Daily Limerick
Archives: October 2010

Contains Mature (and immature) Content;If You’re a Minor, Go Away!

 

NOTE: DL has not yet taken the time to put "anchors" into the archives. Translation: You're gonna have to scroll all the way through the long-ass documents (use your "find" commands, squatlicks)!

 

DAILY LIMERICK 10/1/2010:

"The Social Network"? What to say?

So frightening! So many ways!

Consid'ring its market--

folks at work, play'n farm shit--

should launch as weekday matinee!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/1/2010:

Saw our first Christmas marketing in our daily newspaper yesterday.

Which might be a SLIGHT improvement, as we noticed, a year or two ago, TV ads not even waiting until freakin' Labor Day.

Then again... Maybe there have been Christmas ads for some time--and we're too numb, too resigned to society's unfortunate special-nature-of-Christmas-raping ways, to even have them register as abnormal, at this point.

In taking time to ponder this for a bit... We honestly don't know.

Even Fred the Intern's not sure.

So... Cancel that SLIGHT improvement...

***

SPECIAL"PULL-OUT" FRIDAY "ENTERTAIN YOURSELF" SECTION 10/1/2010:

TODAY'S EDITION: Once Upon a Time...

...There was a weekly section here.

Which means someone was writing it.

Not sure about the "happily ever after" thing...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/2/2010:

A homo resolved, for October,

that he'd not see one minute sober!

Costume choices lacked

for 'Ween--just Hunchback

(found himself perpet'ly bent over)!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/2/2010:

Speaking of "help wanted" ads, don't you just love those sprawling lists of "must have" qualifications...for jobs offering no pay?...

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 10/3/2010:

Hey students--career wannabes

who'll intern, this economy

brings you a bright side!

No pay, girls and guys,

but ads say, can intern for "free"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/3/2010:

Chicago Sun-Times/AP headline--

"Suspect Faces 5 years in Cigarette Smuggling"

That reminds us... When was the last time we thanked the politicians and other do-gooder members of the Big Mother Movement for the latest neo-Prohibition (considering how well others are going, like, say, the War on Drugs)--and all the wonderful effects we're reaping?...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 10/3/2010:

A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY

(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: It's the big day!...

...You know, for us to kick-off another serialized, multi-chapter tale... But we were a little too ambitious.

I mean, the villainous subject of this new tale was only to get out of my life as of the first, and it's only the third, and M'Lady just moved in, with her two dogs (having two cats already here)...boxes all over...oh, the humanity... Remember, anticipation makes the heart (or is that loins?) grow fonder...start getting excited about NEXT week...

***

MIKE'S ACCURSED VERSE 10/3/2010:

A SPECIAL SUNDAY EXTRA SECTION

(IN BLAZING COLOR... IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT JUST RIGHT)

BY MIKE "BOOM" CHMIELECKI

 

TODAY'S POEM: When the why is wider than the how

 

Let's break the words,

the bones of their sounds,

until the ineluctable quiet

 

pours up the vase, lifts

over the crystal ledge,

weeps down its side.

 

Beans and marbles (both seeds)

float in reflected pairs,

face up, face down.

 

[If you'd like to praise or berate the poet, e-mail him at mpchmielecki@gmail.com. He won't bite--although he may chew a bit.]

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/4/2010:

Oh joy--job ad surfing today!

Fun-filled, Great Recession-y way!

Hog-wild elevation,

listed qual'fications--

for "great" jobs that don't freakin' pay!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/4/2010:

Got nothin' today.

Ain't gonna put some silly spin on it. No half-assed attempt at a nugget.

Got dick.

Give us a break. The Chief Limericist just went through a ridiculous move, some of which will be related in Sunday Story Time.

Moving blows...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/5/2010:

Hell, Hades, et all--anti-soothing!

Likes of Sisyphus--souls dark grooving!

Though concepts wax mystic

let's be realistic--

ain't no hellishness quite like moving!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/5/2010:

Again.

Got nothin'.

Hope today's Limerick helps explain things...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/6/2010:

Just saw the year's first Christmas ad.

Pre-Labor Day last year, 'd'be glad...

But could've missed some;

Yule Rape Watch, I'm numb...

Somehow, Santa's still kicked in 'nads.

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/6/2010:

Chicago Sun-Times headline--

"You'll Never Guess Who's Palling Around on 'Dancing With the Stars'"

You're correct, there, celebrity butt-licking columnist! We'll never guess because...frankly, we don't give a shit...

(Bear with us--we're transitioning back to actual news nuggets, or at least "news" nuggets, amid Chiefy's gruesome move)...

***

SPECIAL "PULL-OUT" WEDNESDAY "EAT IT!" SECTION...WITH MONTE! 10/6/2010:

TODAY'S EDITION: Monte is...

...We can't keep track. Chief Limericist is still amid the fallout of his Big Move.

Stuff something in your face and wait for next week's edition...

[For more info. and what not... http://monteism.blogspot.com/]

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/7/2010:

Agreed--Prohibition? Bad bet!

Just stoked crime! We moved on...and yet

War on Drugs? More smuggling

and now? Culled more struggling--

caused Black Market for...cigarettes!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/7/2010:

Chicago Sun-Times headline--

"Chicago's Hottest Clubs (and How to Get in Them)"

Now, any good Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers should know this but... If "how to get in" to a club (or anywhere) entails anything more than, well, walking through the door... There's no reason to go in.

In fact, avoid the place as you would a telemarketer...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/8/2010:

"Hot to Get Into Hottest Clubs"--

head 'bout overpriced poseur hubs.

If "getting in's" more

than walking through door--

must pay me to hang with those schlubs!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/8/2010:

That eco-friendly, biodegradable Sun Chips snack bag that was oh so green chi-chi?

Gone.

Why?

Too noisy.

Customers complained. Even started Facebook pages.

Good luck with saving the planet by badgering individuals to take action, like recycling or buying new appliances or...

***

SPECIAL"PULL-OUT" FRIDAY "ENTERTAIN YOURSELF" SECTION 10/8/2010:

TODAY'S EDITION: Somebody...

Take on this section... We're sick of tryin' to wax cutesy about it every week...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/9/2010:

Notes found by a priest up for Sainthood

revealed that... Well, his chances ain't good!

His exploits, in fact,

missed few carnal acts--

and now? Guess he's more up for Tainthood!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/9/2010:

Cheese.

Jesus.

How 'bout... Cheesus.

Cheesus Christ.

A force we can all rally behind...

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 10/10/2010

Green Sun Chips bags--biodegradable?

They're toast--snackers found noise just hate-able!

Smug greens who feel clever--

fix? Ind'vid'yul effort

like recycling? That's just inflated bull!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/10/2010:

It's Ten-Ten-Ten!

Go out and celebrate by... Well, we're celebrating by using the date as a slack-off cue for this section, with the Chief Limericist still amid a move from hell and all... But you Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers can... We don't know, go bang a 10 or something...

You might also take time to celebrate the fact that, since we've actually slacked-off the content for, not only S&Y, but TWO special extra sections today, this might be DL's biggest slack-off edition yet!...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 10/10/2010:

A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY

(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: A New Serialized Tale!...

...Blah blah blah. Again, far too ambitious thinking we'd kick this off early October... Just had M'Lady move into the condo and... Well, shit that relates to the serialized tale that I can't tell you now... And we have to write these special sections ahead of time... Hopefully next week... It'll be worth it... Taint-chewin' bastards...

***

MIKE'S ACCURSED VERSE 10/10/2010:

A SPECIAL SUNDAY EXTRA SECTION

(IN BLAZING COLOR... IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT JUST RIGHT)

BY MIKE "BOOM" CHMIELECKI

 

TODAY'S POEM: Poetry...

 

...Is hard to define. So maybe THIS is Mike's entry for the week?... Or maybe he'll just return NEXT week...

 

[If you'd like to praise or berate the poet, e-mail him at mpchmielecki@gmail.com. He won't bite--although he may chew a bit.]

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/11/2010:

Misread headline... Ah! Terror plot-o!

Will city be blown to bits? Blotto?

'Twas "tenor," not terror,

yet, despite the error...

Still fright'ning! Potato, pot-ah-to...

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/11/2010:

Oh, those researchers kill us!

Continually goin' on and on about the health benefits of a full eight hours of sleep each night?

Guess they have no families, sex lives, hobbies--not to mention, they must have real cushy gigs with part-time hours.

We'll give 'em a huge benefit of the doubt and say their "findings" assume we're living in olden, simpler times. Take the 1950s, when men were expected to work 12-hour days and forgo any family responsibilities... Okay, go back further, when people had to work the fields or grind the flour and stuff for 16 hours a day to survive the coming winter and... Oh, we'll just take back that benefit of the doubt...

***

LETTERS TO THE IDIOT 10/11/2010:

Mike of Sunday's Accursed Verse, um, "fame" checks in with this thought on our less-than-ambitious edition yesterday--

> Your slack-off edition has inspired me to new heights.

> Here is a special MONDAY poem, just for you and your readers--

>

> On Sunday, Daily Limerick was slackin'.

> It made me want to find a jaw I could hit so I could come up to it and whack it.

> And then I wrote some more rhymes

> that didn't even fit the rhythm or sound like rhymes.

> Hey, is that Lee-Ann Rimes? I don't know what she looks like.

>

>

> Thank you. My gift and talent are extraordinary.

>

> --Mike

Well.

We'll have to call it a draw on this edition of Write a Better Limerick Than Our Chief Limericist.

And we have some advice for Mike--please use some other form of birth control than the rhythm method...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/12/2010:

They're either just cave-dwelling creeps

or they're joking shit runs quite deep...

Researchers! Keep touting

what's...possible? Doubting--

health benes of eight hours o' sleep!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/12/2010:

This peculiar weather... F'r'instance, here in Chicago, the temps hit the mid-80s this past weekend.

And everybody's all, "Make sure and enjoy the weather!"

ENJOY it?

Two words--global warming.

A "controversial" concept? Bullshit. Unlike the Mainstream Media, we're not gonna indulge the Creationist chowderheads and their ideas of people living 300+ years. It's a fact.

Which brings us back to... ENJOY it?

Would you say that if it were, say, raining freakin' frogs?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/13/2010:

"Enjoy'n it?" say all guys and ladies--

October temps, Chi-Town, mid-80s!

First thought? Climate change!

So wrong, not mere "strange"...

Would YOU "enjoy" frog rain from Hades?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/13/2010:

The saying is, "Love is never having to say you're sorry," which we now know to be from "Love Story," which is also...completely wrong. As least if you're the guy in the relationship.

We say that love is indeed about not saying things, however--specifically, spending large amounts of time with the phone to your ear while she's on lunch from work or whatever and saying what amounts to nothing...

Still recovering from the Chief Limericist's move--but at least were not totally blowing-off sections at this point...

***

SPECIAL "PULL-OUT" WEDNESDAY "EAT IT!" SECTION...WITH MONTE! 10/13/2010:

TODAY'S EDITION: Eatin' With the Chain Gang

Aww jeez, I almost hate pluggin' a national chain, but I gotta. Red Lobster for the Maine Lobster.

Lobster from Maine is lobster from Maine--it all gets boiled/steamed the same way, no matter where you go. So if yer lookin to celebrate, and throw down with some lobster, just do it, and go to Red Lobster. You will save a lot of money, and you will love the lobster.

And you will save a lot of money!! (I need to mention that twice so you get it.)

--MONTE

[For more info. and what not... http://monteism.blogspot.com/]

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/14/2010:

Some folks make a big whoop of Jesus.

Why not praise what really does please us

and get all religious

for something delicious--

bow down before tasty Lord Cheese-us!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/14/2010:

So Apple has patented new "anti-sexting" technology.

Apparently necessary these days, considering that parenting is SOOO last century and all...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/15/2010:

New tech frontier Apple is venturing

into allows for "sexting's" censoring!

A must-have, now deemed,

'cause these days it seems

that parenting is SOOO last century!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/15/2010:

Is it just me (Chief Limericist checking in, here) or is there some rule that the hotter the female dentist, the more painful her work is?...

***

SPECIAL"PULL-OUT" FRIDAY "ENTERTAIN YOURSELF" SECTION 10/15/2010:

TODAY'S EDITION: Hmmph!

Screw you.

Screw you all...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/16/2010:

A porn star with brains in her boobs

so dittzily smoked-up a doob--

bush burned; out control!

fore '70s role!

So she had to hit... Jiffy Pubes!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/16/2010:

Now, we're sure most Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers are familiar with the show "Full House."

And of the fact that one of its stars was John Stamos.

Some SYGs are likely also familiar with the older TV show, "Good Times."

That one happened to star John Amos.

We're sure there are other eerie similarities between the two shows.

So today's entry is a do-it-yourselfer. Make your own silly list of the similarities.

We don't have time.

Ass clowns...

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 10/17/2010:

Pop saying, from "Love Story," borrowed be,

"Love means not having to say, 'sorry.'"

But life to me's shown

love means, on the phone,

not having to say much for hour-ies!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/17/2010:

The head of England's largest welfare recipient family, Queen Elizabeth, has cancelled the staff Christmas party this year.

Times are tough, you know.

Better to make the peon workers suffer, though, rather than cancel something like...Sir Charles' weekly taint waxing...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 10/17/2010:

A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY

(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: You've Gotta Be Kiddin' Me

M'Lady just moved in with me. A roommate moved out. There are boxes and stuff all over the place.

We originally said a new, much ballyhooed, serialized tale would be coming this month...and it still might.

But I think the original ballyhoo mentioned, "Coming this Fall," so let's just stick to that for now and not get overly ambitious...

***

MIKE'S ACCURSED VERSE 10/17/2010:

A SPECIAL SUNDAY EXTRA SECTION

(IN BLAZING COLOR... IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT JUST RIGHT)

BY MIKE "BOOM" CHMIELECKI

 

TODAY'S POEM: Question unasked

 

Is the flower conscious

that it is pushing up

through graveyard dirt,

finding fuel and purpose

through the rot all around?

 

Is its beauty, a frothy white

with red touching the tips,

excuse enough for its naked

need? We seem to think so,

tending it, a little memorial

 

for the fallen and forgotten,

the hope for a new, better cycle,

more than its own thing.

But after this flower is gone

and thousands more like it,

 

after the names are washed

away from the gray-green stones,

and the bones below are less

than a poem's worth of dust.

 

[If you'd like to praise or berate the poet, e-mail him at mpchmielecki@gmail.com. He won't bite--although he may chew a bit.]

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/18/2010:

The staff Christmas party, Queen's axing--

times tough, saves on funds from the taxing.

But why screw schlub workers

not Roy'l welfare jerkers?

Cut, say, Charles' weekly taint waxing!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/18/2010:

So addled by Jesus pastor Terry Jones, in the end, decided against burning a copy/copies of the Quran...and was thus given a free car.

Hmmm.

Hear ye, hear ye! Spread the word--Daily Limerick is planning a HUGE upcoming Quran burning!...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/19/2010:

That threat'ning-to-burn-Quran nutcake?

Received offer he just had to take!

No burn 'em--free car!...

Hmm... Plug, near and far

our Daily Lim coming Quran Bake!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/19/2010:

I've been working a haunted house this Halloween season.

Chief Limericist checking-in, here.

Yeah, it seems like Sunday Story Time fodder--and it may well eventually be--but we're a little clogged up in that area, what with the multi-chapter dilly we keep pushing off and... Just wanted to mention that, as a performer who's mostly focused on comedic pursuits, I'm seeing the odd similarities between comedy and horror.

Timing is key. You either hit or miss--no in between.

Stuff like that.

A greater man, or one not amid a Move From Hell, might philosophize on this more...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/20/2010:

Hit dentist--a task I disdain.

'D'been years--coffee, stogies lay'red stains!

Clean brought twice the drool--

hot dentist! The rule's--

the more dentist's shwing, the more pain!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/20/2010:

By the way, since I--Chief Limericist checking in, here--have been working a spook house this season, does that make me a "horrorist" (not so fond of going by, you know, another term that might seem relevant were it not for...you know)?...

***

SPECIAL "PULL-OUT" WEDNESDAY "EAT IT!" SECTION...WITH MONTE! 10/20/2010:

TODAY'S EDITION: Sweet (Next to) Nothings

Lookin' for something sweet, but finding that all the new hipster bakeries are way overpriced? Yes, some are good--that isn't the issue--but cupcakes and cookies should never hover around $5! Period!

Although I do love me some malted cupcakes and homemade twinkies from Angel Food Bakery on Paulina and Montrose in Chicago. It's actually one of my favorite spots to stop for a sweet snack. But never mind that.)

But I am here to tell you about Schlegls. This place has some of the all-time best turtle cookies I have ever eaten! And they're inexpensive, relatively. The cookies have the softest caramel I have ever had on a turtle cookie and the chocolate is a smooth, chocolatey cake frosting. The cookie itself is soft, yet crunchy, like the walnuts sprinkled on the cookie itself.

A perfect turtle cookie awaits you at Schlegls. And if you're not in Chicago, keep up the search--reasonable baked delights CAN be found! (And check out Angel Food Bakery, too, when you're in the mood to really treat yourself. They are monte-licious!)

--MONTE

[For more info. and what not... http://monteism.blogspot.com/]

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/21/2010:

Work spook house, find horror art's like

that of comedy--well-timed strikes

are key! Both hit/miss!

And forms can cross-criss--

as horror sure haunts open-mikes!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/21/2010:

As a possible harbinger of things to come, a Starbucks has opened in Seattle that offers alcoholic beverages.

So, what, a beer's $10?...

And, to match their coffee, do they sell a special brew that manages to way, way overroast--burn--the hops and such?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/22/2010:

To push its sales up 'nother tier

toward liquor sales, Starbucks does veer!

Not sure it's enticing

consid'ring their pricing--

so, what, it's now ten bucks a beer?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/22/2010:

Although this "body wash" crap is all the hip rage...I prefer good old fashioned, reliable bar soap.

Chief Limericist checked-in, here.

Uh-huh.

This has, er, been a Daily Limerick Special Consumer, um, Investigation Edition.

Yeah...

***

SPECIAL"PULL-OUT" FRIDAY "ENTERTAIN YOURSELF" SECTION 10/22/2010:

TODAY'S EDITION: ???...

...???...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/23/2010:

A hot babe hit a haunted house

as sexy witch--first got quite soused!

The ghouls dropped ball, scarin'

and broke roles--stood starin!--

when she worked the orbs 'neath her blouse!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/23/2010:

The social system in our nation's high schools has some fundamental problems.

Shocking investigative uncoverings, we know.

F'r'instance... Popular ditzy freshman chicks learn their high school social roles from popular ditzy upperclassmen chicks.

Which is, if you ask us, sorta like the blonde leading the blonde...

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 10/24/2010:

The way in which high school clicks bond

from one class clique to one beyond

does pass stuck-up hex

from one to the next--

it's like the blonde leading the blonde!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/24/2010:

The Chicago suburb of Elgin is thinking--just thinking, mind you--about changing its policy of drug-testing every city worker...right down to volunteers for parks, recreation, arts, what-have-you.

Volunteers.

Drug tested.

Drug tests costs the city $35 a pop.

Volunteers could probably use a little something for their trouble...say, $35 or so? Some gas/bus money?

Just who do these Elgin politicians think they are? Ummm... The typical employers behind the rare job openings these days?...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 10/24/2010:

A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY

(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: That Much Ballyhooed New Multi-Chapter Tale Coming to Sunday Story Time?...

...You know, that we've been trumpeting for months as coming in October?

With the Chief Limericist's Move That Will Not Die and all... Well... A new, glorious, serialized, multi-chapter tale coming to Sunday Story Time... This November!...

***

MIKE'S ACCURSED VERSE 10/24/2010:

A SPECIAL SUNDAY EXTRA SECTION

(IN BLAZING COLOR... IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT JUST RIGHT)

BY MIKE "BOOM" CHMIELECKI

 

TODAY'S POEM: Mike...

 

...Aw, how the hell do we know? We're still trying to un-bury the Chief Limericist from under all the boxes after his Big Move...

 

[If you'd like to praise or berate the poet, e-mail him at mpchmielecki@gmail.com. He won't bite--although he may chew a bit.]

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/25/2010:

Though seems folks find body wash dope

my own tests have me pick bar soap!

Who says 'vestigative

reporting is dated--

with that piece, hard hitting in scope?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/25/2010:

When you stop and think about it, you'd think that people would be most active on sites like Facebook on weekends.

When they're off work.

Right?

Curiously, it's just the opposite.

Hmmm...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/26/2010:

Thought not'd have to go out on limb

to guess Facebook postings'd be slim

on workdays, increasing

with weeend's releasing...

But it's just the opposite!? Hmmm...

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/26/2010:

Froth-mouthed critics of Obama's healthcare overhaul are pointing to evidence indicating that, because of new requirements, employers will be cutting employee insurance altogether--or at least passing on much of the cost to employees.

Because, of course, it's not like that's been slowly happening anyway.

Why, the last time I had employer health insurance (Chief Limericist checking in, here)... Well, it wasn't THAT long ago. And if I recall correctly, that insurance covered close to 90 percent of my doctor's 15 cent house call...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/27/2010:

So Elgin, 'burb to Chi-Town near,

drug tests workers...and volunteers?

Too bad this ain't lark! It's

in line with job market--

indentured servants reappear!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/27/2010:

Chicago Tribune Headline--

"Sony to Stop Making Walkman Cassette Player"

Well. Guess the Smithsonian has enough of 'em now, eh?...

***

SPECIAL "PULL-OUT" WEDNESDAY "EAT IT!" SECTION...WITH MONTE! 10/27/2010:

TODAY'S EDITION: Indian Summer?

Indian summer? Eat Indian/Pakistani food.

I know it's not the same, but a rose called a rose is a rose. Indian summer, Indian food.

In Chicago, go to Ghareeb Nawaz, 2032 W. Devon Ave., for prices that'll surprise and food that will delight you. I recommend the boneless Chicken Biryani and a Paratha bread. It'll be under $6 at Ghareeb Nawaz and you'll have leftovers for maybe two days.

Maybe...

--MONTE

 

[For more info. and what not... http://monteism.blogspot.com/]

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/28/2010:

The headline, at first, seemed like jive--

end of cassette walkman's arrived?

Producing them, Sony's done...

Guess the Smithsonian

now has enough for archives?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/28/2010:

Considering that elections of some sort go back to the days of the Ancient Greeks, inventors of Democracy...and that advertising, of some sort, has existed just as long, even if it was simply shouting from the town square... Was the concept of a scary holiday, now known as Halloween, always marked during a season of political election ads?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/29/2010:

'Tween costumes, Samantha was wobblin'.

For dad, princess 'gether was cobblin';

at party, played witch

for nerds she did ditch--

and 'tween cute guy's legs was a'goblin'!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/29/2010:

You know what we at Daily Limerick love about sports?

You can kick back, watch your favorite team, relax and enjoy yourself, forgetting about your stresses and the rest of the screwed up world! Why, it's like... Hmm. What's this Chicago Sun-Times headline?--

"NFL Passes Cash to Politicians"

Ahem.

You know what we at Daily Limerick like about porn?... Don't even tell us...

***

SPECIAL"PULL-OUT" FRIDAY "ENTERTAIN YOURSELF" SECTION 10/29/2010:

TODAY'S EDITION: La La La...

...La la la la-la-la...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/30/2010:

A ghost's graveyard scaring load lagged

for Halloween, though others nagged.

Soon found that his moans were

marred by skel'tal boner--

he couldn't put down ghouly mags!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/30/2010:

Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers know I've been working a spook house gig this Halloween season. (Chief Limericist checking in, here.)

Halloween this year falls on a Sunday. Meaning it's a big weekend at the spook house. According to long-time haunted house folk, days like...oh, this last Wednesday, with such a Halloween calendar set-up, bring out people who want to beat the weekend crowd.

These long-timers were right--on Wednesday night, many folks did indeed come out to beat the weekend crowd and its long lines.

So many folks, in fact, that you could call it a "beat the weekend crowd crowd" which, consequently, had to wait in long lines.

Hmmm...

Happy Extra Frighteningly Scary Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 10/31/2010:

Now Melvin, a desp'rate nerd rube,

did date a she-werewolf. Big boobs

but, well...rather hairy.

And what was most scary

was full moon grew '70s pubes!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/31/2010:

Speaking of Halloween and spook houses and all that... I'm assuming some of you Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers are talking about such things, considering it's Halloween and all... Come to my place!

M'Lady moved in earlier in the month, there are still boxes all over the place... I'm frightened every time I come home!

Seriously. Come one, come all... Er, scratch that... Just imagine it, ya' butt-freaks...

Happy Extra Cheezy Halloween!...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 10/31/2010:

A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY

(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: Please...

...Coming in November, that multi-chapter tale.

You're lucky we can find our freakin' computers after Chiefy's Big Move...

***

MIKE'S ACCURSED VERSE 10/31/2010:

A SPECIAL SUNDAY EXTRA SECTION

(IN BLAZING COLOR... IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT JUST RIGHT)

BY MIKE "BOOM" CHMIELECKI

 

TODAY'S POEM: Mike Is...

 

...Evidently in character for his Halloween costume--as someone who blows off his Sunday Story Time assignment.

He'll return next week.

We think.

But do we care?...

 

[If you'd like to praise or berate the poet, e-mail him at mpchmielecki@gmail.com. He won't bite--although he may chew a bit.]

 

Send your own Letter to the Idiot and/or e-mail Sloop! (And attach sexy pics, if you insist. Sigh.)

 

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