Daily Limerick
May contain immature content; if you're a minor, go away!
(c)1999-2017 John "Sloop" Biederman
E-mail us here--
missives@dailylimerick.net
Archives: June 2017
DAILY LIMERICK 6/1/2017:
Pol'tics gone "real" TV--what mess! Thing's
what was, at first, merely a jest brings
election, Montana,
Body Slam-o-Rama?
Great, now gov'ment's also pro "wrestling"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/1/2017:
Spied a news reference to something called Ethereum--a "competitor" to (he hee) Bitcoin.

But thinking on it, this seemed amusingly entertaining because… Well, same day, caught a mention of Ripple--yet another "competitor" to (snicker) Bitcoin?

Which stopped the amusement and entertainment cold.

See, it's like this… When you take a fantastically mythic being like, say, King Kong, and pit him against another, ala "King Kong Vs. Godzilla," it's entertaining.

But when you throw in a third, or more, ala "Frankenstein Vs. the Wolf Man," which also tossed in Dracula… Well, you're just getting silly…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/2/2017:
So Google, on its phones, played cop--did freeze
out "spying apps"! To them, put stop! Well, gee…
Those apps? Must refuse! They're
spying on its users?
See, that's one of GOOGLE'S monopolies!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/2/2017:
Facebook has apologized for banning the profile pic of a member, who supports Democratic reforms in China, which bore symbolic reference to the historic Tiananmen Square protest.

See, Facebook is walking a fine line here, on one hand pretending to be…er, being progressive and on the other hand… Well, the selfie media behemoth is currently banned in China.

Lotta money to be made there.

So just who the hell does Facebook think it is…er, Facebook?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/3/2017:
Guy saw girl on bus, made him drool,
so played a game of pocket pool!
When caught by the dame,
asked her to join game--
so she racked 'em up for the fool!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/3/2017:
So, what's the celebrity (or "celebrity") level BELOW D-List?...

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 6/4/2017:
Stoke arms race? Build wall? What brain farters!
Deny climate change? That's brain sharter!
On board, though, goal, Europe trip
as, from adviser's lips--
big need for Trump to "get smarter"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/4/2017:
Though relatively recent, time-wise, if older, the way things, move, tech-wise, a great innovation in electronic typing will make its debut in the political arena, specifically of the presidential variety, around the year 2020--

Utilizing the option to "undo"…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/5/2017:
Take two mythic beasts, in fight, join--
no rules, dirty, cheap-shotting groin!
Though cheezy, a thrilla'--
King Kong v. Godzilla,
Ethereum versus Bitcoin…

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/5/2017:
In times like these, we really fear for our endangered species.

In particular, there's one creature we're specifically worried about--

The moderate Republican…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/6/2017:
Facebook profile pic was torn off! Its
symbol at Chinese gov'ment scoffed! Hits
expansion for them, see?
They "Care 'bout your mem'ries"--
but not as much as 'bout their profits!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/6/2017:
In the aftermath of the British London Bridge attack, our president… Sorry. Still can do it.

Anyway, amid all the condolences from other nations, T-Rump… Rips into London Mayor Sadiq Khan?

It gets more…er, darkly ridiculous, guess you'd say. The Prick-in-Chief ripped into the guy for saying that we're gonna have to learn to live with terrorist attacks.

Set aside the fact that focusing on T-Rump's words is ridiculous in itself, considering the pea-brain is so Twit-addled at this point that he's incapable of thinking before speaking. Or that the main reason he rips Khan is because the guy's Muslim.

This War on Terror thing is, ala the War on Poverty or the War on Drugs, without a winner or a conclusion. So what Khan said was really… Perhaps there's a better way to phrase this.

Khan's made himself an enemy in T-Rump's favorite, (thankfully) unwinable battle--the War on Truth…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/7/2017:
Bulk cooking day! Starts with the morn blur!
Pots, pans, 'tensils, kitchen adorn! Stir
in this, that, to find
lack pan/stove space, time…
You've cooked yourself into a corner!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/7/2017:
Don't tell us we're now supposed to refer to it as "Freedom chocolate cake"…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/8/2017:
That ill-thought-out ploy to "resist"
brought backlash as cease-and-desist!
Career now disheveled,
the question's what level
one sinks down to from the "D-List"?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/8/2017:
Considering that our Fuhrer, in most every other way, shows the maturity and composure of a 10-year-old… Well, he hasn't pulled on the guy's hair yet, but we're starting to think T-Rump's actually gay for Obama… Can't shut up about the guy, in any event…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/9/2017:
Though not given much ballyhoo,
was time-saving, Tech Age breakthrough!
Post this term, will solve,
from keyboard, evolve…
Into Presidential "Undo"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/9/2017:
Happy Extra Cheezy Sixty-Nine Day!... (Big Holiday here at Daily Limerick…if nowhere else…)

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/10/2017:
With "holiday," Six-Nine, at end,
today does continue the trend--
post suckin' and lickin'
(perhaps stickin' dick in)…
Rest, smoke, order 'za--Sixty-Ten!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/10/2017:
Was reading about professional troll Jeffrey Lord blaming Ariana Grande for the terrorist attack at her concert and… Hold on.

"Professional troll"?

Sheesh. It's a real bitch these days for a writer to make a living, but we're not sure if this is any more dignified than other options, like, say…prostitution?...

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 6/11/2017:
Endangered species, pole to pole,
sized from whale to smaller than mole!
But one o'er, most worried,
ain't beast cute or furry--
but mod'rate Republican pol!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/11/2017:
With all of Trump's criticism of the British response to that London Bridge terror attack, at least give him credit for walking the walk to back up the talk, since his budget proposal calls for…cutting states' and cities' anti-terror funding?

Then again, we're not sure ANY form of action could be louder than THAT particular mouth...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/12/2017:
From lead voice of "Not born here" crock,
through 'lection, win--five months, still knocks!
Like playground boy, pulling hair,
protest too much--means cares?
Could Trump be gay for Barack?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/12/2017:
One plus foretold with the upcoming fair-to-middling-ly anticipated release of Apple's iOS 11 will be a downgrade of the inherent importance of selfie media titans Facebook and Twitter.

Little things like, oh, striking the automatic log-ins to those platforms when needed for other apps, etc.

As long as somebody's finally taking aim at the Digital Robber Barons, we wish they'd knock Google the hell outta preferred search engine Safari status and all, too, but… Baby steps.

Okay, more infant crawls. But at last the latest big iOS update will focus on SOMETHING other than improved selfies this time around…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/13/2017:
Make dough writing, these days? Solution
requires clever schemes' execution!
Read of Jeffrey Lord, extolled
as "professional…troll"?
MAYBE that beats prostitution!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/13/2017:
Business Insider headline--

"Robots are Coming for Our Jobs But Deloitt's COO Doesn't Think It's Too Scary"

Of COURSE it's not too scary. To him.

Don't think COO's real high on the list of the coming Technological Employment Doomsday…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/14/2017:
In fallout from Europe trip's wake,
though don't think they got a fair shake,
need we all now start,
with old label part,
calling it "Freedom chocolate cake"?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/14/2017:
Like many, perhaps all, I seek certain traits in the individual snacks comprising my arsenal.

Certain flavors, with cheeze given top priority, textures, brands, new and worthy lines from proven brands and, yes, as I grow longer in the tooth, gotta admit that healthiness now sometimes, if not always, enters the equation.

But a snack can embody all positives sought through the above-given traits and STILL find me passing it up in the grocery aisles.

Lack of a bargain-size offering.

I'll admit, a snack lacking one has, does and will lure me in. But never for more than a one-night stand…er, one-bag/box stand.

And, really, that's my whole point…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/15/2017:
Mr. "Tough on Terror--Big Guns"
would cut anti-terror, states' funds?
The odd thing about this?
Put money where mouth is?
Near that gaping maw, money runs!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/15/2017:
So Mitt Romney is reportedly considering a return to politics.

You know, given recent events, it may very well seem that ANYBODY can be elected now but, well, that's not 100 percent true...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/16/2017:
Ripped may'r o'er words, timing uncouth!
Now part of life--makes sense, forsooth…
On terror, as other "wars"--
drugs, pov'ty--metaphors!
Can't win--like Trump's War on Truth!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/16/2017:
Now, we here at Daily Limerick are big fans of breaking down partisan walls.

But a cowardly shoot-'em-up by a nutjob who's…left-wing?

Not exactly what we're envisioning here…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/17/2017:
Not type who with women does choose
to grovel--the pedestal, lose…
But do elevate 'em,
at least when I mate 'em
way high up onto platform…shoes!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/17/2017:
In the wake of the Virginia shooting, Republican congressman Steve King is blaming… Former President Obama?

See, King says Obama fostered partisan fighting and… Hmm.

Is Trump's "protest too much" gay love for the guy now contagious somehow?...

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 6/18/2017:
News bringing execs' quotes with gist,
"Don't fear robots taking jobs!" This
from One Percent, top employed?
Great Robot Jobs Destroy
don't even have theirs on List!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/18/2017:
Happy Extra Cheezy Father's Day, to all who are (unlike some of us here at DL) absolutely sure that they are, indeed, fathers!…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/19/2017:
Mitt Romney engaged some reflection--
might come back--threw hat in, election?
Sure, new age, we're in one--
ANYONE can win one…
But, Mitt, dude, there are SOME exceptions!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/19/2017:
Noticed all sorts of ads lately seizing upon fears with phrases like, "In Uncertain Times…"?

Gotta give the hacks credit.

They sure can turn ANYTHING into a shill…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/20/2017:
This "Us versus Them" crap needs booting!
For bipartisanship, I'm rooting
but, in Left-Right Bubble days,
post-News death, plays this way--
common ground through LEFT-wing shootings?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/20/2017:
Happy Extra Cheezy Summer 2017! (Kicking in 11:24 p.m. CST)…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/21/2017:
Snack stash mixes faves and new buys,
which, to enter routine, must rise
and meet certain traits--
salt, stay'n pow'r, taste great--
and sure helps if come bargain-sized!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/21/2017:
With the purchase of Whole Foods now bringing its sphere of control into our Wednesday "Food" theme… We'll start practicing this early--

"We pledge allegiance to…Amazon"…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/22/2017:
Post congressman shooting, facts logged,
Rep. King blames…Obama? Dubs cog
in partisan hate--big part?
When a GOP farts 
he blames Obama 'fore dog!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/22/2017:
Actress Claire Holt on her film, "47 Meters Down"--

"I don't even know if I'd classify this as a 'shark film'…"

Got news for ya', Ms. Holt…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/23/2017:
Good, bad; with, without reason/rhyme,
ad sharks spin it to make that dime!
So we see today,
now fear-shill cliché,
hack lead, "In these uncertain times…"

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/23/2017:
From books, now to groceries via Whole Foods, with all sorts of other arenas between and, soon, we're guessin', everything… Amazon is the perfect example of exactly WHY we even HAVE anti-trust laws.

But, with the Digital Robber Baron's bipartisan funding trough, plus the public's zeal for low low LOWER prices, and the fact that nary a finger has been lifted to stop 'em--in fact, the government went after freakin' APPLE when it challenged them… Don't expect much to be done about this frightening situation.

Which also makes Amazon the perfect example of exactly why our anti-trust laws are completely and utterly meaningless…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/24/2017:
A fine, squeaky voiced girl, to Sloop,
required jumping through many hoops!
But spend lots of moola
and through hoops, you'd hula--
bada bing, bada Betty Boop!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/24/2017:
Ohio is the Poland of America.

Think on that for a bit…

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 6/25/2017:
Birthday, Clarence Thomas? Made 'ware of the
fact perm. Senate record's now bearing a
film ref, thanks to his lot,
to "Long Dong Silver"! Not
fave justice, but God Bless America!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/25/2017:
Regarding Humanity's future which, long term, would have to include space colonization, I'm…mixed, have to say.

Chief Limericist checking in, here.

Even if we do accomplish the first step of that process, I imagine there to emerge another phase of Evolution. That is, across the Universe, intelligent races evolve to also enter space colonization but, as with Earth evolution, not every species will make it to whatever level is next, after which there's yet another level… Etc.

I've mentioned before that a part of me has utmost faith in Humanity…at least by default. Folks have been crying "World's coming to an end" virtually since the dawn of civilization. And they've often had solid evidence to back that belief but, alas, we're still here.

So a part of me believes this will extend into space.

But another equal part of me believes… Well, especially in light of the way things have shaken out so far this century, I start thinking about the dodo bird…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/26/2017:
Anti-trust laws lesson, to wit--
with Amazon, two truths are hit…
Monop'ly's why laws exist,
but pay pols, so here's twist…
Thus reason these laws mean shit!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/26/2017:
Gonna see a lot of headlines now about Amazon vs. Walmart.

Kinda like a Super Bowl--no idea whom to root for.

Except, in this case, for consumers, long-term, it's what could be called a "lose-lose situation"…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/27/2017:
Though don't mean to be pigeonholin',
those from certain state, how they roll's, in
own lil' worlds, 'least those I've known!
Joke seeds from, can be sown--
Ohio's U.S.' Poland!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/27/2017:
New Hampshire Republicans somehow accidentally passed a bill allowing pregnant women to kill people.

Actual human beings, okay--as long as it's not a mass of partially developed cells in her womb… (And from there, Heaven forbid, sperm!)…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/28/2017:
Whole groc'ry industry Shazzamed upon,
your Daily Bread now, price, choice, plans are on
robber baron's pop'lar'ty,
conq'ring monopoly…
Start pledging 'legiance to… Amazon!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/28/2017:
Despite public outcry and some waffling on organizers' part, the Dog Meat Festival in Yulin, China, went forth as planned on June 21.

No need to fear any increases in Taco Bell prices…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/29/2017:
Wrecked planet's just one of our no-no's,
but my hope for Humankind's yo-yo--
we're still here as race
but, if we to space
evolve, wonder if we'll play dodo!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/29/2017:
Freedom…converted to slavery.

Society's big on this switcheroo.

Decades ago, women made enough strides in their struggle for equality to embark on careers at the same time as raising families so that today…most find it difficult owning homes, etc., without two incomes.

The cell phone was invented and people were finally free to check in with friends and even work while vacationing I faraway lands so that today…don't even THINK of vacationing while forgetting your employer.

Selfie media came along and writers were free to publicize themselves and works if they wanted, if self-published or with small presses, so that today… You're not a writer, pal. You're a publicist who writes when those duties allow the time for it.

Progress, regress, potato, po-tah-to…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 6/30/2017:
A phrase, these days common in news--
"Walmart v. Amazon." Ruse.
Low prices, begins;
long-term, no win-win--
Monopoly Games bring "lose-lose"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/30/2017:
The Supreme Court's decision to sorta, kind, maybe allow some of Trump's Bigot Ban on travel is being hailed by many sources as his biggest victory yet.

But it's not.

Funny thing is, his true Biggest Victory is in fact largely fed by those anti-Trump politically, and his foes of truth in the Media and, really, all things considered, it kinda has to be that way.

So what, Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers may ask, IS Trump's Biggest Victory so far? It is, as the cliché goes, staring us all in the face. Ask yourself, what, out of all the things the guy wants to achieve, is the absolute most important? In fact one goal that, lacking hope of achievement, would send the guy packing up his stuff and moving out of the White House? The whole reason he even ran for president to begin with?

Good, bad--doesn't matter. The news and populace is focusing near total attention on T-Rump…