Daily Limerick
Archives: September 2013

Contains Mature (and immature) Content;If You’re a Minor, Go Away!

 

NOTE: DL has not yet taken the time to put "anchors" into the archives. Translation: You're gonna have to scroll all the way through the long-ass documents (use your "find" commands, squatlicks)!

 

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 9/1/2013:

Rent spare rooms--I'm now the Godfather

of riffraff! Brings much dark tale fodder!

Place cam'ras all 'round--

"real'ty" show bound!

Sheer horror in house of..."Big Bother"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/1/2013:

Happy Extra Cheezy... Well, it's Labor Day Weekend, so Happy Extra Cheezy Sunday of Your Labor Day Weekend!...

(For a behind-the-scenes look at additional reasoning behind today's blow-off "content," see Sunday Story Time)...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 9/1/2013:

A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY

(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: A Much Deserved Holiday Weekend

We're taking off for today's edition. The reason is titular. (He hee.)

Without going into what good Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers should already know, too much anyway... Yes, I've been marginally employed for many moons now, just FINALLY going back onto the full-time gig trai,n officially with the start of this month, so many might argue that, "Hey! Labor Day Weekend is NOT a 'Much Deserved Holiday Weekend' for you, pal!"

To which I'd reply, "When was the last time YOU were out of work and lookin', pal?"

If that ain't freakin' "work" by itself... Not to mention the added stress from the extra debts and the uncertainty and... Anyway, fuck off, there, imaginary "pal"... We're celebrating...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 9/2/2013:

New full-time gig--far beyond great!

(Been marg'n'lly employed, as of late!)

Through Recession, longed to say--

fin'ly a Labor Day,

rather than mope, celebrate!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/2/2013:

Happy Extra Cheezy Labor Day!...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 9/3/2013:

Bike-friendly Chi-Town's re-explored

rules/regs--like for when cyclist's "doored,"

new Vision assigns

the driver upped...fine?

A FINE? Really? Not a REWARD?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/3/2013:

When someone is on a morning routine and suddenly collides with someone still awake but technically on an up-late (early?), pre-slumber routine... Well, let's just say that such worlds are NOT meant to ever meet--and the results are far from pretty...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 9/4/2013:

Nissan's self-drive cars--where the groove's went

for Gadgets-Do-Everything Movement!

Can just hear jokes--clever!

But if you've drove--ever!...

Well, can only be an improvement!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/4/2013:

Enjoying dinner while watching "The Honeymooners" could result in Chili con (Art) Carney.

Ahem.

It is, you know, Wednesday "Food" content day.

Move along. Nothing to read here...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 9/5/2013:

Chick dating pool? 'S'no secret I

shoot much younger! Young-at-Soul guy!

Mix God did intend fer!

They say, "May-December"--

but I shoot more "April-July"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/5/2013:

Now here's an interesting concept for Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers to mull over, although we're not quite sure how to define it--

Catch-69...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 9/6/2013:

Those urban clipboarders who shill

Greepeace, gay rights...progressive bill?

On same page but... Heeb-jeebies!

Urge--endangered species

tossed to and 'cued on the grill!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/6/2013:

We haven't done this in a while and it was a semi-regularish thing, way back.

So let's play Put an Annoying Song Into the Heads of Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers--

"September morn... We danced until the night became a brand new day..."

Happy Extra Cheezy September Morn...

Feel free, of course, to, "Dance until..."

******

DAILY LIMERICK 9/7/2013:

Tour guide jibed with tourist--babe wonder!

Her Aussie goods, he sought to plunder!

Rubbed outback and... Voila!

Tickled her koala--

soon got her exploring Down Under!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/7/2013:

Confucious says... Okay, might have said, you never know--

He who is of the sunny disposition to think, "There is good in every person"...has never rented out the spare rooms in his home via Craig's List...

Happy Extra Cheezy (if a tad unsocial) Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 9/8/2013:

Pre-bed routine... What's this? Near cried!

New roomie by...wake sched. abides?

A clash thus unfurled,

two discordant worlds

that cannot--nay, must not--collide!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/8/2013:

So now Army Pvt. Bradley Manning...make that Chelsea Manning is seeking a... Presidential Pardon?

Isn't that like... Feeding the hand that bites you? Or something like that?...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 9/8/2013:

A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY

(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: Mom's Bag O' Shitty Lighters

My mother passed away Dec. 1 of last year. It's been nine months and, while I'm dealing with it much better than early on, I must admit that I'm still, you know, "dealing with it," as they say.

I may always be dealing with it, frankly. Everyday life is back to so-called "normal," of course, at this point, but there are still occurrences and items that jar the memory, sending me back to grieving, out of nowhere. But I've prattled about this herein before.

Perhaps because I'm a lifelong writer, most of my life memories are not visual. I have an admirable memory for even distant events but relatively few photos and such. I've had many a curious ex ask to see pictures of exes from the past and... Just don't have 'em. Even with new technology and the current ease of taking and storing photos and videos, I don't have much on that level.

I do have physical keepsakes. Cards and notes from birthday, Christmas, etc. gifts past and present. Knickknacks somehow obtained on family vacations long ago--stuff like that.

One such keepsake stoking my mother's memory is Mom's Bag O' Shitty Lighters.

A little background. Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers know that I'm a smoker. Cigar smoker, although I smoked cigarettes at one point, even a pipe for a bit. And, yes, I'm certainly an addicted smoker. I'm not talking about a cigar occasionally on special occasions. I buy big cigars, puff now and then on one, smoking a few each day.

My parents were both smokers. My dad still is, although he only has a couple per day at this point. My mom began in high school, as did I (although I started my journey down Tobacco Road via chew); my dad started in the Navy, when the only items he was allowed on his personal desk were a Bible and a pack of cigarettes, if desired. Dad started the habit to help stay awake on overnight watch shifts, actually.

I mention these facts to describe a situation that might seem especially bizarre today--my parents were smoke friendly, even toward me. They were raised in an age when it was simple etiquette to allow guests to smoke in your home, whether or not the homeowners themselves smoked. Of course, I was their CHILD, not a guest, but they didn't learn of my using tobacco until I was already seventeen and...they just let it happen. There was a little bit of nagging about it, a touch of the "trust me as someone who knows, it's best not to start such a habit," but I was mostly just considered another adult, or near-adult, who used tobacco in the house.

This policy was really set by my mom. That's how my parents mostly worked, in that old-fashioned way. My dad was the breadwinner, my mom dealt with the day-to-day decisions on the children and the household and such. I don't doubt they had a discussion about it, once I was outed--dad wasn't 100 percent hands-off in such matters, especially important ones. But my mom was the main policy setter.

Mom's smoking philosophy went beyond tolerance, with me (I ditched the chew and went to smoking around age 20) and even other relatives--such as a cousin of mine who became an adult smoker. It became a smoker's bond. "Hey, wanna go out for  puff?" "Got a light?" "Need any cigars--I'm going to get cigarettes?" That sorta thing.

Mom died at 69--considered a little young these days. The cause of death was complications following a massive heart attack, eventually heart failure... Not 100 percent smoking-related perhaps, but smoking likely factored into the equation.

My parents followed a certain, now old-fashioned lifestyle. "You've gotta die of something," was a common mantra. "Who wants to live to 90 anyway?" was another.

So perhaps it's fitting that I inherited Mom's Bag O' Shitty Lighters.

Apparently, some nearby purveyor of smokes gave away a free lighter with every purchase. Plastic, translucent, colored, disposable jobbies that were...well, shitty. Half-full of fluid. Allegedly adjustable, although the little switch didn't work very well and "adjusting" wasn't necessary, except at first--useless unless at full-bore and, even then, the flame was usually wimpy. Occasionally these things would simply fall part--you'd flick one at some point and something like that little "spark wheel" (or whatever it's called) would simply fall off.

I'm not sure exactly how and why a pile of these lighters accumulated, but they did and had been accumulating for some time. I'd snagged a few over time when Mom would ask, "Need a lighter?"

After Mom passed, as dad was going through her things, specifically items in some kitchen drawers, he asked me, "Do you want these things?" These things being the shitty lighters. He'd found a whole multi-pack of Bic lighters, generally regarded as non-shitty, so saw no use for them.

So I inherited them, tossed 'em in a plastic grocery store bag and, hence, Mom's Bag O' Shitty Lighters.

When I first obtained the bag, I thought, "Man, that's a lot of lighters. I'll have this bag for quite some time." But... Well, they're shitty lighters. I only have a couple left.

So while Mom's Bag O' Shitty Lighters was, in reality, but a temporary keepsake, it hints at something I inherited from Mom that is permanent. Regarding life philosophy.

We all wish Mom would've lived longer. Naturally, her death was one of those Wake-Up Calls. Many would have quit smoking then and there, or shortly thereafter. Like most, I "woke-up" briefly, cut back a bit, thought, "Maybe I should ditch this habit sooner rather than later"... But mostly went back to life as usual.

Then again, anyone who knows the addiction game also knows that it's rarely all or nothing. Rarely does one resolve to quit--and quit, then and there, for ever and ever. So perhaps it's fuel thrown onto a metaphorical fire somewhere and, down the line, mixed with fuel from rising costs and/or future health woes and/or whatever, that fire will burn bright enough for me to douse it for good.

I took a different lesson altogether from it all.

If time machines and such could be utilized, Mom given a real "chance to do it all over again," with an offer of five more years in exchange for knocking off the cigs five years earlier... I wouldn't doubt Mom would take a pass. Of course, I don't KNOW, but... That was Mom. And in a lot of ways, that's still Dad.

I've ranted and raved over the years about the War on Smoking and how's it's went a little nuts, on many levels. I'm a huge fan of letting adults make their own choices, a huge hater on Big Mother politicians... Etc. I refuse to be guilted into simply accepting my role as a Filthy Smoker, enjoy playing contrarian and, well, SOMEBODY's got to do it. It'd be bat-shit to become actually Pro-Smoking.

Yes, smoking is awful, health-wise. Society is evolving overwhelmingly for the better. It's ridiculous to imagine now a bygone age where smoking was allowed everywhere and even encouraged, as Dad's Navy experience testifies.

But as with almost everything, society seems to never seek an intelligent balance, instead going from one nutball extreme to the opposite nutball extreme.

I witness all of these people today addicted to exercise, seemingly eating only organic, gluten-free bean sprouts, always ready to slash things from their Acceptable Consumption List as soon as the latest study dictates--and I know I'll gladly give up 10 years of life to NOT "live" like that.

And that's something I inherited from Mom that, unlike Mom's Bag O' Shitty Lighters, will never run out...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 9/9/2013:

Catch-22 means, by design,

'mid paradox hopeless, entwined.

But what is the meaning

of forces careening

to put one in... Catch-69?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/9/2013:

Currys, a U.K.-based electronics/appliance store, is under fire for forcing job applicants to dance.

Nonetheless, we'd certainly prefer that to filling out a freakin' application despite already brandishing resume...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 9/10/2013:

See good in all folks through the bad?

Perpetu'ly smiley and glad?

It's clear thrill you've not known--

renting spare rooms in home

to strangers through damn Craig's List ads!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/10/2013:

Held a door open for some dame the other day. Exiting the grocery store. She was hauling bags and the like.

Chief Limericist checking in, here.

I was in a hurry, but I delayed my journey in the name of chivalry or what-have-you and... She took her sweet time going through the doorway. Piddling with her items, arranging things, etc.

It occurred to me then that this is a relatively common occurrence. Hold door, dame lollygags.

So not only do we have a crisis regarding common courtesy today, but we can't even handle the requisite..."counter-courtesy"?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 9/11/2013:

Brad/Chels Manning thinks has the right to

pardon from...pres'dent who led fight to

send him/her up river?

Chance? Not even sliver!

It's like... Feeding the hand that bites you?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/11/2013:

At some point, today's date was marked as Patriot Day...but we guess that's kinda faded away.

Although, for those of us, most of us, the date alone speaks for itself.

Considering that this is Wednesday, our day for "Food" content... Eat American!

It really doesn't matter exactly what--cheeseburgers, apple pie, etc.--just that you stuff yourself with as much chow as it takes to feed a Third World village...

***

LETTERS TO THE IDIOT 9/11/2013:

> I really enjoyed this Sunday Story Time and the memories you shared of your mom.

Thanks and... My initial reaction is to reply with something snarky and/or witty, of course, but being this is all about my Mom's memory and such... Sometimes Memory Lane leads you to a snarky neighborhood and sometimes it doesn't...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 9/12/2013:

For Currys job, in U.K. nation,

dance for interviewing occasion!

Degrading, yet beats, must say,

'spite, you know, resume,

need to plod damn application!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/12/2013:

Answer this, Guilty White Liberals--

Is it okay to BE white after Labor Day?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 9/13/2013:

Hold door for chick and find she be

taking sweet time! I'm in hurry!

Know modern life, manners, new--

counter-courtesy, too?

Both, now, sooo last century?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/13/2013:

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!...

Ahhhhhh!...

Friday the Thirteenth, you know...

Ahh!...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 9/14/2013:

There once was a fellow named Nash,

scored 69 while rather trashed,

with cougar quite skanky--

chin residue, stanky

left him wearing a MILF moustache!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/14/2013:

Now, if one gets a little lovin' from a partner who hails from Down Under...you could call that a "piece of Aus"...

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday, Mate!…

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 9/15/2013:

Yo! Guilty White Lib'rals, englight-

en me on what etiquette's right--

know well fashion rule in play

but, now past Labor Day,

is it okay to BE white?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/15/2013:

Another of those sea-faring tankers went and spilled its cargo, threatening the aquatic life.

This one around Honolulu. This one carrying... Molasses?

Global...sweetening?...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 9/15/2013:

A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY

(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: That Apple Cart?

Getting used to a new, full-time job after marginal employment for...let's just say years.

New roommate/boarder, taking his sweet time unpacking and organizing.

Jumping into a new, time-consuming, team creative project.

As they say, my apple cart is upset.

Hell, it's in flames.

No edition this week...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 9/16/2013:

Hot Australian chicks! Words? At loss!

Must have one, whatever the cost!

I'm all shook up, smitten,

for Down Under kitten!

Could say I crave a "piece of Aus."!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/16/2013:

As, um...let's say love-haters of social media (and leave it at that), here at Daily Limerick, we've gotta commend Tumblr for... Well, being obvious about exactly what it is.

Unlike, say Facebook, LinkedIn, etc., which have somehow garnered the reputation that you simply HAVE to have such accounts (despite little evidence to indicate anything productive done on them), Tumblr just screams, "A way for people to waste time."

Nonetheless... Uh-uh. Ain't goin' there--on Tumblr, that is.

But nonetheless, thanks, Tumblr...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 9/17/2013:

For us "greens," big biz? Hard to beat thing!

O'er ship's spill, Hawaii, we're bleating!

Threat--fish; all our asses!

That deadly...molasses?

Great! Now there's new threat... Global Sweetening?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/17/2013:

Shorts...and a turtleneck.

A sure sign that it's September in Chicago!

Or perhaps a severely fashion-challenged individual, we suppose...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 9/18/2013:

Eat meal, watch TV--what could harm be?

(Though Mom'd have asked, "What, born in barn be?"

Tune in "Honeymooners"

and then rather soon your

enjoying "chili con (Art) Carney"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/18/2013:

Okay, this is just bugging me--

Why in the hell do some people hit "pause/stop" on the microwave and leave remaining time on the readout?

Not sure why this irks me so. One of those things. But, practically speaking, there's a clock on the microwave, which I tend to check-on from time to time and... Why?

Why, why, WHY?

I put something in the 'wave for, say, 1 minute. When it beeps, I take that something out.

So... Are you people too impatient to wait that last 20 seconds? Can you tell by watching through the glass when the exact point of done-ness is achieved?

Seriously, folks, what the hell?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 9/19/2013:

Be on guard--tonight's a Full Moon!

Beware rampant monsters and loons!

I'll change to wolf--scary;

howl, but won't turn hairy...

Roam earth craving, not blood, but poon!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/19/2013:

Today the countdown begins to International Salisbury Steak Day 2013, with the season premier of "South Park" set for one next Wednesday, Sept. 25...

And Happy Extra Cheezy Full Moon, to boot!...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 9/20/2013:

Outfit's shorts and a turtleneck!

Means Midwest fall's at call and beck!

Guess some could be gleaning

a different meaning--

like, "Dude's fashion-challenged as heck!"

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/20/2013:

Chief Limericist checked-in here to tell y'all... I like big butts--and I cannot lie!... Er, actually, I really don't... Cannot lie, as previously stated... To each his own...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 9/21/2013:

Throw beer bash? You call that a "kegger"!

For breakfast? That's called "ham and egger"!

When my wild dreams call

get down with chicks tall--

a fest I like to call a "legger"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/21/2013:

Is it wrong to be totally, ridiculously turned on, like a neon light, over WNBA basketball players?

You know, the ones who are actually chickie? Tall as hell, but built proportionally woman-like and all?

Just asking...

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 9/22/2013:

This month, I'll fill your head with corn--

music play'r "repeat" in head born!

Whether dig or dread,

I'll place in your head...

Enjoy the song--"September Morn"...

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/22/2013:

So, National Football League free agent Brandon Lloyd is making an acting debut in the movie "After Effect."

Not sure what role he's playing, but it's a zombie flick and... Well, from what we're now learning about concussions, it'd make sense for him to play a zombie, being able to empathize with the desire to obtain more brains...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 9/22/2013:

A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY

(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: Finally Forgetting an Anniversary

Last month, this year, Aug. 24 2013, to be precise, marked an important milestone for me.

You see, Aug. 24 is my wedding anniversary. And I finally, just this year, forgot it. Didn't mark the date at all. In fact, more than a week passed before I realized that it had passed without my mental nod.

Now, a newer Slapper Yapper Grasshopper might conclude that I finally "realized" the missed anniversary with "help" from my wife. And that I'm in the ol' Doghouse.

But such an SYG would be wrong. See, I'm divorced. Have been for eight years now.

Once a date like that is etched in your mind, it's hard to...de-etch it, or whatever. Things like that, I don't need a computer calendar program for the remembering. Maybe I'm more sensitive than the average guy, maybe I have a better memory than the average guy, but with such things, I purposefully do NOT record them in such programs.

I remember them. Trust me. I remember them.

Which can be a bit off-putting personally, especially considering that something like divorce requires working through, recovering from, etc.

So from 2005 through 2012, not only did I remember the occasion each Aug. 24, but I saw it coming, so to speak. "Wow. Two weeks from my wedding anniversary... Next Monday marks my wedding anniversary..." Uh-huh.

Now, this doesn't mean I became depressed or bawled my eyes out each and every August. With time, it became easier, as these things do. It didn't seriously waylay my emotions beyond the first couple of years. But it did put me in a bit of a funk, through 2012.

That is, until this year. Which means... Well, it also means I've been busy, with positive things happening, like a new job and such, but... Nonetheless, this IS a sign that I've pretty much, officially, moved on with it.

Oh, I'll probably never forget Aug. 24. Next year, there's a good chance I'll go back to the old, at least a nod and "sigh," as I do believe that major dramas like that are never 100 percent recovered from but... Yeah.

Another thing has happened regarding my attitude toward Aug. 24 as well. Now it's sorta, kinda...well, HAPPY. In a way.

I still talk to my ex-wife. Mostly holidays, birthdays and such, but we're not on bad terms.

And I've moved beyond it all enough to understand that, despite the Big D, the union brought happy memories, life experiences and all that cheerful jazz, too.

Still, I'm rather proud of myself for finally forgetting Aug. 24 this year...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 9/23/2013:

"Must social network," dogma chimes!

Though skeptic--ain't seen reason, rhyme--

my hat's off to Tumblr!

Won't join--on that, grumbler--

but 'least clearly cries, "waste of time"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/23/2013:

The year is 2013.

Time to end this "notary public" nonsense.

Seriously.

Drop what you're doing and find some schmuck licensed as some 19th Century holdover with a freakain' special stamp?

What's this all about, anyway.

Knock it off.

It's all sooo Last Century... Christ, it's sooo Two Centuries Ago...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 9/24/2013:

I like big butts--I cannot lie!

Whoops! I don't--see, why'd I try lie?

To each his own! Yours got back?

I like mine, babe got jack!

Kardashians--don't apply!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/24/2013:

Content?

We received our first Letter to the Idiot from a reader today, to our proper e-address at missives@dailylimerick.net.

So... There...

***

LETTERS TO THE IDIOT 9/24/2013:

A Slapper Yapper Grasshopper checks in regarding our attempt to put "September Morn" in all your heads--

> The other great thing about late August is before you know it it's

> September morn. Let me ask you, John, did you dance until the night

> became a brand new day? I don't know about you, but September

> morning always makes me feel this way.

Well, firstly, we do realize that we're playing a game here. Much like, you know, lovers, playing roles from some romantic play... Ahem.

Okay. Enough.

We can't go on, er, e-mailing each other this way...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 9/25/2013:

Folks who leave on "pause" microwave?

Can't wait ten more secs. for your faves?

Clock feature you're wreckin'--

it BEEPS when "done" beckons!

What the hell? You born in a cave?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/25/2013:

With the debut of "South Park's" 2013 Fall Season... Happy Extra Cheezy International Salisbury Steak Day!

Remember, too, that the official side dish of ISSD is buttered noodles...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 9/26/2013:

I'm real into tall chicks, must say!

So fan of third-tier game dames play!

Don't watch it as sport,

but for tank tops, shorts...

Fetish for Dubyu-N-B-A!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/26/2013:

A study out of UCLA finds that porn addiction...isn't a true "addiction."

You know, if we were to assemble a book with all instances of "Daily Limerick Told Ya' So," we'd be a veritable encyclopedia set about now...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 9/27/2013:

Now I'm, for one, willing to vote that we

toss red-tape dinosaur to boat hist'ry--

just what's with this ritual

18th Cent. cock-and-bull

waste of time deal called a "notary"?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/27/2013:

Now and then we, as a society, should see fit to alter some of the old-fashioned, yet still relevant, metaphorical sayings to reflect our modern age and avoid confusion.

Since little boys aren't so much on the lookout for wolves these days, how about... "The Politicians Who Cried, 'Shutdown'"?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 9/28/2013:

A poor burlesque dancer was hassled

by drunken clod by name of Castle.

The horned-up ol' rube

groped then went for boob

and choked to death on a silk tassel.

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/28/2013:

Amid Oktoberfest, we're guessin' a lot of hot German chicks are now enjoying a good, stiff leder-hosin'!...

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 9/29/2013:

The NFL's Brandon Lloyd's gained

new gig as an actor! Untrained

but no stretch, this trick--

it's a zombie flick!

He can ID needing new brains!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/29/2013:

So, Mexico's government is under fire for their crappy handling of two huge, flood-inducing storms.

Just who in the hell do they think they are--the George W. Bush administration?...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 9/29/2013:

A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY

(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: Avoiding J.D.-ing

Oftentimes as we wind our way through life, we find ourselves viewing various people and situations from a different perspective than did our younger selves. Sometimes, that new perspective is the opposite of an earlier one.

One ridiculously common example is, after spending a childhood viewing one's parents as stuff, fun-bashing villains...becoming a parent one's self and taking on the opposite role.

Concerning roommate situations... Well, firstly, Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers are not strangers to my prattling about the never-ending hijinx associated with renting the spare rooms in my condo. This puts me in a spot much like a parental role.

But I've engaged a wide variety of roommate things over the years. And, yes, I was once the child within that scenario as well.

Back during my first, late teenaged attempt at college (speaking of topics known well to SYGs), a couple of pals and I went in on a campus apartment down on the University of Illinois Champaign-Urbana campus.

According to my recollection, although the whole era admittedly floats in a mental fog, all three of our names were on the lease. However, the "skipper" of the entire operation was the friend we'll just refer to as "J.D." His father had co-signed or some such on the apartment to ensure our landing the lease.

J.D. was responsible for reminding everyone about rents due, divvying the utility payments among us--that kinda stuff. After my parents nixed my college gravy train, and I miserably attempted to procure income and stay out the lease, and the other friend plain flunked-out and hightailed it back home, J.D. was in a bit of a bind. (Details on the sordid tale elsewhere--hell, all over the archives.)

It wasn't until I returned to live with the parents and found full-time work that I finally paid off J.D. for back rent. The third friend stiffed J.D. completely. It was, to understate, an uncomfortable situation, living with someone to whom I owed much money.

While even then I understood J.D.'s upset over the situation--and certainly felt a decent dose of guilt over it--J.D. was... Well, he was a dick about it all, frankly.

Consume, say, a six-pack he had in the fridge and a plea for financial accountability was understood and perfectly reasonable. But we started receiving hand-written bills from J.D. calculating our debts for...pats of butter; paper towels; salt... Yeah.

Now well used to the grind of playing parent in the roommate equation, I of course relate much better now to J.D.'s handling of it all way back when. Nonetheless, I still think he went a bit too far with things and thus use J.D. as a gauge whenever a situations arises and I find myself bent out of shape over something like...say, colas disappearing from the fridge.

I ask myself, "Am I reasonable with my agitation--or J.D.ing?"

But I still think the guy was a dick...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 9/30/2013:

Oktoberfest! German babes posin'

and primpin'--painting nails on toes 'n'

keeping an eye out

for charming male krauts

to service them with Leder-hosin'!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 9/30/2013:

An app a day keeps...the free time away...

 

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