Daily Limerick
Archives: June 2013

Contains Mature (and immature) Content;If You’re a Minor, Go Away!

 

NOTE: DL has not yet taken the time to put "anchors" into the archives. Translation: You're gonna have to scroll all the way through the long-ass documents (use your "find" commands, squatlicks)!

 

DAILY LIMERICK 6/1/2013:

Chick woke up late--schedule off-track! Crunched

for time--wasn't able to pack lunch!

To cover her loss

her horny ol' boss

dropped trou--offering ample sack lunch!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/1/2013:

Since the features folks of traditional media like to focus on those "Profiles in Courage" or "Profiles in Faith," etc., etc., we're thinking of unveiling a new feature here to spotlight certain artists, members of... Well, of a majority group, unfortunately.

"Profiles in Assery"

We just have no idea where to begin.

So look for that feature in upcoming editions of Daily Limerick.

Maybe...

Happy Extra Cheezy First Saturday of June!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 6/2/2013:

Firm hetero--naught can corrupt!

But yen to touch man thing erupts

when eyeing my brackets.

I'd sure like a crack at

the glory of Lord Stanley's Cup!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/2/2013:

Speaking of ass... Well, we were in yesterday's edition.

Anyway... Got a new term to describe a certain type of person. A common type. This is one of those compound words, to conveniently note someone who... Anyway, guess it speaks for itself--

"Assiot."

Happy usage!...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 6/2/2013:

A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY

(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: At Last!...

...I can fully blow-off an edition of SST!

Yeah, the newspaper saga is still going (see recent editions in the archives, bastards), but nothing's new, I'm penning this on Memorial Day Weekend and... Well, I'll leave it at that, lest another blow-off turns edition... Write at ya' next weekend?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/3/2013:

Conveniently, stores have a Fast Lane--

say, eight or ten items to pass lane.

But system needs revamp--

stall line with check, food stamps?

We must now add Pain in the Ass Lane!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/3/2013:

So there's this new-ish product TV-advertised all over the honkin' place, the Pocket Hose.

Now, we'd ask our typical question of, "What happened to the focus groups?" what with... Well, POCKET HOSE? And commercials repeatedly trumpeting how one can, "watch it grow" but... Evidently, they've GOTTA be shooting for the dirty-thinking angle here.

Guess that's one way to head-off the ridicule...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/4/2013:

Of "Profiles," mainstream news shows mastery--

in "Courage," say, 'gainst forces dastardly.

Spotlights scarce minority!

Non-hailed majority

cries out for, "Profiles...in Assery"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/4/2013:

Our cable TV radio-like channels bring us three options for country music--Classic Country, a regular; Today's Country, to be avoided; and... True Country.

Tried giving True Country a spin recently, figuring it might mix in some new stuff with the classics, bringing a bit of hepness to the equation but... Seems it features near-new tunes, within the last 10 years or so and... When did newer country music become dominated by '70s covers?

Guess that, while it's not classic country, it's "classic," as in "classic rock," as in, "Don't have to be good to be a classic!"...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/5/2013:

Support the print news industry?

No more--no longer supports me!

Price up--record topping!--

to match content dropping!

Toss bill? "Canc'ling's" scam to break free!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/5/2013:

Long before there were Ranch-flavored snacks, there was... Sour Cream & Onion.

One of the Original Three Doritos flavors, in fact, WAS Sour Cream & Onion.

Aw, hell. "Ranch" is really a shilled-up moniker for Sour Cream & Onion.

Enjoy some SC&O chips today! Tell 'em Daily Limerick sent ya'...

Tell WHOM we sent ya'? Well... The register jerk at wherever you buy 'em? Your snacking companion(s)?

Whomever. What more do you want from us? Stuff your face...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/6/2013:

When someone's demeanor is nasty shit,

and also has little to pass as wit...

Need new compound-noun

for species of clown

and thus I propose the term, "Assiot"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/6/2013:

So you take a grunt job and are supposed to at least take comfort in the fact that the chain takes pride in being a "green" company (by the way, we still hate that lame term, "green").

In fact, there's a store mere blocks away from you! No car, bus, fuel usage of any kind--not to mention it encourages you to exercise more and that the time saved increases your "quality of life"--all concepts the big corporation's PR flaks cream jeans over trumpeting!

But seriously? Take it from us--grocers, drug stores, you name it. They're sure as hell NOT gonna place you at the store nearby.

Hey, even coveted Press Points can't trump the all too corporately human urge to lord power over you, grunt--they've got health insurance; you've got crippling student aid bills!

Welcome to the New Economy's Indentured Servitude...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/7/2013:

Commercials for the... "Pocket Hose"?

Shills marveling, "Watch how it grows"?

Spritz your fertile garden

and watch the thing harden...

Just end ad with cig and a doze!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/7/2013:

The early months of taking on a new renter/roommate to pay for one's place has given us an idea for a new TV show--

"Gaywatch."

See, it's all about... Well, guess you can figure it out...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/8/2013:

A hot little girlie named Goetz

slept in, 'fore lunch date did forget

to wash prim and thorough

so when date muff-burrowed--

found she'd put the "fish" in "fishnets"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/8/2013:

Accidentally as a lead-up to Daily Limerick's 14th Birthday (7/12/13), upon which point we begin our 15th Year of "Service," the first volume in the Complete Daily Limerick series (1999-2000) is now available as an e-book! (Along with a Sloop novel.) Check out http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/JohnSloopBiederman...

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 6/9/2013:

Now some may live lives out of "Baywatch,"

but with a new boarder can play "watch

for signs," new and old-hat--

though "nothing's wrong with that!"--

your curious mind lives out, "Gaywatch"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/9/2013:

Happy Extra Cheezy Six-Nine Day!...

(We trust that you Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers can figure out the meaning and how to celebrate)...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 6/9/2013:

A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY

(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: Late-Breaking Creative Fiction Update...

...Guess that's what you call it when a Sunday Story Time edition refuses to resolve itself for weeks upon weeks... Anyway--

Slapper Yappers should know, if they've been following DL/SST (if not, see the damn archives), that I ended my near two-decade daily newspaper addiction by not renewing the latest Chicago Sun-Times subscription bill, anticipating much jonesing and such, being a recovering journalist...to find the bastards continuing to deliver the damn thing, then wondering if I'm actually supposed to freakin' CANCEL, as perhaps a dying industry trick... Back to anyway--

Thought the subscription finally stopped, not receiving a newspaper May 26th. Headed out of town that day to see family, only to find...more papers delivered when I returned. Through the 30th, in fact.

So I actually called the bastards. They had the nerve to ask, "Did you cancel?"

"No I didn't cancel. I stopped paying, figuring that would stop the subscription. Just wanna make sure, as I don't intend to pay for it anymore."

So now, I THINK it has stopped. Will keep you posted.

So at this point, I've semi-jonesed and, knowing Addiction, realize that a Full Jonesing is in order, the only path to true recovery so... Yeah. You'll probably hear more on this...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/10/2013:

Corp chains clamor to be seen, "green"!

Work one--student loans grown obscene!

Store block away? Uh-uh, dude!

Indentured servitude

power trip trumps "green" to beans!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/10/2013:

Confucius say, "He who is straight and takes on gay roommate soon learns what women mean by the term, 'creepy'"...

Okay, so that's, er, from the "Lost Files" of Confucius, yeah...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/11/2013:

Cable music stations? A boon!

To that "Classic Country" I swoon!

Steer clear of "Today's,"

gave "True Country" play...

Mostly... Classic rock cover tunes?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/11/2013:

As long as Big Academia continues the perpetrate the ballsy scam of offering actual PRINT JOURNLISM degrees, somebody pass a law at least requiring a unit in "Properly Uttering: 'Would You Like Fries/A Scone/Paper Or Plastic With That?'"...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/12/2013:

Now many, for "ranch" taste come undone

and, sure, I'll admit it's yum-yum one,

but it's shot at harkening

new twist, shill marketing,

of classic Sour Cream & Onion!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/12/2013:

Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers know that I, Chief Limericist, emcee various events in Chicago. These are long, multi-band, late-night affairs and, living perpetually on the cheap, I eat before heading to these shows, but find myself starving for a second dinner later on, thus usually end up blowing some of my performance pay on fast food.

One of these monthly engagement venues is newer and, thus, an exiting challenge--figuring my options for late-night snackery.

There is a 24-hour Subway nearby.

Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers should know that I have a love-hate relationship with Subway. Aw, hell, my relationship with Subway is the most dysfunctional one I've ever known. It's so damn cheap but always disappoints and... Anyway. I've been seeking a late-night alternative.

So after a between-band Subway munch two shows back, when I walked the few blocks to my bus stop post-show, I noticed both a Burger King and a Taco Bell near that intersection. Just in range--I could do my between-acts shtick and the next band intro, hike down to BK/TB, hike back in just enough time--perhaps enough time to actually eat and indulge a post-meal smoke--to handle the next entertainment break.

I looked forward to this all month. Well, when I thought about it, anyway. I do love food, my social life's a bit lacking but... Anyway. One of Life's Little Things.

So I made the check, stomach mumbling, salivation starting... Only drive-thrus open.

I'm not sure of the etiquette involved here, but I was not willing to stroll through a freakin' drive-thru.

What, was I supposed to bum a ride through the drive-thru? Go rent a car?

I don't know. There's some commentary to be leveled with all this, but I can only say... Bastards... Screechin' bastards... Back into Subway's arms, like battered wife on "COPS"...

***

LETTERS TO THE IDIOT 6/12/2013:

This, um, helpful little nugget comes in under the heading of, "Content Proposal for dailylimerick.net," from one Michelle Jacobs of celebritytweens@gmail.com--

> Hey there,

>

> My name is Mike and I noticed you talk about fashion

> and celebrities so I thought you would be interested

> in this blog post about the most popular...

So doing research and actually READING info is NOT dead in the Internet Age!

Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers well know that if there's one topic that cries, "Daily Limerick," it's fashion! And, if we're allowed two, of course, 'tweens!

Sorry, Mike, but we're okay content-wise. We'd answer more fully, but we're off to meet one of the VIPs of the Fashion World. Uh... Buster Brown, we think (have to check our calendar on that)...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/13/2013:

If Big College must still work rat

scam, off'ring degree in old hat,

dead print journalism,

'least add course realism--

"Sources 101: 'Fries With That?'"

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/13/2013:

So Justin Bieber and his monkey.

Abandoning the poor creature in Germany.

Now, we have a hard time believing this had nothing to do with that fact that Elvis at one point owned monkeys and... Yeah.

Now, Biebs. You're famous and all but... Elvis?

Seriously. Twenty years from now--hell, we're not sure about THREE years from now... Maybe you can start by, you know, sounding conclusively like a MAN when you sing?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/14/2013:

Must take boarder (live on the cheap-y)!

Gay one helps me "get" women peeps! See--

makes rude innuendo;

fear for my rear end! Whoah!

THAT'S why chicks call many guys, "creepy"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/14/2013:

Got a texting app on my iPad.

Chief Limericist, here. Yeah, I'm a bit behind on some things.

The number it assigned me was a Texas number.

Meaning you could say that, "All my text-ses come from Texas."

He hee.

But you probably wouldn't say that, only you COULD...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/15/2013:

A fella with lousy luck dating

took R&R through in-line skating!

He ogled much tail

'long park's scenic trail--

was nabbed and booked for master-blading!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/15/2013:

So... Sexting.

Seriously.

Now, unless you're a full-on exhibitionist... Why?

I, Chief Limericist (checking in, here) came of age before the Rise of the Internet, which made things even worse and... As a general rule--"No pics of my John Thomas anywhere, for any reason, lest they fall into...God knows whose hands."

While I feel myself bordering a "Damn kids these days!" rant here... Not really.

I can UNDERSTAND getting bombed and driving a group to prom. Drinking feels good. Youth brings a feeling of immortality.

I can UNDERSTAND doing drugs and having sex. Unprotected sex, drunken/high sex, peer-pressure sex. Sex feels good. I UNDERSTAND that. Not having the approval of one's peers feels BAD, so I understand trying to correct that in order to...you guessed it, FEEL GOOD.

It's not even a "Kids these days" issue, actually. Brett Favre? Anthony Wiener?

Don't get it.

Just when I start to feel like I'm part of the Human Race, I ponder something like this, feeling like an alien visiting Earth thinking, "Now, what in the hell does anybody get out of freakin' SEXTING?"...

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 6/16/2013:

So... Bieber abusing his Monkey?

Lame scheme to move past temp, pop hunky!

'Course, so did the King...

Yeah, right. Here's the thing--

ten years? Biebs, you're trivia, punky!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/16/2013:

Happy Extra Cheezy Father's Day!...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 6/16/2013:

A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY

(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: The End!

No, this isn't some sort of cry for help, but the long-awaited end to my newspaper addiction problem!

That is, the Chicago Sun-Times FINALLY stopped delivering the damn thing, about three weeks after I stopped paying for the subscription--and I haven't received a bill, to boot!

See, I've went through a daily print newspaper every day since... Anyway, see the damn Archives if you need to be brought to speed on that.

Jonesing isn't too bad. In fact, the Sun-Times strung it out so long I was actually sick of the damn thing by the time it finally stopped, always a good recovery sign (from someone in the know)... Still adjusting, getting my news from free papers, the Internet, background TV... But I'm firmly seated on The Wagon...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/17/2013:

Got iPad text app--my up-next biz!

(Bit 'hind the times--that's what my hex is!)

Number's out-of-state

but can say--it's great!--

that, "All my text-ses come from Texas"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/17/2013:

Those who still remember journalism in the Age of the Twit may recall the Five Ws and H.

Specific answers considered necessary for a proper news story.

Well, we have one to add to that age-old equation. Forgive us, but, all things considered, it's more than appropriate, especially considering the gauge for what is, and is not, "news" today, that we present the Five Ws and Two Hs--

Who, What, Where, When, Why, How and...Huh?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/18/2013:

I try, best I can, to stay wit' it!

But "sexting"? Something 'bout don't sit wit'...

Take pics of John Thomas?

'Net Age well upon us?

Got no urge; what's point here? Don't get it!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/18/2013:

Regardless of your so-called "opinion" on that Gay Rights Movement, you've gotta admit they've done a superb job AS a movement.

If nothing else... Well, June for a History Month.

The original American Civil Rights Movement? Black History Month, of course, is February.

Can't imagine why the LGBT History Month has so many more outdoor festivals...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/19/2013:

Out late; cheap snack time; must eschew

Subway... See BK--that'll do!

Make trek--hope staves mopin'...

What? Only PART open?

So I'm s'pposed to STROLL the...drive-thru?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/19/2013:

Applewood-smoked.

Sounds delicious at first listen-to, no?

Probably stemming from the word "apple" because... Well, I'm no expert, but I've barbecued via smoker enough to know... Now, perhaps some CAN indeed tell the difference between, say, an applewood and a mesquite or hickory chip smoking, but... Take eatery commercials lately.

Those marketing shills get on a term and... Zip-bang!

"Applewood-smoked" is the new "Tuscan"!...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/20/2013:

Here's "News 101" rule for ya'--

Five Dubyas and H! (To pros, "Duh!")

But now, in the Age of Twit,

one more "H," scribes must hit--

Who, What, Where, When, Why, How...Huh?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/20/2013:

First of all, their singing voices sound virtually interchangeable.

So... We have a little conspiracy theory here. Although we're admittedly unsure of what a possible motive could be, and while they frequent many of the same awards shows and various to-do's... Anyway--

Justin Bieber.

Miley Cyrus.

Is there solid evidence of them appearing in the same room together at the same time?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/21/2013:

Regardless your take--"Yes/No Marry?"

Fact is, Gay Rights Movement ain't tarried!

For Gay Pride, nabbed June--

an outdoor fest boon!

While Black Hist'ry's tossed...February?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/21/2013:

Sometimes, as they say, "the plot thickens."

Sometimes, it just curdles...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/22/2013:

A volleyball babe with pro dreams

with teamwork, would go to extreme!

One morn, after pep talk,

the ditz barely could walk--

took one FROM--not just FOR the team!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/22/2013:

What if Life gives you rotten lemons?...

Happy Extra Cheezy First Saturday of Summer 2013!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 6/23/2013:

A plot can move like hare or turtle!

But when a plot "thickens"? Those words pull

you in, as if black hole!

An author Top Five goal!

But sometimes a plot merely curdles!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/23/2013:

As a natural optimist, it's a constant battle to maintain hope for the Human Race.

Chief Limericist checking in, here.

Lost a battle in that war the other day while riding a Chicago elevated subway train.

Heard some cat blathering to a couple, whom he'd apparently met at a Cubs game (adding fuel to the Fire o' Hopelessness), about his difficulties finding that Special Lady--prattling about Match.com and such mating ploys and his inability to land Ms. Right in those manners.

Then he explained that he was trying to land on "The Bachelorette" or perhaps even "The Bachelor" as the latter's titular wahoo.

Of course, the very continued existence of these shows in a form of Kryptonite for Optimists...but I'm not going there now.

This chowderhead... Okay. The existence of "The Bachelor" and its nefarious spin-offs at least comes hand-in-hand with the fact that the vast majority of its viewers know the score. That it's entertaining to them, somehow, and that the entire premises shares "reality" TV's actual disconnect with dictionary-definition reality.

But this lumploaf actually spoke of "The Bachelor" as a means of meeting a soul mate and not only marrying, but marrying long-term and finding lasting happiness.

So... I'm having a difficult time adding on of our signature witty cappers here. You'll have to pardon me on this one, as I'm consumed with fighting off the urge to step in front of a steamroller...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 6/23/2013:

A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY

(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: The End! (Part II)

Today's title, at first ponder, may seem a bit ridiculous but, seriously, Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers, this is it.

The End, of this Tale That Would Not Die, of ending my daily newspaper addiction... See the damn Archives if you're not up to speed.

Couple of things to finally close this out--

I'm now dmittedly on a form of methadone as a means of easing out of the Addiction. That is, picking up the weekday RedEye, the Chicago Tribune's free dillio with a legit content level somewhere between a traditional daily newspaper and a local newscast. I'll add, however, that while methadone programs exist with the intention of eventually being weaned-off the methadone, that may not be necessary with RedEye.

It's one of the rare pubs in Chicago that's actually doing well. Completely free, thriving on advertiser money... Really, perhaps the New Model for print journalism altogether, so it's not so much a harmful Addiction as perhaps more like...use of coffee.

And as a Closer, of sorts, the desperate rat bastards at the Chicago Sun-Times actually sent me a bill of around $16.

A bill for the newspaper I stopped paying for before realizing the chiselers actually expect people to CANCEL, rather than the typical, "no pay, no service" credo followed by the rest of the world. ("Maybe they won't notice for months and months!")

Yeah, I miss the comics, still don't like TV news and, other than checking quick facts here and there, will probably never be an Internet newsreader.

But I'm facing the new reality quite well.

When it comes to staving off bankruptcy, starvation and homelessness in this world, you must avoid things like... Well, chemical addiction, attempting a print journalism career...potato, po-tah-to...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/24/2013:

Aged wisdom, through time not forgotten--

if Life throws you lemons, fret not, friend!

Just make lemonade, kid!

Yet those a bit jaded

may ask... What if lemons are rotten?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/24/2013:

While we at Daily Limerick aren't huge fans of this 90-degree+, humid weather... At least every day we can look forward to being blown by a fan.

You see, because... Why don't we just leave it at that?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/25/2013:

Bieber, Miley Cyrus--wild fame!

Know their latest looks--though find lame!

Of them, must ask whether,

seen same place? Together?

Song voices, too, sound much the same!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/25/2013:

While oft overlooked by adults, kids' joke books can be pretty darn funny.

Don't knock-knock it 'til you've tried it...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/26/2013:

O'er "applewood smoked," what a fuss! Can

hear food ads with term dawn to dusk, man!

Hack marketing shills

just can't get their fill!

Why, "applewood smoked's" the new "Tuscan"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/26/2013:

Skittles, as the candy legend is prone to do regularly, has a new flavor mix--

Skittles Darkside.

Sure, its Midnight Lime offering is a little hokey, but Dark Berry, Forbidden Fruit, etc., makes for a nice addition to the fruity, chewy snacking staple. Then again... Well.

I'm generally a member of an unworthy demographic among advertisers and marketing shills. Wannbe hep commercials for things like cars, clothing, what have you?... I'm immune. If I'm not making a sandwich or hitting the can during such commercials, I'm reading or, even if watching... You ain't selling me nothing, pal. I decide if I should make a purchase, research it if pricey enough, usually buy the cheapest variety available, shop at a place that's convenient to me... Yup.

But if I spy, in the grocery store, say a new Little Debbie snack cake or... Oh, let's say new Skittles Darkside?

I'm the prime demographic for that stuff.

It's gotta be good if I'll make purchases beyond the first but, yeah. In the world of snacking, I'm the marketers' wet dream sucker...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/27/2013:

Genes geared me as cool-weather man!

So, summer? Hack best as I can

those hot, humid days.

Take heart--'least can say,

most likely get blown by a fan!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/27/2013:

Attention journalists, bloggers, et. al.--

Jackloaf, egomaniacal quotes from Kanye West are no longer news.

The sky is blue, the Mid-East is in turmoil, Kanye West is shitting out his mouth... It's "news" when he says something normal-ish... And even then, we say it's best to just ignore the moron, but that ain't gonna happen...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/28/2013:

Nephews have kids' joke book--I spied it!

Cracked open to read what's inside it...

Laughed hearty--I loved it!

Ya' think you're above it?

Don't knock-knock it, until you've tried it!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/28/2013:

So a Media Hubbub is ensuing over this Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman trial regarding Martin and/or his cohorts using the "highly offensive" term, "cracker."

Shut up.

Seriously.

"Cracker" is far too goofball to be "offensive."

Likewise, "honky."

In fact, there is NO offensive slur for white people, with history leaving us no "N-Word" or "F-Word" or... So, please, shut the hell up... Kudos to the talking heads, though, for keeping poker faces while even SAYING "cracker," much less the acting job of playing "offended"...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/29/2013:

A horny old biker named Charlie

found sparks with gang's long-legged Carly!

Took plush seat, grabbed sandals hard--

revved, worked like handlebars!

Rough-rode bitch home like a Harley!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/29/2013:

Chicagoans like us, at least those with even the most cursory knowledge of sports, have to be thinking... Oh, yeah, baseball's going on... Why bother?...

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 6/30/2013:

I'm purist--with Free Speech, don't mess!

Exceptions? Not one! But confess

one thought school, pro-censor,

I'll cop--see some sense there...

That widely known as... "Kanye West"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/30/2013:

Somebody should throw down some rules of etiquette regarding big city public benches.

Now, of course, these benches are public property. But it's still a bit awkward to have a stranger sit next to you, at least a non-looker, so when there are other nearby benches completely open one should... Aw, what the hell am I thinkin' here?

Etiquette is SOOO Last Century...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 6/30/2013:

A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY

(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: And on the Seventh Entry...

...Of the Conquering Newspaper Addiction Saga (see the Archives if unknowing, bastards), Daily Limerick's Chief Limercist rested.

Well, unsure as the whether the Tale That Would Not Die ran an actual seven entries--would have to conduct the research of counting... But, anyway.

Originally figured that, since the original, intended-as-one-part entry was so sprawling, and took so much out of me, I'd take a (rare?) deserved blow-off on this section for the week following...but it kept coming back...and back... Well, since it's FINALLY finished, my rest time is due... Hack at cha' next week...

 

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