Daily Limerick
May contain immature content; if you're a minor, go away!
(c)1999-2014 John "Sloop" Biederman
E-mail us here--
missives@dailylimerick.net
Archives: June 2014
SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 6/1/2014:
Heard thousand-plus standups go riffin'
o'er my career! Insight's upliftin'!
Wisdom of the Ages,
agreed 'mong laugh sages?
Get this--men and women are...different!?!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/1/2014:
So a big whoo-dee-doo is being made over the fact that the WNBA--Women's National Basketball Association--is the first professional sports league to officially honor the gay, lesbian, etc. community.

But...um... Seriously.

We've said enough...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 6/1/2014:
A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY
(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: Cat Wars, Part I
Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers might peg me as a "cat person."

Veteran Slapper Grasshoppers, at least those paying close attention, know this isn't the case. Although I've lived with cats for most of my adult life--and they've found their way into content on many occasions--I'm a dog/cat/general pet person, but cats are easier in an urban setting, lower maintenance for one who spends regular time away from home and when I first moved out on my own (outside of a college dorm), the joint had mice.

As with people, you can't stereotype cats...at the same time you'd be a fool not to do so, to some extent. While dogs, as pack hunters, generally befriend other dogs readily, cats don't, necessarily. Now, this isn't as big an issue with cats, in that you don't walk cats in cat parks and such. And mine have mostly been kept in city settings, so they haven't left the house much.

But I've kept cats for 20 years, early on settling on the "two cats, to keep each other company when I'm away" model, so there have been occasions of one's death bringing in a new cat, plus the occasion of introducing my first cat to the second when I started the "two cats" occasion.

I'll admit that, overall, it has gone smoothly. I've been lucky. Until about nine months ago.

I've rented the spare rooms out in my Chicago condo, since gaining it (or being stuck with it) through divorce a decade ago. The nature of cats, condo association rules and cramped urban dwelling space dictated a strict, "No more pets" policy among these renters. My ex-fiance's moving in suspended the rule for her two dogs, which was dramatic for all parties involved.

That was nothing compared to how things shook out when the Great Recession, Great Housing Crash and general personal financial turmoil led me to take in a friend as renter--and his three cats--last September.

Those five cats did eventually integrate and socialize together acceptably. After about six months. For the most part. Or for some part. Perhaps. It's often hard to gauge such things with cats. Sometimes, a cat barely leaving a room is just a kitty phase, for instance.

After months of nudging one of my cats out toward the kitchen/feeding room, in some instances carrying her, sometimes bringing a food dish into my room for her, Millie would travel the condo as she pleased at around six months. The major problem in this mix was the new male, aggressive and playful in a rough way. Well, I don't think his aggressions were always mere play toward my cats. My male, Chester, was resolved to make his way around the place, especially to the feeding area, all along. But it wasn't until around the six-month mark that he'd do it without speeding and/or sneaking his route.

This situation stressed me out a good deal. I take pet ownership and its responsibilities seriously. When I cause them a stress, such as when leaving them alone for a couple of days when I leave town, I empathetically feel that stress myself. I'd have felt extremely guilty bringing in one more cat, what with cats' territorial nature and dislike of change and such, so bringing in THREE MORE had me feeling awful.

I was negatively affected beyond secondhand empathy, too. See, that kitchen/feeding area was also adjacent to a small room housing the litter box and...my bed was peed on repeatedly.

Cat pee is a tough thing to remove--and if the cleaning's not thorough enough to completely nix the scent, for cat noses to boot, it becomes like a litter box, in the sense that it seems "pee friendly." Thus strong cleaning agents like vinegar and bleach were in order. So while I eventually won the battle, a brand new comforter became a casualty.

Being on the case of serial cat piss violators has a way of continually jangling one's nerves. Even lacking new urinary discoveries, you're constantly on guard. When you're away, you wonder and hope that new violations aren't occurring. When you're home with the cats, you regularly monitor your pets' movements, constantly check the bed. Your bedroom smells like a bleached pickle, bleach ruins clothing inadvertently along the way... You can imagine.

Having more than one cat myself, even knowing that the roommate's new additions rarely entered my bedroom, I first had to discern which cat was peeing. In this case, I quickly isolated Millie as the perpetrator. I'm sure of that. Mostly.

The pee scourge was exacerbated by my suddenly being absent from the condo for almost half of my time, a situation arising as my father experienced health issues. Lonely since my mother's death, having increasing trouble getting around, I was spending what time I could with him as my work schedule allowed. Leading, of course, to more insecurity on my cats' part.

My father entered a rehab center in late 2013 and the ante was upped on my new war. This required even more time away from the condo on my part, not only to care for his house but to care for HIS cat, Flo. My sister and I had encouraged a new pet for Dad after Mom died. And, whoa, did dad spoil her. Rarely leaving the house, my dad pet Flo near constantly.

One night early in my house/cat sitting duties, Flo climbed into bed with me. She was so cloying, I had trouble getting comfortable, so I nudged her aside.

So she peed on the bed, then and there. Hello old friends bleach and vinegar!

Luckily, Flo quickly adjusted to less than constant attention, I became more careful about nudging her aside in bed and Flo's bed-peeing remained an isolated incident.

Likewise, the condo-based bed-peeing halted.

Then, a whole new front opened in my War on Cat Pee...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/2/2014:
Can't count the chicks whom I've heard quip, her
"Heels [et. al.] designed by men!" Flips! Er,
so inventions, all boost males?
So what's the "boy's bike" tale?
How 'bout pants schlong trap..."the zipper"?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/2/2014:
Count this as another phenomenon that was once just an outrageous joke, but has now become reality in our increasingly ridiculous world.

We were only joking when we imagined other art forms taking the Hollywood phone-in of remaking anything and everything thanks to new-idea-o-phobia.

Now Gillian Flynn is writing up a "modern take" on freakin' "Hamlet," allegedly in honor of the 400th anniversary of Shakespeare's death.

Oh, we can think of a better word than "honor" to describe this...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/3/2014:
While most find the mobile phone swell...
Leave work? Never! Bye, quit-time bell!
Know from science, comes the name,
but free time's death explains
just why they call it your "cell"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/3/2014:
Why is PayPal still around?

Seriously. It arose during the Wild West of the Internet days...well, when it was even more Wild Westy than it currently is, anyway. When people were afraid of using credit cards online and before every single bank card's "credit" feature just paid directly from one's bank account.

PayPal charges you fees. In case you didn't know.

Maybe we're missing something. Time to go Ask Jeeves...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/4/2014:
Make fun 'cause I dig Fruity Pebbles?
"Kids' cer'yal" you say? Snooty! Rebels
do taste buds alone consult!
Need "okay," it's adult?
Waiting for...what? "Booty Pebbles"?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/4/2014:
I'm a big pizza fan.

In fact, a behemoth pizza fan. But I'm a traditionalist.

Okay, a traditionalist in Americanized pizza. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Authentic, original pizza was more like pizza bread, but that's not the pizza that's swept the world up by its tastebuds.

Meaning, keep your chicken and pesto and ham and pineapple and any of that jazz the hell away from my pizza. Otherwise, I'll drool over thin crust, deep dish, pan pizza, sausauge, pepperoni... Then again, I do live in Chicago and realize that much of the rest of the world enjoys a poor excuse for alleged "pizza."

Rececntly I witnessed a commercial for Papa John's pizza. Now, I haven't tried Papa John's and have no reason to believe the company's real pizza is anything less than delicious. But this commercial?

"Authentic Greek Pizza."

"Authentic" Greek pizza?

Is that every bit as "authentic" as, say, a Chinese pierogi?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/5/2014:
Annoyed with Beyonce! Here's thing with it--
first thought was, "Whoah-oh-ohs," as sing her twits!...
"Why Women Don't Give Blowjobs"--
her tweet! Hints why us slobs
take pause 'fore "putting a ring on it"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/5/2014:
We're seeing a ton of "Duck Dynasty" T-shirts and the like around.

Figure it's gotta be camaraderie in homophobia, as I haven't noticed any Biblical quotes or anything from that "religious" billygoat on any Ts.

Consider... Knuckleheads in a boring profession that folks somehow care to watch in the name of "reality" TV, despite the "action" being as dull as watching grass grow. No make that as dull as watching Astroturf NOT grow. No real talent. Plenty of ignorance.

The only difference between "Duck Dynasty" and the Kardashians? One bunch is conservative, as they misunderstand the issues; the other bunch is liberal, as they misunderstand the issues...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/6/2014:‚Äč
Can Webcast e'en if your name's "mud"--fast!
Tech change comes with whirl and a "thud," "crash"!
Hard keeping up, needed slang!
So when dick joins stream game...
I say we dub that a, "pud-cast"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/6/2014:
So some people apparently view Facebook as...a news source?

That's on par with calling your lottery ticket purchases your "investment strategy"...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/7/2014:
Hot day, Meg cooled off with her Slip-'N'-Slide!
The neighbor boy joined her in dip-skin ride!
Soon, legs, crotch and thong
got twisted all wrong--
and Meg ended up with young Chip inside!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/7/2014:
Immigrants often have a hard time breaking through the Grass Ceiling.

You know. Landscaping jobs and... Yeah...

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 6/8/2014:
So WNBA plugs
first pro league to give gay rights hug?
Though with cause agree...
Why WOULDN'T they be--
with most fans and play'rs munching rug?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/8/2014:
So Chicago Fuhrer...er, Chicago Mayor... Actually, potato, po-tah-to.

Anyway, Rahm Emmanuel is under fire for attending a political fundraiser on the day of his wedding anniversary.

He explained that he had plans with his wife after the feeding trough.

Now, to say we're not exactly fans of Rahm is...an understatement. We'll leave it at that.

But we take issue with this criticism.

Rahm Emmanuel IS a fundraiser. A walking, breathing, human fundraiser. That's all his existence is about.

Okay, we apologize for saying this. It's certainly inaccurate.

Rahm isn't human.

We apologize again to any actual people we may have just offended...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 6/8/2014:
A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY
(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: Cat Wars, Part II
When we last left our hero... Aw, see last week's Part I in the Archives, if you need refreshing.

My father passed away in March. The way the remaining estate shook out between my sister and I, I inherited the family home. A lot of work is in order to sell that place--if that's indeed what I want to do. See, the first overall, obvious plan would be to move my stuff out of the city-small Chicago condo, into the sprawling country home (once the roommate finds a new place), fix/clean up the condo, then sell the condo and look for cheaper Chicago digs. This would solve the typical moving problem of coordinating the sale of your old joint with the purchase and move-in for a new joint--while maintaining a roof over your head in any lag time.

Now, the death of one's last living parent has a way of sending one off to "find his- or herself" and I began considering the idea of simply moving into the family home. With my entrenched urban lifestyle of decades and vastly more career opportunities in the city, this would be quite a change. So I told myself, and continue doing so, that there's no need to make any Final Decision on that immediately. By the time I have the condo in order, then sold, then the family homestead in shape for sale... Well, that'll be many moons from now, what with living between the two locales, my roommates' lollygagging, needing to work and all the damn work that needs doing.

So I'll see how things work out like this, see where my life is at by that time and THEN make the Decision. My father would be happy just knowing I'd give keeping the home consideration. In any event, keeping two homes for a while is a given.

I inhereited something else that needed to be worked into the equation. Soon after my mother passed away, fifteen months before Dad, their cat at the time, Otis--practically, "Mom's cat"--passed away, which was when my sister and I had encouraged Dad to take on a pet for companionship. That pet was Flo. But my dad was worried about a new pet beforehand. "What if she outlives me?" Thus I promised to take care of Flo in the event of his death.

I already had FIVE FREAKIN' CATS in the condo, for which "too many cats" was an understatement. Considering I'd just finally nixed the pee-on-bed problem there, and that Flo was an attention-starved "only cat" used to more than four times the space... Uh-uh. No way in hell was I adding Flo to that mix.

So I moved Chester and Millie in with Flo. Family and friends could care for them when I'd be away in the city for work stretches. (Why not use the condo as a crash pad while I had it, having jiggered my work schedule to accommodate "blocks" of work?) Sure, the move would upset their feline apple cart, but a six-cat household would set that apple cart ablaze.

Chester died after the move. In short, it was his time (and the subject of a previous Sunday Story Time). This left me back at my ideal number of cats, providing each companionship when I was away.

Except that Flo didn't want to share the home and attention with another cat. Millie being the mellow personality she is, Flo began terrorizing Millie, chasing her into a retreat to the master bedroom which I soon took as my own. Millie'd spend all her time in the bedroom closet or under the bed.

Since Millie was sheepish about coming to the kitchen for food, I'd either carry her out there or bring the dish to her. (The latter not so much, as I'd found in my previous travails that it reinforced the "stay put" attitude leading to bedroom peeing.) It's a matter of time. Cats won't starve themselves, so she'd eventually HAVE to hit the kitchen when I was away. This was a form of extra turmoil, but doable.

Then one late night I returned from the week's final night gig in the city for a country stint to find...poop on the floor and pee on the bed.

My old friends bleach and vinegar came around again. I bought a waterproof mattress guard. Now having two litter boxes in a small "utility room" to accommodate three cats (including the late Chester), I moved the second litter box into the master bath, adjacent to the master bedroom. Which helped...but didn't completely stop the madness.

Flo was literally frightening Millie from even venturing to THAT litter box. Upon any hissing or other signs of hostility from Flo, I began locking Flo in a small room as punishment. A social cat, Flo hates that. So Flo... Well, she's gotten better about it, but is still harrassing Millie somewhat as of this writing. And that's when I'm around with my disceplinarian presence.

Adding further stock to this stew of frustration, FLO peed on the bed. As best as I can tell. I was now stuck with two cats having a record of bed-peeing. Millie peed inappropriately out of fear, Flo out of spoiled spite--perhaps to mark the bed as her territory, as Millie enjoyed relaxing on the bed. Or maybe Flo peed to punish ME for being away.

I'm honestly not 100 percent sure Flo's pee was part of this equation. That's just my best estimate of this confusing conflict. I even found a pee stain on the mattress guard once. I HOPE this pee sorta "backed up" on the offender and put an end to that but... For about a month, I'd remove the blanket and use the guard when not sleeping. I'm at the point now where I'm just using the guard when I'm away from the homestead. Things do progress. We'll see.

Although I resisted for some time, I finally indulged the far-from-ideal option of moving that second litter box right next to my bed. Extremely easy access for a hiding-beneath-the-bed Millie. A few back and forth trips have found pee and poo only in litter boxes.

It will likely be a while still before Flo and Millie are getting along. Longer still, if at all, before they become friends--although I do believe that will eventually be the case.

But the cat pee-poo conundrum is fixed.

Yes, the nature of cats also dicates that new fronts in the errant litterbox problem can arise at any time.

Deciding upon these felines as companions means you can be drafted at any time into the Cat Wars...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/9/2014:
Four cent'ries since Will hit Pearl Gates,
so Gill'yan Flynn, "Hamlet"..."updates"?
So lit'rature now, zone's in--
H-Wood's remake phone-in,
damning Muse to masturbate?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/9/2014:
We're starting to wonder if they cover this in tests for obtaining a driver's license, so just in case... Call this a Daily Limerick Public Service Announcement.

Since the words "stop" and "red" don't, of course, start with the same letter, we haven't figured a convenient memory stoker on that one. But you can come up with your own or just view it as "the other option." Otherwise, here's a convenient way to follow this rule, drivers--

"Green Means Go; They Both Start With 'G'"...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/10/2014:
Now, PayPal... 's'There something I've missed?
Once, Web bank card use I'd resist--
back, Internet's Wild West days!
PayPal use, fees must pay...
So why's PayPal still exist?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/10/2014:
Regarding this public service campaigns urging folks to not text and drive... Isn't anybody else frightened out of their skulls that we need TELL people this? That when operating a metal vehicle, with weight best measured in tons, at speeds of 50-plus miles per hour, driving among dozens others operating similar vehicles, one should not engage in acts distracting them from the dangerous task at hand?

Yeah, these campaigns are nothing new and they started regarding boozing and driving, but at least in that case... Well, alcohol usage brings confidence inversely proportional to ability, so that seems to make more sense.

They say that teams are only as strong as their weakest links, so regarding Humanity overall... How is this race even still around?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/11/2014:
So Papa John's latest ad greets ya'
with news of "Authentic Greek...pizza?"
If you believe that,
John, kittens and cats...
Old world Tuscan gyros--I'll treat ya!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/11/2014:
I recently completed a two-part Sunday Story Time on this here site about the "Cat Wars" going on between my long-time cat and my recently inherited late father's cat.

Wednesdays, of course, feature "Food"-themed entries here at Daily Limerick.

So it seems appropriate to mention that these cats are slowly getting along better all the time--and the most significant peace-making encounters are occurring where?

Around the cats' food dishes, both being in a "cat dining nook."

There's a lesson here somewhere for Humankind...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/12/2014:
"Duck Dynasty," Kardashians.
Same watch-paint-dry shows, diff'rent slants!
All talentless swollen-heads!
Diff? One's Blue State, one Red--
on world they misunderstand!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/12/2014:
Today marks one month until Daily Limerick hits FIFTEEN YEARS of, um, "service."

That's enough content for today, all things considered...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/13/2014:
Now Facebook, seems world finds near-holy! Though...
A "news source"? Misspelled link-posts doled to Flow?
"News" 'mid selfie thicket?
Like lottery tickets
described as "investment portfolio"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/13/2014:
COUNTDOWN TO JULY 12, 2014... Twenty-Nine Days until Daily Limerick hits FIFTEEN YEARS of, um, "service"...

The only Friday the 13th of 2014 comes in June.

There's gotta be some joke about that and June brides, but we're trying not to be so cynical...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/14/2014:
A couple hit town, 'Twenties dapper!
He, gansgster, and she, dressed as flapper!
Charlestoned 'gainst rear end--hers--
blew-out his suspenders
and Jitterbugged into her snapper!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/14/2014:
COUNTDOWN TO JULY 12, 2014... Twenty-Eight Days until Daily Limerick hits FIFTEEN YEARS of, um, "service"...

Prohibition brought secret bars, speakeasies, so where are the "smoke-easies"?...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 6/15/2014:
As Civil Rights bring nation healing,
Latino jobs still need some dealing!
So many blue collar,
hand labor for Dollar--
could say they're against the Grass Ceiling!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/15/2014:
COUNTDOWN TO JULY 12, 2014... Twenty-Seven Days until Daily Limerick hits FIFTEEN YEARS of, um, "service"...

Stop describing big city festivals as "LGBT-friendly."

EVERYTHING in big cities is now LGBT-friendly.

The descriptor is still useful for suburban and rural Red State areas, unfortunately, but otherwise... You wouldn't feel the need to call a festival, "Spend your money-friendly," would you?...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 6/15/2014:
A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY
(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: For the First Official Edition of Summer 2014...
...Ahem.

A little busy, so we're summer vacationing this time around...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/16/2014:
Though'd think folks would be in the know,
since rarely does traffic free flow...
Rule, simple yet key--
both words start with, "G"--
remember, folks, that "green" means "go"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/16/2014:
COUNTDOWN TO JULY 12, 2014... Twenty-Six Days until Daily Limerick hits FIFTEEN YEARS of, um, "service"...

Last week, the cable channel Spike, allegedly the station for men, although part of being a guy is having no need for special "guy" things... Let's not digress.

Guys Choice Awards.

Couldn't tell you much about them, since being a guy, for me, and many, anyway, entails ignoring any and all awards shows...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/17/2014:
First thought, text AND drive? Well... No way!
But common sense? Seen better days!
Once thought we'd tame space!
Lost hope, Human Race--
when 'gainst THAT we need PSA?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/17/2014:
COUNTDOWN TO JULY 12, 2014... Twenty-Five Days until Daily Limerick hits FIFTEEN YEARS of, um, "service"...

They say, "The Camera adds ten pounds."

Apparently, the selfie subtracts ten IQ points...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/18/2014:
Cat Wars--find pee, poo everywhere!
Learned trick as I near couldn't bear...
A friendlier mood
'round dishes of food!
(There's lesson for man somewhere there!)

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/18/2014:
COUNTDOWN TO JULY 12, 2014... Twenty-Four Days until Daily Limerick hits FIFTEEN YEARS of, um, "service"...

Wanna blow your mind--and taste buds--at the same time?

Take a Cheeto. Put it atop a Cheez-It. Munch.

Repeat. If you dare.

Sorta puts the "dare" into "dairy"...misspelled for our Social Media Age...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/19/2014:
In critical crosshairs Rahm looms--
ann'versary, lowered fundraise boom!
In Fuhrer's defense
fundraiser's born whence
ever the guy enters a room!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/19/2014:
COUNTDOWN TO JULY 12, 2014... Twenty-Three Days until Daily Limerick hits FIFTEEN YEARS of, um, "service"...

Ahh, summer as an American!

Baseball, hotdogs, apple pie...and ignoring the World Cup!...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/20/2014:
Pro'bition's are well known to stoke sleazy
black market joints where dames and blokes please the
urges laws can't stop--
e'en 'mong pols and cops!
So, folks, where the hell are the smoke-easies?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/20/2014:
COUNTDOWN TO JULY 12, 2014... Twenty-Two Days until Daily Limerick hits FIFTEEN YEARS of, um, "service"...

With computerized cars and our must-be-entertained-or-working-every-second society, is there really any such thing as un-distracted driving anymore?

We ask because we've noticed a deluge of errant turn signals flashing lately...and it appears old folks have beaten the stereotype...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/21/2014:
Sunbathing fanatic named Hodges,
sought no tan lines--even where crotch is!
Nude, boyfriend did mount her,
pulled-out on right count's spur...
No tan LINES--but odd tummy blotches!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/21/2014:
COUNTDOWN TO JULY 12, 2014... Twenty-One Days until Daily Limerick hits FIFTEEN YEARS of, um, "service"...

Happy Extra Cheezy First Day of Summer 2014!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 6/22/2014:
So Spike TV claims it's Man's Voice?
But, dudes, an AWARDS SHOW? "Guys Choice"?
The question of "Why?" this begs!
Shun all 'wards shows like plague--
Guy Thing in which I rejoice!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/22/2014:
COUNTDOWN TO JULY 12, 2014... Twenty Days until Daily Limerick hits FIFTEEN YEARS of, um, "service"...

Now our pets have their own TV drug commercials--complete with rambling lists of side effects!

As we continue to seek a better word than "progress" to define Humanity's modern, um, "advances"...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 6/22/2014:
A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY
(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: I Just Saw "Ghostbusters"!...
...And found it a delightful movie!

No, I didn't just return from fighting the Trojan War. I realize the flick came out in the '80s.

See, when the movie came out, I was in high school. One night I had some plans that wouldn't meet parental approval, to hit a beer party or some such. So I told my mom that I was going to a movie.

"Oh, what movie are you going to see?" she asked.

"Er," I replied, thinking of current cinema offerings, "'Ghostbusters.'"

"You must really like the movie. Haven't you seen that already?"

Turns out, I'd already seen "Ghostbusters," at least in the world off teenage alibis.

Recently, seeking interested TV to supplement some evening R&R, I noted that "Ghostbusters" was on AMC. So I finally watched it.

My review appears above.

Next up... Well, guess I have to spend about one hundred hours studying by Bill's or at the library...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/23/2014:
American! Since a mere pup,
been patriot! What, to, I'm up?
Hail, Fourth of July!
Hot dogs, apple pie...
and proudly ignoring World Cup!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/23/2014:
COUNTDOWN TO JULY 12, 2014... Nineteen Days until Daily Limerick hits FIFTEEN YEARS of, um, "service"...

Why, do you ask, need we reform the gravy train that is Corporate Healthcare?

Saw an ad on the train the other day for a university offering a Master of Science in "Health Communication."

Getting back to... Why?

Because a degree in "Health Communication" exists...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/24/2014:
The cam'ra, they say, adds to you
ten pounds! Yet the "selfie," still new,
brings its own illusion--
just not weight confusion...
Subtracting ten points of IQ!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/24/2014:
COUNTDOWN TO JULY 12, 2014... Eighteen Days until Daily Limerick hits FIFTEEN YEARS of, um, "service"...

Unless you're a complete and utter hermit, you'll find our new, badly needed term for use in our modern age handy--

"Phone-sturbation"...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/25/2014:
Here's trick for something like "brain freeze"!
Put Cheeto 'top Cheez-It... Bee's Knees!
And then... Well, you munch!
'Em both, at once! Crunch!
Beyond blows your mind--it's "brain cheezed"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/25/2014:
COUNTDOWN TO JULY 12, 2014... Seventeen Days until Daily Limerick hits FIFTEEN YEARS of, um, "service"...

We interrupt this lack of content for our regular "Food"-themed Wednesday for this breaking news--

We're now exactly HALF-WAY TO CHRISTMAS!...

(Sorry; too festive to continue business as usual)...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/26/2014:
On road, oft see younger butt-wipes
with errant turn signals! My gripe?
Just who are we jiving--
all's distracted driving!
Old folks beat one more ster'yotype...

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/26/2014:
COUNTDOWN TO JULY 12, 2014... Sixteen Days until Daily Limerick hits FIFTEEN YEARS of, um, "service"...

In this age of Yelp!, Twit-ter and social media in general, there's simply not enough grease for all the squeaky wheels...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/27/2014:
'Cross land now, Gay Rights what the trend be!
('Cept some spots where Mankind's rear end be!)
Here's progress unplaying--
no need to keep saying
any festival is "gay friendly"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/27/2014:
COUNTDOWN TO JULY 12, 2014... Fifteen Days until Daily Limerick hits FIFTEEN YEARS of, um, "service"...

One of Daily Limerick's Twit-Ter followers lists herself as a "biosexual."

Which may be clever.

That's the problem with social media.

How can you discern what's clever and what's a frantically, phone-punched typo and/or ignorance?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/28/2014:
A Ruskie was taking all bets--
American girl, he would get!
Dough lost and not earned--
by all he was spurned!
So played round of Russian Tourette's!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/28/2014:
COUNTDOWN TO JULY 12, 2014... Fourteen Days until Daily Limerick hits FIFTEEN YEARS of, um, "service"...

Chief Limericist checking in, here.

Lately found myself doing a certain, um, er...exercise while driving.

You know. When you're on the highway, placing trust in your fellow humans to proceed efficiently, yet cautiously, aware and non-distracted?

I don't think I'm alone in this "exercise."

I call it the, "sideways bobblehead"...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 6/29/2014:
This year has one Friday Thirteen--
came this month, amid June Bride Scene!
There's joke in there, dames
guys Take crack--fair game!
(Of bitterness, self tryin' to wean!)

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/29/2014:
COUNTDOWN TO JULY 12, 2014... Thirteen Days until Daily Limerick hits FIFTEEN YEARS of, um, "service"...

Chief Limericist checking in, and a little pissed-off, here.

So there's evidently much hubbub and accompanying hashtag-ery over some loser and yet another cliche shoot-'em-up incident, this time, I believe, in California, where everyone's analyzing the dork's writings, seeking a motive other than "nuts"... Don't know the details.

I don't pay close attention to these stories. If everyone took my example, we wouldn't have them, as this undue attention is WHY these drooling morons DO these things.

Evidently, in this case, the guy went on a manifesto tirade against women, spawning social media campaigns urging men to do something about this and women to be aware and... Ahem.

So we're once again faced with a new form of the rule, "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem."

Meaning, the Swiss were every bit as evil as Hitler. Right?

Ever notice that the kooks spouting this dogma tend to be the same ones who froth at the mouth, wide-eyed, against the concept of Original Sin?

Despite the fact that they're... Well, think about it.

Yeah, I know. Stopping to think is foreign to the whole hashtagging thing, but try, anyway...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 6/29/2014:
A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY
(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: In the Summertime...
Folks tend to vacation a lot. And we happen to be folks ourselves. Maybe next week?

La da dee da da, la da dee dum doo...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/30/2014:
So humans, through drug ads, now seek bridge
'tween us and our pets? Progress? Sneak bids
to hooks us all, Big Pills!
Pets "gain" side effect ills--
and share delights like "anal leakage"?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/30/2014:
COUNTDOWN TO JULY 12, 2014... Twelve Days until Daily Limerick hits FIFTEEN YEARS of, um, "service"...

We're Free Speech purists here at Daily Limerick. But we try to admit when we catch ourselves courting dogma.

F'rinstance... Re-dubbed movies. You know, when for network or basic cable viewing, swear words are replaced.

Comedy 101, folks--swearing isn't inherently funny.

Acting 101, folks--good actors give their best performances on the job, even when that includes re-dub takes.

We starting thinking about this upon watching such a movie recently where "pinhead" worked hilariously, far better than whatever four-letter word was in the original script.

So stuff that in your bong and smoke it...