Daily Limerick
May contain immature content; if you're a minor, go away!
(c)1999-2017 John "Sloop" Biederman
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missives@dailylimerick.net
Archives: December 2017
DAILY LIMERICK 12/1/2017:
"Person of the Year," Time does choose!
Trump thinks it's HIS choice, take or lose?
Fake, real? All so blurred! We're
'specting more from Fuehrer
who gets all his "news" from Fox News?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/1/2017:
Finally! Something bridges our partisan divide!

Er, okay. Guess it HAS been bridging that divide for quite some time--we're just finding out about it. And it happens to be sexual misconduct but, hey, baby steps…

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/2/2017:
An amorous elf named Mack plied trade
of toy making, but, with Yule nigh, 's'way?
View from bushes, sought he,
peeping on List Naughty--
a yearly quest he dubbed "Jack Friday"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/2/2017:
So the Supreme Court will be hearing a case involving a robbery at Radio Shack, whereby… Hmmm.

Radio Shack? How many years has it been since it threw in the towel? And how long before that where it existed in a near-throw in the towel state?

Sure. Our court system is well equipped to handle the unique problems posed by the Digital Age.

Not as if we're in an Internet Dark Ages or anything…

Happy Festively Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

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SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 12/3/2017:
"Mad Mike's" rocket launch, cancelled! Toast!
Would have "proven" world flat, did boast!
Stunt wasn't in vain
for, from, job could gain--
great fit for a Trump science post!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/3/2017:
So it looks like, regarding CNN, in some cases, our Fuehrer may actually be right, in the only way he CAN be… Accidentally.

Yeah, in posturing that they're taking the Higher Ground…or More Objective Ground, anyway, over the likes of Fox News… Well.

Lesson to be learned here?

You can't call yourself "informed" if you get your "news" from broadcast news. ANY broadcast news.

Learned powerful people know this.

Except, well… Our Fuehrer…

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/4/2017:
'Mid partisanship bitter, stuck!
Hope things grow more civil? No luck!
Grow worse! Yet, sides tether,
to one "cause," together…
Too bad it's sex'yal misconduct!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/4/2017:
So GOP Rep. (Ill.) Adam Kinzinger has come forth to say that Fuehrer Trump's re-twitting of anti-Muslim videos is "not helpful."

Oh, that's right. We're into December.

It's time for all those damned lists. Everybody's last minute vying for titles like "Understatement of the Year"…

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/5/2017:
With Tech changing world on fast track,
think, handling, snail-paced courts can hack?
Data theft case nearing
Supreme Court's ear hearing
involves the late…Radio Shack?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/5/2017:
Read a review, written by a woman, in a local, so-called "alt weekly" of a book, by a woman, about womanly things.

This review bashed the book, and its writer, for kowtowing to a male-dominated society by being focused on looks, clothes, etc., yadda yadda, blah blah blah… I'd name names, but, really, this is one example of a slew of this politically correct warrior stuff that has become all retro cool lately.

Naturally, the alt-writer also cast this author as a victim of this male-dominated society for thinking as she does and… Hmm. Doesn't this qualify as a form of blaming the victim, then?

In fact… Well, sorry folks, gotta call 'em as we see 'em and, gotta say, this is all a bit catty, don't you think?...

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/6/2017:
On Wednesdays, Lim'rick, content block,
are on "food" theme. Big cook, brain stocked
with ideas, most times!
But when, for them, in bind,
I've dubbed it "writer's (chopping) block"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/6/2017:
A regular topic of this Wednesday "food"-themed S&Y has been generics. Establishing that buying generic or store brands just makes economic sense--in fact, most of our touching on this topic entails pointing out those exceptions to the rule, as in items that DON'T prove a value when generic.

Bought a name-brand cooking spray lately. Yeah, we tinker with the concept. And while one common complaint of those exception-to-the-rule generics is shoddy packaging, which amounts to making those purchases less than a good deal, in this case… Popular name brand with leaky container, in this instance.

Is this the beginning of a whole new generics subtopic--buys for which generics don't only MATCH the name-brand quality, but BEAT it?...

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/7/2017:
From baseless, propagandist beef,
to dancing 'round "fake news" motif,
CNN proves broadcast form
news leaves one 's'well informed
as, say, our Bigot in Chief!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/7/2017:
Facebook's "Messenger Kids."

Now Mark Zuckerberg is the Digital Robber Barons' version of Roy Moore…

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/8/2017:
Generation names worked just fine--
X, Y, Z… But, now, in a bind!
Back--Dubya, A? Fettered
by this scheme of letters!
So what's next? Gen'ration At Sign?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/8/2017:
Sex robots?

Seriously, we're already born with one! And using it's a lot less creepy than these new models. Provided, of course, standard discretion is employed.

It's called "one's right hand"…

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/9/2017:
Of all Christmas gifts might be sent,
wish most for one religious bent--
'd'spur goodwill 'tween races,
prove how great God's grace is!
Wise Threesome of the Orient!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/9/2017:
Enough, already!

Seein' headlines ala, "Office Holiday Parties, Post-Weinstein" and selfie media posts ala, "No more propositioning ladies, guys"?

The only change here only matters if you're a creepy, predatory prick. (And, unfortunately, we're learning there's a whole lot more of them than we'd like to believe.) For you cretins, it's not gonna be as easy to get away with your modus operandi from here on out.

Otherwise, rules are the same as they've always been--as long as you're not wielding power and/or force in any way, nothin' wrong with flirting with, hitting on, complimenting or even propositioning women. That is, as long as you knock it off if she's not receptive.

Pretty simple and the creepy, predatory pricks know this, too. They just do the wrong thing anyway.

Not good news for the creepy, predatory pricks making money off scams like "workplace sexual harassment workshops," but they need not worry anyway, 'least until society acknowledges the existence of bad apples…

Goodwill to all on your Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

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SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 12/10/2017:
This Messenger Kids seeks to lure
the children into Facebook's sewer?
If 'Net's one big shopping mall,
Facebook's prowling the halls
playing the role of Roy Moore!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/10/2017:
Gotta imagine that Al Franken is wallowing in regret at this time.

Namely over the fact that he didn't join the Republican Party instead!...

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/11/2017:
AI news scares me--though ain't bland!
Yet sex robots? Don't understand!
Real creepy, but sadly,
not shocking! Still, fad be
unneeded--there's thing called "right hand"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/11/2017:
The trend among hotel chains now is "smart rooms." You know, loaded with smart devices so that, say, a patron, on a return visit, finds that the hotel remembers his/her preferences regarding room temperature and such.

What happens in Vegas…is out there for the whole damned world to hack into, apparently…

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/12/2017:
Headlines, posts, ev'rywhere you click!
"'MeToo' changes hitting on chicks!"?
Be couth--rules, all same--
get "no"; end your game!
What's changed? Numbered days for creep-pricks!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/12/2017:
In any democracy and/or free government, politicians are meant to be a necessary evil. Hell, the writers of our Constitution even penned it with a tone of distrust for them, ringing with an "absolute power corrupts absolutely" background.

So any time there's too much excitement for a politician, there's a huge, sinister problem stewing.

Even if those fervent supporters are drooling, blindly following, misinformed hateful, racist, alt-right… Ahem. Then again, that's kinda what such supporters HAVE to be.

Not that we have any particular politician who's 100 percent politician while claiming to be a "non-politician" in mind or anything, mind you…

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/13/2017:
Generics, store brands mostly can
work same--and tweak one's budget plan!
But bought Big Name cooking spray…
Package leaked, generic way?
Buy store brand to BEAT name brand?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/13/2017:
Now and then you get a craving for something--something as specific as a local fave sandwich or a steak, or something more vague such as Indian food--and you have that craving, if perhaps on-and-off, until you satisfy it.

Sometimes this craving happens over something your read or watch. Sometime a friend or acquaintance puts it into your head. Sometimes it seemingly inexplicably arises. Complicated thing.

Recently, a friend of mine's musings established such a craving in me. We were talking about this Christmastime marketplace in Chicago, which pops up every year with booths bearing wares such as imported Christmas Tree ornaments and European food. My friend was talking about how he loves grabbing an authentic German brat at this marketplace.

And so… Well, you can figure out what craving arose in me.

However, when I attended next (I hit the thing a few times, usually), the German style pulled pork sandwich caught my eye most, and so I partook of that. (In addition to a hot pretzel and some potato pancakes--one sandwich won't fill me up.)

While, of course, this attraction, and its food, will continue to call out to me throughout the Christmas Season, this pulled pork indeed satisfied the particular Craving, which, again, was initially for a bratwurst.

The food craving version of the old Telephone Game?...

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/14/2017:
Imagine that Al Franken be
a'wallowing in regrets! He's
no shortage, but guessing that,
tops is pol'tician hat
not thrown in as GOP!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/14/2017:
Tucked into the reverse Robin Hood tax overhaul are provisions to benefit corporate behemoths' overseas wings.

From the guy frothing "America First!"

Then again, if you're somehow not convinced that it's only all about "Make Trump (and the Filthy Rich) Great Again," you need the political/social equivalent of cult deprogramming…

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/15/2017:
Hotel chain trend? With "smart rooms" jacked!
Say, temp prefs, saved, for when you're back!
Vacation? Grid pegs us!
What happens in Vegas
stays…out there for whole world to hack!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/15/2017:
Apparently the "Flat Earth Movement" is growing.

But, naw, Daily Limerick's just exercising alarmist whackjobism in claiming we're entering an Internet Dark Ages…

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/16/2017:
He brings gifts to all, 'cross world map,
but what gifts does Santa unwrap?
Joy to those believin'
ensures he's receivin'
from the North Pole…in Santa's lap!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/16/2017:
Popular Science headline--

"Anti-Smoking Techniques Might Help Us Fight Climate Change"

What? How? By enacting a PSA-nagging barrage to kick-in the Forbidden Fruit Factor and make inducing climate change cool, hip and rebellious?

That technique's already unwinding--it's called "electing T-Rump"…

Happy Hall-Deckin' Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

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SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 12/17/2017:
Word so many sources are dishin'?
"Smells pre-World War II!" Gov'ment's mission,
Free World's--needed evil!
So, 'course there's upheaval!
Some 'xcited 'bout ANY pol'tician!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/17/2017:
Drug maker Teva's stock soared this week…after announcing the cutting of 14,000 jobs.

In case you're still under the delusion that a healthy stock market means a healthy economy…

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/18/2017:
"Int'resting times"--Now's hist'try pages!
Growth 'mong those who a "flat earth" gauges?
But don't mind me, crackpot,
asserting, from facts got,
that we've entered a 'Net Dark Ages!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/18/2017:
Lotta discussion of last week's FCC repeal of Net Neutrality. Mostly negative. Hell, other than the FCC and Ajit Pai, freakin' ALL negative. Ridiculously horrible turn of events fitting right into our assertions that we've entered an Internet Dark Ages.

But predictable. We would've been shocked silly had Net Neutrality NOT been repealed with T-Rump in office.

And yet… Sorry, but gotta say, the Internet has been spiraling toward uselessness for quite some time. Since at least the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, the "information wants to be free" pricks, Google's pay-to-play slimeball model (we've only seen a couple examples of what they've been CAUGHT doing)… Oh, we could go on and on.

But, while we felt bummed for most of the day when the news came down, but night… Just more of the same. Sad to say, but just more of the same…

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/19/2017:
Ride in Santa's Sleigh'd be a treat!
Wildly understated--'d'be neat!
It's such an attraction,
Claus, elves resist action?
There're legends just 'bout its back seat!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/19/2017:
So Justin Timberlake will make a…er, a triumphant return to the Super Bowl Halftime Show?

The most important question here is… What hot female star's gonna be up there next to him, this time around?...

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/20/2017:
It's Christmastime--heat up a goose!
Baste it in that savory juice!
And, once gravy thickens,
cook bird, too--go Dickens
as long as you're cuttin' Yule loose!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/20/2017:
So Subway has a reuben.

Reviews itself.

In a darkly curious way, a part of me wants to try it.

But I'm resisting. Been there, done that.

Why?

Again. Reviews itself…

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/21/2017:
How reindeer doe for Rudolph pine!
Fame's groupies always form a line!
Nose--one plaster-cast it!
Red appendage has lit,
as they say, where the sun don't shine!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/21/2017:
Happy Merrily Cheezy First Day of Winter 2017-2018!...

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/22/2017:
A festive old man, name of Rawls,
each Christmastime, put forth his calls--
"Tree trimming, free eggnog!"
The party stoked Yule log--
and, with, he'd go dickin' the halls!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/22/2017:
Actually have found ourselves thinking something we thought we never would lately.

Of moving, say, to Canada or somewhere?

Not seriously considering such a thing but, considering… Well, YOU know.

But we love America, consider it our patriotic duty to bitch and moan about things, can't imagine leaving, no matter HOW bad it gets--taking the attitude that patriotism means doing all we can to change things and… Well, we've figured out the best way to describe this.

We thus have unconditional love for our country, but it's kinda like the USA is our son. In prison. In prison for hideously, horribly violent crimes and… Well, all that accompanies that weird feeling…

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/23/2017:
Christmas mem'ries take me back through
time, to party--met lass; did woo!
My Santa hat, to her called--
played with it, fondled ball…
and the ball on the hat, too!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/23/2017:
Apparently, everyone and their plumber's second cousin is scratching heads, trying to figure out why so many fans are disappointed in the new Star Wars flick, "The Last Jedi."

We can discern quite a few reasons. But one word explains it for the most part--

"Disney"…

Merry Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

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SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 12/24/2017:
Night 'fore Christmas, all through the house,
ALL creatures stirred--even the mouse!
See, eggnog was flowin';
'neath mistletoe--ho'in'!
All creatures slurred, too--all well soused!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/24/2017:
Merry (and Extra Cheezy) Christmas Eve!...

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/25/2017:
As Big Day of Peace, Goodwill, Caring comes,
Christmas--mem'ries, gifts, make, take sharing from
heart! I just can't bluff here!
For my "stocking" stuffer?
Please Santa! A gift who'll be wearing some!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/25/2017:
From all of us at Daily Limerick, to all of you Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers and yours, a very Merry Christmas!

God bless us, every one! (With the possible exception of… Aw, hell. We usually toss out one sinister name in the news here as a tradition, but there's just too many to name, given… You know… So let's try again…)--

Merry (Extra Cheezy) Christmas!...

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/26/2017:
So Big Pharma's Teva did treat
thousands of grunts to pink slip! Neat?
Markets thought so; stock soared!
Mull if think what's good for
Wall Street's also good for Main Street!

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SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/26/2017:
From all of us at Daily Limerick, top all of you Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers and yours… (Sigh)…

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/27/2017:
Friend talking about brats enflamed
craving in me! Yet, when day came,
I hit market German
yen turned pulled pork, there, then?
A craving twist Telephone Game!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/27/2017:
Once had a tradition of making a huge, homemade, bachelor-reheatable pot of chicken soup on the day of taking down the Christmas Tree, un-decking the halls and such.

Well. Did it one year, intending it to be a traditional--little way to take the (sigh) outta that process. Think I did it the next year. Then… Well, haven't exactly nailed that tradition.

Was thinking about it in planning out my Big Bachelor Cooking Projects through the Holidays when I realized my plans, already underway, didn't leave room for the chicken soup anywhere in the Holiday Zone.

So I guess this was a tradition that…just didn't take?

Can you have an occasional tradition?...

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/28/2017:
So Timberlake back? Turning page
on Super Bowl halftime nip rage?
Question most important--
which babe will cavort then
up next to him there on the stage?!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/28/2017:
Welcome to the Holiday Taint!... Happy Extra Cheezy Holiday Taint 2017!...

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/29/2017:
Tax bill, reverse Robin Hood nursed,
has gift clause for Trump-dubbed accursed
Big Biz offshore outsourcing?
His motto, endorsing--
"'Merica…," make that, "Trump first"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/29/2017:
As long as Web sites and such are using Artificial Intelligence on us visitors, why don't they do something useful?

For instance, for my part (Chief Limericist checking in, here), you'd think one of these 'bots or whatever could easily discern, "Hey ever since this guy hit the Internet in the early/mid 1990s, he's never, ever clicked on a pop-up ad, site he was redirected to, etc., et al, so let's stop bothering him with this noise."

Okay, okay. After dwelling in a dystopian novel series the last couple of years, maybe I needed a brief exercise in a utopian setting…

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DAILY LIMERICK 12/30/2017:
A fella went girl watching, tipply,
on day so cold, almost made Ripley's!
Sat by a club's waiting line--
cold be damned; girls dressed fine!
Wasn't just nippy--but nipply!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/30/2017:
So Amazon and Apple are now in talks to bring their business to Saudi Arabia.

Just NOW?

Seems matches made in heaven, if we may wax cliché.

All filthy rich, entrenched rulers, detrimental to the United States at the same time their welcomed by it--and even given special treatment…

Happy Last Extra Cheezy Saturday of 2017!...

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SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 12/31/2017:
New Year's ritual soon unravels!
Though human-dubbed smack of Time's gavel,
most'd judge my plans shitty--
home 'lone, Walter Mitty
indulging a form of time travel!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 12/31/2017:
Happy Extra Cheezy New Year's Eve!...