up all the time and/or refuse to staple its way through a whole 20 screechin' pages.

Yeah, it's a cliche, but seriously. It's not a cheapo model--and I even tried borrowing M'Lady's, to the same consternation. What's the problem, office supply folk?...

***

SPECIAL"PULL-OUT" FRIDAY "ENTERTAIN YOURSELF" SECTION 12/17/2010:

TODAY'S EDITION: You're Lucky...

I'm merry as all shit, ya'... Festive Fff... Festive friends...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 12/18/2010:

It's Season ya' shouldn't be messing

'round. Santa's List? Must count your blessings!

Yet though it seems rude

your blessings include

of course, time to count your undressings!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/18/2010:

Well.

Last Extra Cheezy Saturday before Christmas.

Screw content!

Well, screw it festively, at least...

Merry Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 12/19/2010:

Though red suit is silly, some say,

and with elves and deer, he does play,

speed flight ride appeals--

beats Porcshe, all wheels--

that chick magnet gets Kringle (s)leighed!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/19/2010:

So, (American) football fans... As a Chicago Bears guy (Chief Limericist checking in), here's what I don't get about this upcoming game against the Minnesota Vikings--

The Metrodome--an indoor stadium, wimpy as far as I'm concerned...but that's another topic... Well, its roof collapsed thanks to heavy snowfall, so the game will be moved to a University of Minnesota stadium.

Now... They roof collapsed? On a stadium they built--not in, say, Tennessee, where snow happens but is rare, but in FREAKIN' MINNESOTA?

Looks like "stadium construction consultant" is another career field I somehow qualify for, although that's apparently not saying much...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 12/19/2010:

A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY

(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: You Know...

...It's freakin' CHRISTMAS Time. I can't be makin' fun of a (semi-) poor old lush... The tale will continue, though, Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers...

Coming Next Year--My One-Time Expert Offer...

And catch up on earlier chapters of this tale, and other Sunday Story Time fare, via the Daily Limerick Archives...

***

MIKE'S ACCURSED VERSE 12/19/2010:

A SPECIAL SUNDAY EXTRA SECTION

(IN BLAZING COLOR... IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT JUST RIGHT)

BY MIKE "BOOM" CHMIELECKI

 

TODAY'S POEM: Mike Is...

 

...Trapped under a Christmas Tree or something, we're guessin'...

 

[If you'd like to praise or berate the poet, e-mail him at mpchmielecki@gmail.com. He won't bite--although he may chew a bit.]

******

DAILY LIMERICK 12/20/2010:

There beauty is, well, er...debatable.

Those Santas and snowmen inflatable?

I like 'em in yards

yet Yule can be marred--

some find blow-up bods masturbatable!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/20/2010:

Oh what a terrible, terrible Limerick today... Wait'll you see the content... Content? It's the last Monday before Christmas!...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 12/21/2010:

As Joseph coached birth in the Manger

to Mary's love, was still a stranger!

Played good didn't schtup

her--still was knocked-up!

Folks holy, beware Manger Danger!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/21/2010:

What? You want content on the last Tuesday before Christmas?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 12/22/2010:

Now Santa's a man--life needs spice!

So rather than blind rolling dice...

Those "naughty," "nice" lists?

How could he resist?

Made one, too, for "naughtily nice"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/22/2010:

So... Monday Night Football.

National show. Sweet gig for the broadcasters.

So you'd think they'd know the teams better than even local fans.

Or at least they'd know the teams competing against the local fans' teams better than those fans.

And that, having a week to research and prepare for these games, they'd know how to pronounce players' names correctly.

And that, being broadcasters, they'd use proper grammar and such.

Oh, and having one of the sweetest sportscasting gigs around, they'd have interesting things to say.

You'd think that, wouldn't you?...

***

SPECIAL "PULL-OUT" WEDNESDAY "EAT IT!" SECTION...WITH MONTE! 12/22/2010:

TODAY'S EDITION: The In-House Grind

You need an in-house-ground burger? And did you say you want it to be delicious--and you want good service, too? Well, I have the place for you (Chicagoans, anyway)... Big Jones in Andersonville.

This place is amazing for a burger! It is so juicy, flavorful--and the bun is superb as well. The burger is pricey, but with the service and great flavor, it's worth it, to me that is. And everything else we have had there has been delicious, too. Like the sweetbreads, and gumbo soup...

 

[For more info. and what not... http://monteism.blogspot.com/]

******

DAILY LIMERICK 12/23/2010:

When Christmas festivities called

some elves soon turned...wee bit appalled!

They sang out the song;

young Kipper heard wrong--

and ran around DICKing the halls!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/23/2010:

So, the musical "Spider-Man"... Pfft.

For, what is this, the third time or something, the Broadway spectacle is being delayed.

Problems with the mechanics of a flying Spider-Man, I think.

Hmmm... Comic book geeks... Musicals.

Does anybody else think that, finally, God can no longer sit back and let this trend to make every freakin' thing into a musical unwind?...

Wow! You oughtta be thankful as shit, Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers, getting content on Christmas Eve Eve...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 12/24/2010:

By mistletoe, no-tarry Larry

made merry, with Mary, 'neath berries!

Virginity plucked

but Holiday luck

meant that he popped her CORDIAL cherry!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/24/2010:

Merry Extra Cheezy Christmas Eve!...

***

SPECIAL"PULL-OUT" FRIDAY "ENTERTAIN YOURSELF" SECTION 12/24/2010:

TODAY'S EDITION: Santa's Comin'...

And some Slapper Yapper Grasshopper takin' on this section might get a little somethin' extra in the ol' stocking...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 12/25/2010:

It's Christmas and gifts form a heap

but count those blessings 'fore you sleep!

Though I write of spooj

I seek, ala Scrooge,

for all year, the Spirit to keep!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/25/2010:

From all of ours, to all of yours (with the possible exception of Bank of America execs), the very Merriest, and Cheeziest, Christmas!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 12/26/2010:

Post "fa-la-la-la, la-la-la"

and "ho ho ho!" and "ha ha ha!"

Wake facing today

and feel, I must say...

Well... Mostly, "blah blah blah blah blah."

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/26/2010:

(Sigh)...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 12/26/2010:

A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY

(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: Er...

...Day after Christmas. C'mon. Let's not be ridiculous, here...

Coming Next Year--My One-Time Expert Offer...

And catch up on earlier chapters of this tale, and other Sunday Story Time fare, via the Daily Limerick Archives...

***

MIKE'S ACCURSED VERSE 12/26/2010:

A SPECIAL SUNDAY EXTRA SECTION

(IN BLAZING COLOR... IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT JUST RIGHT)

BY MIKE "BOOM" CHMIELECKI

 

TODAY'S POEM: "...Chaos!"

 

This pretty girl who will

soon be my pretty wife,

lying asleep in bed

last night, turns on her

back and pronounces the

word like an oracle.

 

It coalesces my various worries

into a sleek, shining instrument

which is so sharp I have to

laugh at its purpose. Please.

That's supposed to scare me

at this half-aware hour?

 

She starts awake to my shock,

my uncontrollable laughter,

and she joins in.

 

[If you'd like to praise or berate the poet, e-mail him at mpchmielecki@gmail.com. He won't bite--although he may chew a bit.]

******

DAILY LIMERICK 12/27/2010:

O'er WikiLeaks posts, pols are freakin'--

docs dubbed as "Top Secret," no peeking!

Mid-East fears Iran

Kim Jong-il, nut man...

So, what ARE the "secrets" it's leaking?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/27/2010:

One of the Kardashians (is there really any difference between 'em?) was identified in a news story as the protege of... Paris Hilton?

Talk about a reference unfit for the ol' resume...

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/28/2010:

So Whooping Cough's made a comeback

long after we thought it was whacked.

Thought it'd met its end

yet it's here again...

Much like many classic rock acts!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/28/2010:

Saw a celebrity gossip-page mention of 50 Cent and... He has a Connecticut mansion.

Don't care how many times you've been shot. When you reach a point where you live in a Connecticut mansion, your street cred is automatically yanked.

In fact, Fitty, you shouldn't be dealing in hip-hop anymore. Try New Age (does that music form even exist anymore?)...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 12/29/2010:

Most Brit royals work privilege-born role!

(Top fam'ly, UK's welfare-score dole!)

Prince Charles... What's the dill'a?

Pick of chicks...Camilla?

My guess? She's the Duchess of Cornhole!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/29/2010:

I've come up with a new term.

Chief Limericist checked-in, here.

Let's say you awake one day and just have a helluva time getting going. Seems there's nothing special awaiting you today, or any time in the near, or even not-so-near, future.

You can say you're feeling very "December 26th."

Speaking of which... (Sigh)...

***

SPECIAL "PULL-OUT" WEDNESDAY "EAT IT!" SECTION...WITH MONTE! 12/29/2010:

TODAY'S EDITION: Lookin' for a great Cat fish sandwich?

In Chicago, try Feed--this place has a Monte-riffic catfish sandwich, along with tons of great sides (beet salad, mac 'n' cheese, etc.), breakfast and excellent nightly dinner specials (Monday, chicken 'n' sausage gumbo; Tuesday, pork chop night; etc.) and hamburgers. This place is great and it's worth checkin' out.

Oh, the soup is kinda salty, but good and inexpensive. And if they have it, the yellow cake with chocolate frosting is awesome!

[For more info. and what not... http://monteism.blogspot.com/]

******

DAILY LIMERICK 12/30/2010:

The build-up to Christmas? Now nixed.

Seem broken--without any fix.

Words fail--with them dealing

to describe the feeling...

I'm so... "December 26th."

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/30/2010:

I (Chief Limericist, here) have come up with a new term to describe a feeling around this time of year. It's called... "Feeling December 30th."

Ahem.

Okay, I already sorta used something like that for content, but it's a subtly different malaise than the Dec. 26 one and... As a kid on my block used to say back when I was a kid myself, "Oh, fiddlesticks"...

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/31/2010:

It's New Year's Eve--partiers outbound!

Some booze amateurs--but this lout's found

though night's for shit-facing

pay heed to night's pacing--

or be counted "down" 'fore The Countdown!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/31/2010:

Happy Extra Cheezy New Year's Eve!...

(That, Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers, all things considered, qualifies as legitimate news content)...

***

SPECIAL"PULL-OUT" FRIDAY "ENTERTAIN YOURSELF" SECTION 12/31/2010:

TODAY'S EDITION: If...

...You ass-bastards don't know how to Entertain Yourself on New Year's Eve...

 

Send your own Letter to the Idiot and/or e-mail Sloop! (And attach sexy pics, if you insist. Sigh.)

 

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