Daily Limerick
May contain immature content; if you're a minor, go away!
(c)1999-2017 John "Sloop" Biederman
E-mail us here--
missives@dailylimerick.net
Archives: February 2017
DAILY LIMERICK 2/1/2017:
Last time, bulk burrito fill made,
had horrific date--boy, was played!
So, making same recent,
I paused, post-pot greasin'…
I gotta admit, was afraid!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/1/2017:
Overheard a TV station promo for an infotainment show featuring a competition among chefs.

(Yawn.) No shortage of TV chefs.

However, I initially misheard this as a competitor among "Shemps."

Just try and stop me from tuning in for THAT!...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 2/2/2017:
How long left in Winter's cold term?
Awaiting Groundhog's word, we squirm!
Sees shadow on peek,
too, means 'yond six weeks
'til Trump's cabinet is confirmed!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/2/2017:
Happy Extra Cheezy Groundhog Day!...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 2/3/2017:
Wishing ill will brings strange sensation!
Say, stock market's down? Feel…elation?
We 'lected T-Rump;
need learn lesson, chumps--
could say it's "tough love" for the nation!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/3/2017:
A Dutch zoo, seeking to mate an orangutan, has jiggered a way for her to seek a suitable male through something described as an "orangutan tinder."

Having some experience with such things--the human versions--here in the Daily Limerick, er, Towers… Well, not only is this bonafide animal cruelty, but we can't help but suspect some sinister plan for orangutan extinction...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 2/4/2017:
Many moons back, fellow near flipped
o'er lady with raspberry lips!
Though lips passed in night,
their mem'ry burned bright
and those lips launched a thousand drips!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/4/2017:
Website ad asks--

"Fed Up With Fake Dating?"

Considering the News and the "News" lately… Guess fake is the new black!...

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 2/5/2017:
Speech experts say rhet'ric that spouts from
Trump's campaign, now's really, same, 'bout summed!
How shocking! Enlight'ning!
To think on's, quite frightening,
those experts--how'd we live without 'em?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/5/2017:
Justin Bieber, Drake and Kanye West are all reportedly skipping this year's Grammys.

Bieber outright says it's because the awards are "irrelevant," while Drake and West have other plans--more or less indirectly saying the same.

As we've been saying, about the Grammys and every entertainment awards show, for about as long as we've been doin' the DL Thing.

One (hopefully) on its way down…about a freakin' hundred more to go...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 2/6/2017:
Dutch zoo helps Orangutan hindered
by lack of mate with form of…Tinder?
She sure won't find mate,
but Godawful dates
scams and Mojo fried into cinders!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/6/2017:
A study by the think tank Demos find that Twitter is really an "Echo Chamber."

That is, users tend to create feeds of followers and those they follow all of the same political, etc., opinions.

Thanks, studiers of things. Would've never figured that out otherwise…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 2/7/2017:
Saw Web ad that took me aback--
"Fed Up with Fake Dating?" No lack
these days of fake news--
"alt facts" now thing, too--
could it be that Fake's the New Black?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/7/2017:
We've come up with another of our new, sorely needed terms for our Modern Age.

This one refers to those folks you see walking around, in cars, while they're supposed to be paying attention in checkout lines etc., et. al., with their faces stuck in a certain type of device--

"iDiots"…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 2/8/2017:
Can't watch "celeb chefs"--won't attempt--
but promo for found me verklempt!
For chefs' "competition,"
misheard promo's dishin'--
sure would've watched contest of "Shemps"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/8/2017:
There are certain foods, normally served hot, which also work well cold.

Fried chicken (in fact any kinda poultry pretty much), pizza (at least thin crust) and, at least according to a friend/cohort of mine, spaghetti.

Thing is, with chicken, I now prefer it cold.

One of my fave grocers has great fried chicken with a great deal. I've found that even when I bring it home hot, just before dinner, I toss it in the fridge right away to get it cold.

So for me, "goin' cold turkey" has a different connotation, thought I don't think one's supposed to enjoy it as much as I...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 2/9/2017:
Kanye, Bieber, Drake all say, "No"
to attending the Grammys show!
"Irrelevant's" reason!
Dare I fall for teasin'--
one 'wards show down…hundred to go?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/9/2017:
Certain products sorta make sense to be deemed the "official" such-and-such of sports teams, leagues, etc. Sneakers, sports drinks, beers for fans and such.

But we saw a sign recently and… Seriously, "The Official Deodorizer of the Chicago Blackhawks"?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 2/10/2017:
News that a think-tank study brings--
Twitter, like "echo chamber" rings!
Followees and followers?
Same beliefs wallowers!
Gee, thanks, studiers of things!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/10/2017:
We've noticed an alarmingly disturbing trend. We think.

Perhaps it's an iOS glitch within Mail but… Okay.

When we check e-mail accounts, we promptly place spam into the "Spam" or "Junk" folders. But we've noticed a spam, not uncommonly mind you, somehow appearing back in the "In" box.

Once we place the e-vermin back in its proper spam folder, it remains but… Jumpin' spam. Gotta admit the concept is scarin' the hell outta us…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 2/11/2017:
I'm starting a cult! First, I'll prune
out fine ladies for flock, who'll swoon
over my charisma! I
prefer you call me by
name--the Rev'rend Sum Yung Poon!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/11/2017:
They've got your records, your history and know everything about you.

You consider yourself a good citizen and all and, sure, they claim to have your best interests at heart and, honestly, in most cases that seems to be the case but… Just makes us nervous.

The Feds?

No--our Chief Limericist recently had a doctor's appointment--we're currently more worried about The Meds!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 2/12/2017:
In sports, from whole league to franchise, fer
sponsor cash, have "official" ties stirred!
Makes sense, say shoes, sports drinks,
but Blackhawks? This one stinks--
team "Official Deodorizer"?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/12/2017:
Recently watched a movie, from a few years back, that had a character whose last name was Trump.

Although it wasn't the greatest flick, this added an interesting angle, especially to dialogue. Current events often put strange twists on things like this…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 2/13/2017:
Day's first e-mail check, and you're slammed!
"Spam" box 'em; you turn 'round and… Bam!
One came back to "In" Box?
Somehow it's ditchin' block?
Trapped in horror flick--"jumpin' spam"?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/13/2017:
Stumbled across an e-book on Smashwords, "Why I Voted for Trump: An Essay to Give to Your Liberal Friends."

Setting aside the fact that many who could most certainly not be labeled "liberal" also have huge problems with our Fuhrer, most telling here is the fact that the author is listed as Anonymous.

Also telling is the fact that, in the book description, Anonymous lists his real name...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 2/14/2017:
When your Valentine's date's, well, you,
'least need not brainstorm a to-do!
No sweet love by fireplace,
good/bad, more out of place--
feel bit like a Christmas Day Jew!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/14/2017:
Happy Extra Cheezy St. Valentine's Day!...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 2/15/2017:
Like many, I'm love-cold-bird quirky!
E'en not rushed, the heat-up I shirk, see?
"Cold turkey" don't scare me,
but could say I'm wary
of confronting something "hot turkey"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/15/2017:
Soft and chewy is the way, it seems, most prefer their cookies.

This makes sense. Store-bought varieties of this style mimic that hot-out-of-the-oven state.

For my part, gotta say… Well, I'm not entirely sure. I get the attraction to to the soft and chewy and have myself enjoyed 'em hot out of the oven.

But the majority of my cookie eating, at least growing up, was with the firm and crunchy variety.

See, my grandma was my chief cookie source and she'd just bake and bake, near constantly. Since I didn't actually live with her, this meant my cookies were most often firm and crunchy.

And yet… Well, still gotta say I like 'em both ways.

Don't ask me to pick a favorite. I just love cookies, damnit!...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 2/16/2017:
Got your records--and would embed
brain chips if could! What? Not the Feds!
Life/death power, absolute!
Wellness flag, they salute!
Talkin' Big Healthcare--the Meds!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/16/2017:
The buzz now says that Hillary Clinton will again run for president.

If the Democrats actually oblige her with a nomination… Well, we're well aware of the pitfalls of politicians' ignorance letting history repeat itself, but this'd be like hitting the freakin' "Replay" button…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 2/17/2017:
Watched old scare flick! One of the chumps'
in line to take victim fate lumps
bad dialogue sent it
to laughs unintended
'cause character's last name was Trump!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/17/2017:
Caught a selfie media post from an actor friend and cohort recently about how his agent was urging him to knock-off the political comments.

Always exploring the myriad ways the Internet has been, er, uh, a great thing for Free Speech...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 2/18/2017:
February flasher showed cop pickle!
In cold air, thing was mini-popsicle!
When he realized
whom he'd flashed, surprise
had him, on spot, shit out a plop-sicle!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/18/2017:
Extra attention is being paid to the doings of our whackadoodle commander-in-chief at the time, and that'll most certainly be the case for the next four years.

Rightfully so. Fear of this nutjob and his Rogue's Gallery go beyond the typical liberal/conservative, Republican/Democrat lines.

But, Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers… Need we remind you that the biggest governmental influence on all of our lives still comes from a local levels?

And it is times like these where the slimeballs like, say, Democrat-in-Name-Only Chicago Major Rahm Emmanuel take advantage of the eyes looking away.

As the dragon feeds, the maggots are free to breed…or something like that…

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 2/19/2017:
The scuttlebutt's? True, false--can't say!
Hil will run for pres. 'gain? If they,
Dems, nom her, love beatings!
Not Hist'ry repeating--
but History stuck on "Replay"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/19/2017:
Gee, without regularly keeping up on the news, you'd never know that telemarketers have the "all clear" to assault cell phone numbers now, would you?... Bastards… Sorry, that's not very kind to the run-of-the-mill bastards out there…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 2/20/2017:
It's Presidents' Day! In hearts, keepin'
likes Washington, Lincoln--praise heapin'!
Yet our Presidents,
over time, have went…
Well, guess with time, everything cheapens!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/20/2017:
Happy Extra Cheezy Presidents' Day!...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 2/21/2017:
Know artist, agent did beseech,
he keep in mind Facebook's great reach
and watch his expressin'!
Is this 'nother lesson
in how 'Net's great thing for Free Speech?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/21/2017:
Some among the Selfie Media Peanut Gallery--those of the persuasion missing the previous Presidential Administration--are itchin' to recruit MICHELLE Obama to run for President.

Hmmm.

So, having the WIFE of a former President run… Not exactly the finest of think-tanks, this selfie media stuff...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 2/22/2017:
For cookies, most go soft and chewy!
Quite tasty, but oft times eschew, me,
for type hard and crunchy--
like Gram's care-pack munchies--
avoiding snack partisan hooey!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/22/2017:
Warning to any novices from a decorated buffet veteran--

Guacamole and wasabi are often indistinguishable by sight…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 2/23/2017:
With all eyes now turned Head of State-ward,
unwatched go local legislators!
They're circling crook wagons
for, as we fight dragon,
a field day is had by the gators!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/23/2017:
It has come to our attention that a politician in Italy has formed a Trump Party.

Geez, you'd think the guy'd hold off at least until we've, er…he hee…Made American Great Again...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 2/24/2017:
Junk mail, spam, phone shills--evil axis!
With cells now fair game, folks, the fact is,
pointless to resist!
Junk's added to list
of sure things, 'longside death and taxes!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/24/2017:
So, this Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue?

We're wondering, though we can't imagine why any publication would do this, if perhaps they're TRYING to put a curb on sales?

Slacker marketing department, or some such? We're at a lost, but gotta call 'em as we see 'em…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 2/25/2017:
Two birds who used phone lines as tethers
'came mates--'fact, always were together!
Not just birds so link--
those same feather-kinked
do tend, it seems, to flock to leather!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/25/2017:
The iPhone will soon feature the ability to take a 3D selfie.

What we now have, folks--and it seems, unfortunately, hopeless to fight it--is "selfie pollution"…

Check out Chief Limericist John "Sloop" Biederman new Gonzo e-short on his Smashwords account, "The Night I Partied with President Trump: An Alt-True Story"! Ninety-nine cents--cheap! (In addition to a free preview of his new sci-fi novel/series, "The Cosmic Misadventures of Floyd Pinkerton," and more!)--

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/706133

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 2/26/2017:
On Facebook, some are banging gong--
MICHELLE, 2018, go long?
So, bring party life
with pop pres'dent's wife?
Oh, what could possibly go wrong?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/26/2017:
With the campaign for the Democratic Presidential nomination of Bernie Sanders, a lot of talk erupted about Socialism. With much of Sanders' support coming from the so-called Millennials, earlier generations were quick to point out Bernie's dabbling with the idea of Socialism, often seen as a version of Communism--America's great enemy for many decades.

And now, a little slice-of life from our Chief Limericist (checkin in, here).

Picked a new doctor through new insurance this year. Went to see doctor; awaited results. Was told I'd be called only if there were any issues. (There was one small one.) Received a call about these results--no message left by caller, unidentifiable number (not matching that for the doc I entered into my "Contacts" for such purpose). Received e-mail, through automated Web system, logged-in, etc., finally obtained results.

A week or so later, was also called regarding these results--an actual person, taking actual billable time, with this one. (Though, again, an unidentifiable number--I daringly picked-up this time.)

Yet another week later, as a middle finger to the "paperless society," received a physical printout, in the mail, costing postage of course, with the same exact information already received online and via phone call.

So, see kids, government-sponsored healthcare (a form of Socialism/Communism) is an inherently evil thing because our current system of Capitalism forces these healthcare providers to…ahem…er…be as efficient as possible?...

Check out Chief Limericist John "Sloop" Biederman new Gonzo e-short on his Smashwords account, "The Night I Partied with President Trump: An Alt-True Story"! Ninety-nine cents--cheap! (In addition to a free preview of his new sci-fi novel/series, "The Cosmic Misadventures of Floyd Pinkerton," and more!)--

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/706133

******

DAILY LIMERICK 2/27/2017:
In Italy, pol followed yen
and started Trump Party. It's been
week! Think wait, would he,
'til… (Ha ha, haw hee)…
America's "made great" again!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/27/2017:
So was that an awards show last night--or an anti-Trump rally?

(P.S. We wrote today's entry before the Academy Awards took place)...

Check out Chief Limericist John "Sloop" Biederman new Gonzo e-short on his Smashwords account, "The Night I Partied with President Trump: An Alt-True Story"! Ninety-nine cents--cheap! (In addition to a free preview of his new sci-fi novel/series, "The Cosmic Misadventures of Floyd Pinkerton," and more!)--

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/706133

******

DAILY LIMERICK 2/28/2017:
Though sure don't see it as "can't miss," do
check out when can--and oft need tissue!
But now, t'ward us pervs be
all P.C.--goin' "curvy"?
Could say I've SI Swimsuit Issues!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 2/28/2017:
Overheard a couple average Joe types on the bus recently, discussing how they liked Fuhrer Trump, mostly because he "says what he's thinking."

Yes, it's important to hold the Leader of the Free World to high standards. But… Ahem.

Our fear here is that Trump's rampant unpopularity is actually making him…more popular?

A backlash-backlash? Reverse backlash? Backlash squared?...

Check out Chief Limericist John "Sloop" Biederman new Gonzo e-short on his Smashwords account, "The Night I Partied with President Trump: An Alt-True Story"! Ninety-nine cents--cheap! (In addition to a free preview of his new sci-fi novel/series, "The Cosmic Misadventures of Floyd Pinkerton," and more!)--

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/706133