Daily Limerick
May contain immature content; if you're a minor, go away!
(c)1999-2015 John "Sloop" Biederman
E-mail us here--
missives@dailylimerick.net
Archives: June 2015
DAILY LIMERICK 6/1/2015:
Nixed, "'Merican Idol"--headline?
Thought it'd been long gone, for some time!
Great!... But why'd it take so long?
Hope or doom? News two-pronged
for up/down faith in Mankind!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/1/2015:
Apparently, that "Who's Who" book is a guide to all the people in the world stupid enough to fall for spam scams…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/2/2015:
Nukes, bio,Web? We seek to pre-
pare 'gainst terror plots that may be!
But judging from sounds I hear,
slightest warmth, this time year,
they need just hit our…AC!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/2/2015:
Since Saturday Night Live is a convenient critical punching bag, and one we've smacked on numerous occasions, we'll just let this little slice-of-life speak for itself--

Had SNL on in the background recently, readying for bed, slightly amazed and surprised, while at the same time not so, over the fact that the show had yet to spur a laugh. Hit the bathroom and overheard one of those TV commercial send-ups that finally brought a chuckle.

Upon exiting the can, eager to actually view this funny bit… Well, it was an actual, non-SNL commercial...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/3/2015:
For Birthday, craved Indian food!
But corner joint temp closed--how rude!
Route back to store (buy left 'hind)…
Indian joint did find?
Don't question--roll with Fate's mood!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/3/2015:
The Berry Family needs to disown the cranberry.

Recently, pondering in the pastry aisle which variety of sliced loaf cake I'd take home, I almost grabbed a mixed berry variety, before reading the label to find, amid the tasty berry ingredients like raspberry and strawberry…damn cranberry.

Folks, the pilgrims ate those at the first Thanksgiving only because they couldn't procure any decent berries.

Berries are, in fact, my favorite fruits. I have to peg the raspberry and its close relatives (blackberry, etc.) as my absolute favorite. But I'm sick of all you bastards tossing cranberries in with my trail mixes and snacks and what-have-you.

Yeah, I suppose the cranberry technically meets the definition of berry. But we need to look at that as a mere technicality, belonging amid kin such as, say, the dingleberry...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/4/2015:
So FIFA is caught 'mid a dim fix!
Nailed red-handed working flam-flim tricks!
Hmm… This rings a bell.
Just who in the hell
do they think they are--the Olympics?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/4/2015:
Pakistani politician Fazur-ur-Rehman is reportedly blaming women now wearing jeans for earthquakes, economic woes, etc.

Who the hell does he think he is--an American Christian Fundamentalist?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/5/2015:
Read of antidote for those mugs
enslaved by the Heroin Bug!
We're United States
of big Pharma, mates!
Why, we even fight drugs with drugs!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/5/2015:
Traffic is NOT a legitimate excuse for tardiness, folks.

Okay, an accident or other such disaster may be, but traffic is a normal part of everyday life. Yes, it can vary day to day, like other normal facets of life, such as weather. That's why responsible folks work these X Factors into their routines, leaving earlier than necessary just in case.

On a related note, most media outlets even offer tools for that purpose called weather forecasts and traffic reports…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/6/2015:
A fellow, well known as a klutz,
tried manscaping--pubis to butt!
Resolved, to please girlfriend Jean,
that he'd shave whole zone clean!
Sure did--no ifs, ands or…nuts!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/6/2015:
We need to come up with a Daily Limerick App.

Okay, we should come up with one.

We could call it the Slap and Yap App, with which one can engage in Slappin' and Yappin' and Appin'!

Not sure what this app would do, although judging from the overall world of apps, worthiness isn't especially important.

So, sure, we should have a Slap and Yapp App, but the project's on the back burner. Or perhaps still in the cabinet…

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 6/7/2015:
"Smart mirror," read of. Real? Embellishment?
Concern, main's, not what for the hell it's meant--
but 'nuff artificial!
Let's regain initial
reliance on NAT'RAL intelligence!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/7/2015:
We used to look forward to checking s-mail. Now? Honestly, it mostly pisses us off.

Oh, yeah. "S-mail" seems a better term than "e-mail," with "s" standing for "spam." The medium doesn't appear to exist for any other reason than accumulating spam, at this point.

Not to be confused with "snail mail," which, of course, starts with an "s." But if you're gonna refer to that, using the full "snail" rhymes and is the same one syllable. Optionally, "j-mail," as in "junk mail," we suppose...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 6/7/2015:
A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY
(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: Tangled Up
My parents, especially my mother, were fond of using the term, "tangled up."

This was a shortened form of "tangled up in his/her/their underwear," a favored descriptor of their friend/neighbor in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, where my parents kept a getaway home. The term refers to one being disorganized, confused, etc., as in, "He was supposed to stop by around 3 today, but he's tangled up in his underwear."

This term inspired a personalized twist, "tangled up in the tools." This twist referred to having trouble with a set of fireplace tools (poker, broom, etc.) my parents owned. These tools were long, as such tools go, and rested in a tool holder thingamajig that tended to send all the tools falling in different directions if nudged somehow wrongly.

This twist was inspired by a scene in one of the Blake Edwards/Peter Sellers "Pink Panther" movies, whereby Sellers' Inspector Clouseau becomes similarly "tangled up" in a set of pool cues. The Panther series was among the comedies I grew up watching with my parents, a rotation we'd watch with some regularity. One night Dad became tangled up in those fireplace tools, with the accompanying din of noise and curse words, and Mom and I joked that it was ala Clouseau, only tangled up in the tools rather than pool cues.

That fireplace set was so precarious that Dad and I'd take extra caution dealing with them, knowing Mom was just waiting for an opportunity to laugh at us becoming tangled in them. I recall once talking to Mom on the phone and hearing the cacophony of Dad's tanglement in the background.

Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers should well know that, until May, I spent a year-plus sorting out the family estate, back and forth between that home in the country and my place in Chicago. Toward the end of that process, tending one of the last fires I enjoyed in the home, I grabbed for the broom and mini-shovel to sweep up some errant ash and… Clang! Bam! Ding!

I audibly chuckled at myself as I imagined Mom looking on from somewhere, "Ah ha ha ha! Tangled up in the tools!"

It was one of those moments in processes like this where I realized I must be making emotional progress, since my first instinct was to laugh along Memory Lane, rather than emit a sigh of sadness.

I'm sure this is a lifelong process. Growing better all the time, but for some time I'll be, nonetheless, emotionally tangled-up…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/8/2015:
Of activists, Twitter, question--
how many to change lightbulb? One
or more to hashtag it;
through shares, faves, trends drag it…
But real world? Task wouldn't get done!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/8/2015:
Lotta unrest in U.S. cities these days. Hey, don't knock it 'til you riot.

Peace in the Mid-East? What about peace in the Mid-West?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/9/2015:
Pakistani pol's knickers are in twist
o'er modernized women there. Made a list,
earthquakes to economy.
Cause? Dames' autonomy!
Play'n U.S. Christian Fund'mentalist!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/9/2015:
We at Daily Limerick are proud to announce that we have no idea who the hell the Duggars are, or why they're "famous."

Sure, could look it all up in a jiffy, what with the Too Much Information Age and all, but we're just fine with it, as is…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/10/2015:
Bright spot, tough times--take Great Depression?
Chi hotdog, beef--schemed food costs lessened!
'Least once was that way.
Not sure 'bout today…
What? Subway from the Great Recession?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/10/2015:
So Taco Bell's starting a pilot program in Chicago, serving…booze?

Makes perfect sense actually, since few even consider the Taco Bell option before a few belts…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/11/2015:
Ad, types, like Queen Selfie, employing;
'Hind Times'er, too, seems ask, "Most cloying?"
All irk; 'Hind Times'er least so.
Of Mankind, clearly shows
we evolve more, more annoying!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/11/2015:
Made a trip to my local CVS store recently. (Chief Limericist checking in, here.) Even though it's closer to me than a Walgreens, I generally avoid the hell outta CVS. (More on that in a moment.) But I was in a hurry and only needed one item.

CVS is engaged in the outsourcing of jobs, not overseas, but to those annoying computerized "self checkouts." Meaning, if you need help from an actual human employee… Ha!

I did need help from a human on this visit, although had known that ahead of time… Anyway, beside the point.

Folks don't beat-up on CVS over this job-slashing because they've become a "liberal," "progressive" darling among the Big Mother set for ceasing sales of a legal product known as tobacco.

You've, of course, heard of the "carbon credits" system? This is "P.C. credits"--and credits earned in the tobacco realm mean… Well, CVS could probably enslave transgendered Native Americans and the "liberal," "progressives" would look the other way…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/12/2015:
Hit protest? Tough! But snap to bat fer
cause through social media chatter!
ePreach to eChoir!
But, 'mid selfie mire,
do lives that don't have hashtags matter?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/12/2015:
The other day, some of us in the Daily Limerick, um, Towers were perusing a guide to Chicago's street festivals this summer, deciding upon which one's we'd like to attend and… It really doesn't matter.

Okay, location matters. And dates matter, of course, especially for those of us non-Monday-Friday, non-9-5 jobs. And if you're interested in seeing a specific band, bands and/or other acts, the entertainment matters.

Otherwise, you just go to enjoy being outdoors while ogling dames, grabbing a bite and imbibing a drink or two. They're all really the same. That's a good thing.

Take Rib Fest. It's not like you can't enjoy some ribs any other day of the year in all sorts of locales. You don't go to Rib Fest, have some ribs, and go home. You'd be hard-pressed to find a street festival that DOESN'T have ribs available at one of the vendor booths.

Big festivals, like those sponsored by cities, are ripoffs, of course. And they bring increased numbers of suburbanites out to spill beer all over your shoes… Not that only suburbanites do such things. And not that we have anything against suburbanites, per se, but… So we have a love/hate relationship with street festivals--but that doesn't mean we're not hitting some this summer…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/13/2015:
Grease monkey, garage, bustin' butt,
was waylaid by amorous slut!
Lube needed, was short! He
tried Dub'yaD-40…
Found stuff loosens all kinds of nut!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/13/2015:
Maybe we've been engaged in too much Spring Cleaning but… That old saw where the cleaning lady says, "Don't do windows"?

Windows?

Of all the things needing cleaning, don't understand the problem with windows, especially if she does do toilets…

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 6/14/2015:
Duggars in the news, every day!
They're famous!... Just why, I can't say.
Though sec 'mid Web info flow
could bring me in the know…
I'd rather keep it this way!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/14/2015:
A Chicago kid has been accepted by 26 colleges.

And Michael Phelps has offered to accompany him on a visit to each and every one!...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 6/14/2015:
A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY
(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: That Special Edition You've All Been Waiting For…
…Comes next week.

I promise.

It'll be the day marking the official start of summer, thus a great time to get more regular…with Sunday Story Time, that is…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/15/2015:
Twenty-Fifteen--lose underwear hole
meant to match pants zippers' for your pole!
Nobody uses the thing!
Just pull down! Your guy swings
round in there--flop-out could take toll!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/15/2015:
So the Chicago Bears marketing dept., struggling to remain in the news during the off season, is making a full-on, whooping deal out of the team attending a Chicago Cubs game.

Er, considering…well, that the Bears currently suck balls, wouldn't it have made sense to have the outing for a Chicago team that's a winning organization? Maybe the Blackhawks instead?

Or at least the Fire, our Chicago pro soccer team…even the Red Stars, our women's pro soccer team, provided they're still around…ANY TEAM but the Cubs…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/16/2015:
E-mail says 'mong "Who's Who" I am!
I'm famous? Good golly! Hot damn!
Tome's storied--has history!
This, though, cuts mystery--
guide to clods who fall for spam!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/16/2015:
A recent story in TruthOut.org, a "liberal" online rag that, like all partisan hackery, we alternately cheer and boo, gives the U.S. government the grade of "F" for…Katrina?

Get the feeling many of these "progressive" types really, really miss George W. Bush?

Maybe we just caught the Late Edition…the Really, REALLY Late Edition…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/17/2015:
My fave fruits? The berries! Why, there's the
straw-, rasp-, black… There's just one contrary--
it's bitter as can be!
I say Berry Fam'ly
should disown the suck-ass cranberry!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/17/2015:
Now, I like spicy foods, I like hot sauce and, yes, I like Sriracha.

But squirting Sriracha onto established fast-food sandwiches or chain restaurant entrees does not create an original culinary wonder, folks.

People can, and do, add Sriracha, or any hot sauce, or any condiment, to their foods, as a rule.

Would you make a big whoopin' deal about a new Burger…with MUSTARD!???...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/18/2015:
Tale, SNL's, hit/miss, good/bad.
These days, few laughs are to be had!
One night, on, pre-bed, hit can;
heard send-up; rare laugh; ran…
Turns out, was REAL TV ad!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/18/2015:
Catching the first installment of Peter Jackson's "The Hobbit" series, noted that there ain't a lot of chicks in Jackson's Middle Earth.

That goes for the Good Guys--humans, elves, dwarves, hobbits, etc.--as well as the baddies-orcs, goblins, trolls, etc.

Suppose in medieval-type times, amid adventures and war and such, this makes some sense. But in all the shots with hordes of the various humans and humanoids… Sausage fest.

If the films were more like Dungeons & Dragons, there'd at least be dudes dressed as chicks. Or something like that, to reflect those players who curiously always played female D&D characters, seemingly getting some twisted kicks out of it, to boot.

Not talking about, you know, Jenner-esque situations. Just guys who… Keeping meaning to look into what ever happened to some of those cats, although we think the Grapevine would've clued me in to any actual Caitlins...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/19/2015:
In, 26 colleges? Help
that kid needs--he can't just check Yelp!
School visits? Like band tour!
Could get help, if demure--
heard got offer from Michael Phelps!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/19/2015:
Stumbled across one of those selfie media "news" headlines pondering how Jeb Bush would deal with his "wing-nut" past.

Which begs the question… PAST?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/20/2015:
As twist on birth name she was deemed,
always taking one for the team,
in place where she liked it
(spot with rather tight fit)--
the guys chose to call her, "Mau-ream"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/20/2015:
Do dapper S&M aficionados wear hand-cufflinks?...

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 6/21/2015:
News--"Jeb Bush Seeks Image Re-Cast
From Wing-Nut Past, So Pres. Bid Lasts"!
Makes sense, but… Well, here's the thing,
question, to mind, this brings--
whaddaya mean, wing-nut PAST?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/21/2015:
Happy Extra Cheezy First Day of Summer 2015 (as of 11:39 CDT)!...

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 6/21/2015:
A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY
(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: Announcing the Final Closing of the Halfway-to-the-Halfway-House House
In August of 2003, my wife and I bought the two-bedroom condo I'm now living in, located in the East Lakeview neighborhood of Chicago, with help from my parents' wedding gift of a down payment. Hip, uppity locale, and a bit beyond my personal means, but the wife made more than twice the salary I'd ever earned, so I went with her wishes in the matter.

The next summer, we were separated. We began the divorce negotiations--relatively simple, since we had no children and were amicable, at least as these things go. She was planning to move out of state, or perhaps out of country, and the condo was too much for my pocketbook, so we planned to simply sell it and divide what little equity we'd paid into the joint.

I mentioned this sales plan among some other updates in a phone conversation with my mother. Then I heard my dad talking to her in the background. Mom said Dad would call right back.

Since the whole reason for the wedding gift down payment was to set their son on the route to home ownership--and we'd gotten a great deal, especially with the then-current growth rate of the Real Estate Bubble--my parents urged me to keep the place. Realizing the infeasibility of that scheme with my financial particulars, they offered to buy out my soon-to-be ex's interest in the condo--as a gift with no prenuptial strings attached, half that down payment was legally hers--and invest in the place themselves.

"We'll pay part of the mortgage, association fees and such. You can find a roommate and, from there, it'll be affordable."

I paused. Perhaps even grumbled. I'd gotten out of the Roommate Game more than a decade earlier. Yeah, there are pros and cons on each side. Deal with roommates and you can get a bigger place, pool entertainment components, etc. But I'm big on privacy, perhaps influenced by never having to share a bedroom growing up, and was thus just fine for five-plus years in a shoebox studio apartment before shacking up with the woman who'd one day become my ex-wife.

"It'd just be temporary, to get a little equity, then you could sell it and buy something more affordable for yourself. Five years? Maybe even three."

I knew that my friend Joe's lease was up soon. (Joe, of course, is not his real name.)And he's the type who'd prefer to live with a roommate. He was a 90 percent-plus taker. Plus I had a bunch of friends amid the prime Roommate Game stage of life. The condo has two bedrooms plus a living room and dining room, so while the kitchen and bath would be shared, myself and a boarder would each have our own bed and living room, for minimum dorminess, I figured.

My parents had helped me out a lot over the years financially, so I felt I really had to go along with this. I suppose I could've suggested I just sell the condo and work the down payment and such into the equation of buying a more affordable home for myself, but a few years back in the Roommate Game with a friend like Jim was doable.

So I agreed to the plan. Immediately, a voice in the back of my head said, "You may very well regret this."

Joe indeed moved in, December 2003 (the ex moved out Labor Day Weekend). Other than simple roommate issues, like setting privacy boundaries, it all went swimmingly.

Until Joe lost his job and grew increasingly indebted to me. This arrangement was new--I hadn't yet regained my financial grip, what with a second mortgage now to handle credit card balances and such that saddled me under the divorce arrangement--so translated as an increased financial burden to my parents.

Had I any inkling of how taking on strangers as boarders was going to pan out (through Craig's List), the most intelligent path would've been to stick with Joe and let him gradually catch up, debt-wise. But I was vigilant about burdening the parents as little as possible, so told Joe he had to go. (Must say I did a good job of finessing, because Joe and I remain friends.)

This three-five year investment plan is now in the second half of its fifteenth year. Many, er, interesting folks have shared this condo with me. I've penned a multi-edition Sunday Story Time about two of these derelicts and easily have a whole book in the experience but… Although the last one was likely the worst, I returned to a friend on that one, despite swearing off boarding friends after Joe. Besides, my first serialized boarder tale is the most entertaining of all, and that's already written up (look for the Tale of the Derelict Roommate/Renter in the Archives, bastards), plus I don't feel like wallowing in any of it via literary treatment at this time.

One of these boarders was a fiancé, not so much a "roommate," and I thought I'd exit the Roommate Game Arena then but… We were dis-engaged and the hell continued anew.

However, as good Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers know, my parents passed away over the past two years and, after handling the estate matters, I find myself in a better financial place.

And so, nearing a decade back in the Roommate Game, after nine boarder/renter/roommates and--

Three abandoned property clean-outs;

Three adult boarders unable to handle task of caring for my cats while I was away;

Two bug infestations, roommate-caused;

Two courthouse visits to discern boarders' current a previous criminal cases;

Two discoveries of food outside of kitchen/refrigerator three-twenty months old;

Three emergency personnel visits;

Three eviction consultations with lawyers (no eviction proceedings);

Five landline phone bills mysteriously high;

Two lease-breakings;

Nine phone rounds to others' relatives/friends (whom I was not acquainted with) attempting to discern boarders' whereabouts;

Twenty-seven rent-less months (four with roommates present);

And a partridge in a pear tree (a joke…but, actually, in a tossing-crap-into-the-dumpster frenzy to handle abandoned belongings, it COULD be true)...

--I can finally, at long last, announce the closing of the Halfway-to-the-Halfway-House House...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/22/2015:
You say you're late because of TRAFFIC?
That's not excuse--more a riffraff trick!
That's given! Fact of life, mate!
Would you claim, were made late,
Because the sun rose? Ya' daft prick!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/22/2015:
Read that the name of the woman Aladdin was awarded in marriage via the genie, Badroulbadour, means "full moon of full moons" in Arabic. Also read that in the Arabic world, the full moon is a symbol of female beauty.

Chief Limericist checking in, here.

Since the moon is also a symbol of… Well, don't have a drop of Arabic blood in me, so perhaps some Arabic curse explains my dating life?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/23/2015:
Solution to Mid-East unrest?
Let's just say, elusive at best!
Wherever your roam's
unrest! Closer home
I'd settle for Peace in Mid-West!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/23/2015:
Have you noticed that those incessant Web ads featuring modern-day Chicken Little Ron Paul have narrowed focus from predicting doom for anyone and everyone to predicting doom now specifically for seniors?

Bizarre coincidence, no? Why, if we didn't know darn well that this is the case solely because seniors have special worries like Social Security, Medicare and retirement accounts, it'd almost seem as if he's targeting the demographic most likely to fall for spam, junk mail, telemarketers, opportunist Chicken Little types, etc…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/24/2015:
Chi Town trial menu in the news--
at Taco Bell, drinks one can choose!
Eliminates middleman!
Few trips to Bell are planned
without some stiff belts of booze!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/24/2015:
Today I am going to review the new Froot Loops with Marshmallows.

Ahem.

Exactly what you'd expect. What's not to like?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/25/2015:
Folks with Justice Flag, for to fly it,
hit streets since cops/guns/courts deny it!
Though some call the methods base--
unrest all o'er the place!--
don't knock it…until you riot!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/25/2015:
It's better to be masturbating than to be bastard-mating…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/26/2015:
It's summer! For street fair, you're game!
Which one? Start by mulling each name…
Pick one close; day, you decide!
All've food, tunes, fun outside…
In good way, they're all the same!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/26/2015:
Funny how the many of the same U.S. folks who were incensed, years back, over the idea of anti-flag burning laws--because a flag's only a symbol…are the same ones clamoring for laws and regulations to prevent any display of the Confederate Flag…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/27/2015:
A girlie looked so gosh darned wondrous
'round town showing off her new sundress,
that late that night, she did learn,
actually got sunburned
'cause was so oft ment'ly undressed!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/27/2015:
With all the ribbons and bucket challenges and runs and blah blah yadda yadda, you never hear anything about cancer of the taint.

We imagine it's a big threat. Right?

Anyway, somebody's gotta take up the cause, so we're urging all you Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers to break out the…brown ribbons?

Maybe it's a threat and maybe it's not, but… We don't hear anything about it either way, so at least this is a way to find out...

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 6/28/2015:
A far-Left news Website's does glean a
grade "F" for… Bush handling Katrina?
That's some "Late" Edition!
Seems Left-nuts sure missin'
the George Dubya Target Arena!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/28/2015:
We don't watch talk shows here at Daily Limerick, especially those on in the day, but we do peruse TV listings, for stuff like take show guests, as a way of keeping our finger on the, um…pulse of things and… Seems to us Ellen is always interviewing Jane Lynch, for some reason… Just an observation... Speaking of, you know, keeping the finger on… Anyway…

***

SUNDAY STORY TIME 6/28/2015:
A SPECIAL, TOUCHING SECTION APPEARING SUNDAYS ONLY
(Touching in some manner, anyway)

TODAY'S EDITION: Blow Off Edition!
See, it would be anti-climactic, after last week's much trumpeted Big News Special Edition, to even attempt an actual edition this week, don't you think?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/29/2015:
Should we, Daily Limerick, have app?
To supplement our Slap and Yap?
App this; app that--all the rage!
One needn't be a sage
to know most are worthless crap!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/29/2015:
We've finally killed off all the bad effects of slavery!

Haven't you heard? They're taking the Confederate Flag off of the General Lee car from the "Dukes of Hazzard" franchise!

See, when you update symbols from a TV show that finished its run decades ago…er… Well, a show that's now a movie…series, is it gonna be, of those Godawful movie-tization thingies?... Anyway.

Okay, then. Maybe we HAVEN'T completely killed off slavery's effects. But if we just go back, via computer wizardry, and add black people to "Lawrence Welk"?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/30/2015:
Many of folks who urge, ire churning,
"Take them down!"--Confed'rate flags turning
up down South--are same who cried,
"It's mere symbol!" when tries
were made to ban Stars-Stripes burning!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/30/2015:
So it turns out that Andy Warhol was mostly right about that "Fifteen Minutes of Fame" thing.

With all these modern terms like "Internet celebrity," "reality TV star" and "celebrity chef"… Well, we're thankful for the Media's informing us just who is a "celebrity."

Warhol's wisdom just needs a little tweak.

In our era, everyone apparently is entitled, not so much to Fifteen Minutes of Fame, but to Fifteen Minutes of "Fame"…