Daily Limerick
May contain immature content; if you're a minor, go away!
(c)1999-2017 John "Sloop" Biederman
E-mail us here--
missives@dailylimerick.net
Archives: November 2017
DAILY LIMERICK 11/1/2017:
It started as kid, with a dare--
ate pet food! These days, just seems fair
to taste what I'm feeding cat!
Big food guy, so there's that…
Good practice, too, for TrumpCare!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/1/2017:
I often buy packages of frozen White Castle hamburgers in the grocery store.

For those not in the know, a fast-food joint known for these tiny little burgers known as "sliders."

These sliders have a certain…digestive reputation, we'll say?

My cat Flo mooches pieces of slider meat when I eat 'em. What can I say? I'm a softie.

But I'm here to report that sliders have the same general effect on cats as they do on humans…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 11/2/2017:
First trans' spread, Playboy adorned?
(It's still 'round, though death, long 'go mourned!)
Big change? Same old song!
Its models, all 'long,
ain't known for bodies with which born!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/2/2017:
Headline--

"America Doesn't Trust Facebook"

Birds are singing, sun is shining!… Much needed dose of strong Hope in an age where we're rapidly losing such Hope for the Human Race every time we check the news…

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DAILY LIMERICK 11/3/2017:
Trump's "science" toads could use spin diction!
Claims like, "'Vironment don't need fixin'"?
Say they're doin' part
for creative arts--
now focusing on "science fiction"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/3/2017:
So now we're seeing references to "Generation Z"? Along with the annoying "Millennials" and "Generation Y" and… Okay, namers of things? We're on "Z."

So what the hell comes next? "Generation @?" "Generation.com?" "Generation &*$!?"…

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DAILY LIMERICK 11/4/2017:
For my art, I keep on inviting
nude models, but, so far, none biting!
Hey--bon' fide creation
occ. qualification
for my masterpiece works of…writing!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/4/2017:
A little late on this one, but just realized… Never thought we'd ever see bandwagon fans…for the freakin' Chicago Cubs…

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

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SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 11/5/2017:
Term "alt-"right just lends cred to Klans,
's'if hate's some political stand!
Mix, apples and oranges,
ala, "Not in porn biz,
he's just 'alt-Presbyterian'"?!?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/5/2017:
So, at one of these white supremacist, white nationalist, whatever you wanna call 'em rallies, a white woman was punched by one of the drooling, brain dead guys involved for dating a black man.

So not only are these cretins "all men are created equal" traitors, but some of 'em are woman beaters, to boot.

Just goes to show ya' that, while two wrongs don't make a right…two wrongs make an "alt"-right…

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DAILY LIMERICK 11/6/2017:
Now Amazon smart locks appear!
Let in home--low, LOW prices dear!
So ALL they'll monopolize!
Books in red? They still prize?
Nope, nothing sinister here!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/6/2017:
Chief Limericist checking in, here.

Attempting to get rid of some old stuff around the place via Craig's List… Two would-be buyers blew me off--in one day!

If I wanted this treatment, I'd use their online dating categories!...

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DAILY LIMERICK 11/7/2017:
Some comedy shows fit a mold--
on weekly themes, laughter unfolds!
One, relevance brimmin's
theme's "Vi'lence 'gainst women?"
Man, talk about Comedy Gold!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/7/2017:
We're declaring December to henceforth also be known as National Perform Open-Heart Surgery Month!

What? Just jumping on the trend here, what with November now National Novel Writing Month, as if that's just some endeavor any old schmuck should be encouraged to do…

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DAILY LIMERICK 11/8/2017:
White Castles bring digestive prat-
falls! Like most, I wear softie hat
faced with begging pet;
eat Castles; Flo gets!
Can vouch--they've same effect on cats!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/8/2017:
The Doors song, "Back Door Man," is about a man who does quite well with the ladies. Specifically ladies belonging to other men, in this case.

There's a saying couched in the lyrics describing such prowess, prowess desirable to a guy like myself. Well, not the part about OTHER guys' ladies, but the main gist.

Getting older, forced into healthier lifestyle, I can at least say I'm LITERALLY following the saying. Now workin' to metaphorically "Eat more chicken than a man ever seen"…

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DAILY LIMERICK 11/9/2017:
For so long, 'mong Chi teams, been laggin'…
From Lovable Losers to braggin'?
Fabric, real'ty twists!
Never thought we'd see this--
The CUBS actu'lly have bandwagon?!?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/9/2017:
So Disney, a leader among American as Apple Pie corporations, has blocked the L.A. Times from covering it, after some negative things said by the Times about the literal Mickey Mouse operation.

Posing all patriotic while employing totalitarian means?

Who the hell does Disney think it is? Donald Trump?...

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DAILY LIMERICK 11/10/2017:
'Mid ad cash lust, noosed its own rope!
Do folks still trust Facebook? Polls--"Nope!"
As optimist wannabe,
these days, faith flagging see,
for Human Race, renews Hope!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/10/2017:
Carefully, and frightfully watching this Artificial Intelligence stuff unfold, it strikes us that, while we've seen some little things about using AI to fight disease, bolster Internet security, etc., it mostly seems to be about… Well, kinda what most of the whole damned Internet is evolving to be about, especially with the shakiness of Net Neutrality's future.

One thing you can say about our Internet Dark Ages that's a, er, sorta plus over the Middle Ages version is that at least ONE area of human society and culture is enjoying a renaissance--

Exploration of new ways to sell folks crap…

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DAILY LIMERICK 11/11/2017:
There was a young man named Cornpone! He
was horny, but painfully lonely!
He entered a club,
fly down, powdered chub,
'cause sign on door read, "Members Only"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/11/2017:
Headline--

"How an American Family Escaped From Amazon Pirates"

Er, headline writers?

Kinda have to specify, in this day and age, that you're talking about a river here.

Pirates, robber barons…potato, po-tah-to…

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 11/12/2017:
March, missing link "nazis," sought fight!
Beat chick, dating black man, who's white?
Both race moron der'licts
AND cowards who beat chicks?
Could say two wrongs make an "(alt-)right"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/12/2017:
So Philippines President Rodrigo Duarte now claims that, as a teen, he killed someone.

Wow. We've been thinking of the Philippines' democracy as more of a "democracy," but it's more like the U.S. than we realized--they even have their own Ben Carson!...

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DAILY LIMERICK 11/13/2017:
To lose furniture, made connection--
Craig's List! Day, two slots, made selection…
Day came--by both, stood-
up! Wanted THAT would
have used its online dating section!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/13/2017:
Thousands of Polish, white nationalists hit the streets of Warsaw to… Smell a joke coming here?

Something like, "How many American white nationalists does it take to…" Hold on.

Actually, that IS the better joke fodder now...

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DAILY LIMERICK 11/14/2017:
November's, month-naming craze stunt's,
one tag, to the curb, we must punt!
Write novels? All clods
can? Why not give nod,
"Conduct Open-Heart Surg'ry Month"?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/14/2017:
Kudos to the company My Heritage DNA for selling their kits with a, believe it or not… Thanksgiving sale?

Kinda tend to forget about the holiday, what with all the focus on the abomination/non-holiday "Black Friday" crap.

Never thought we'd call a Web ad "refreshing," but, sure as hell is…

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DAILY LIMERICK 11/15/2017:
The phrase in the Doors lyric means
something else! Age, health turns meals lean,
so, metaphor, working t'ward,
but lit'rally, "Eat more
chicken than man's ever seen"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/15/2017:
Not long ago, when I needed something like, say, a gallon of milk, but didn't want to make a full grocery haul, I could hit the convenience store across the street, originally a White Hen, eventually a 7-11, now soon to be another freakin' bank branch.

A Mariano's opened in a hideous, eyesore complex around the corner about a year ago, but I could at least use it as a convenience store, I figured.

Was a little off in my figuring.

See, it's one of those two-level compounds with a wine bar and a café and a flower shop and… I have to walk the equivalent of a few blocks for my milk now, including a trip up an escalator and a checkout wait behind full-on grocery load shoppers.

More an "inconvenience store"…

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DAILY LIMERICK 11/16/2017:
Keep up, AI news, what's on tap?
Seems main goal--devices, sites, apps--
ain't medicine, space frontier,
climate fix… No, appears,
new, better ways to sell crap!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/16/2017:
Saw a story about a show called "Rehab Addict" and… Well, turned out it was about the REMODELING type of rehab.

Sure you can understand our confusion, what with the "efficiency" of the scam…er, treatment.

Big Rehab's a bit like potato chips--nobody can go just once!...

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DAILY LIMERICK 11/17/2017:
In Poland, white supremacists
marched! Sorry, but, joke, can't resist!
A Polish joke? There's plenty!
In Trump Age! "How many
U.S. white nationalists...?"

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/17/2017:
So France may be making the legal age of consent 13-years-old.

Who the hell do France's legislators think they are--Alabama Republicans?...

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DAILY LIMERICK 11/18/2017:
This pilgrim named Plymouth? World rocked
by fine squaw he pictured defrocked!
To steal kiss, did dare he!
Lightly brushed "cranberries"…
She soon landed on Plymouth Cock!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/18/2017:
Apparently a company making "sleep earbuds" has designed technology to filter out all noises--even snoring and sleeping dogs!

To those others negotiating city sidewalks… Unfortunately, believe it or not, the Mass Zombification has only just begun…

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

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SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 11/19/2017:
Ad, holiday sale, sure made my day!
Obscure one, sure--not the Big Buy Day--
but of praise, Life, Living!
A thing called…Thanksgiving?
NOT abomination, Black Friday!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/19/2017:
The Food and Drug Administration has just approved its first digital pill.

Why not set up a "smart bloodstream"? It's not like newer such technology, "smart refrigerators," "vibrators," you-name-it has seen any corporate or government abuse and… Hmmm.

Hmmmmmmmmm…

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DAILY LIMERICK 11/20/2017:
Read show's name and, with, mind did run--
"Rehab Addict"? Real low-down stunned!
'Bout HOME rehabs? Not scam, bane
Big Treatment gravy train!
(Like chips, no one has just one!)

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/20/2017:
So the NFL has quite ingeniously tackled the whole anthem kneeling flap.

Its went out of its way to support players' right of expression, at the same time its blathered out the same pap about supporting troops and indulged the general apples-oranges mutation of an uncomfortable, real issue magically into a "supporting the troops" issue.

How has it done this? By not showing players during the anthem!

So, if an expression occurs on a non-televised playing field with most of a nation unable to witness the expression…

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DAILY LIMERICK 11/21/2017:
French bill'd change consent age--mere lambs!--ta'--
thirteen! Robbing Cradle-O-Rama?
Just who, with this bar,
do French think they are--
Republicans in Alabama?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/21/2017:
Recent events necessitate this disclaimer--

No women or girls, interns or otherwise, were harassed, assaulted, etc. in the making of these Limericks…

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DAILY LIMERICK 11/22/2017:
Block's 7-11's no more!
Mariano's opened next door…
Grab, say milk? Damned compound!
Go up floor, lines work 'round…
It's a damned in-convenience store!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/22/2017:
After a long ago attempt at improvising some Indian-style lamb that went terribly, horribly wrong, I 'Net searched up a recipe for my favorite dish, lamb vindaloo, recently.

This was a complex process, entailing blender and grinder use, plus multiple bowls, just to prepare the overnight marinade.

On the day of the actual cooking, post-marinade, I was excited as all hell. The marinade smelled SO good--and so much like the vindaloos I've savored in restaurants. But when the dish was finished… Well, much better than my previous attempt at Indian, but ridiculously runny. Like a soup, when it was supposed to be a mere saucy, curry kinda thing.

I was puzzled. But soon after eating the first helping--hey, it was good enough to follow my bulk cooking, reheat for days bachelor grind--I discerned the problem.

The recipe called for "1-2 cup water," which was supposed to indicate what would more sensibly be written as "1/2 cup water."

Now, I've encountered all sorts of causes for less than savory cooking efforts. Poor improvisation, picking a less than appropriate recipe source, overcooking, undercooking, forgetting a key ingredient, poor substitutes for ingredients… But this is the first time a chefing endeavor was foiled by what amounts to a typo…

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DAILY LIMERICK 11/23/2017:
Thanksgiving! To give thanks, its dilly!
With family, friends, time to chill thee!
Historic tradition
also brings a mission--
to stuff yourself full, raging silly!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/23/2017:
Happy Extra Cheezy Thanksgiving!...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 11/24/2017:
Though ain't no sheep by shill fest bilked,
my Black Friday's worked smooth as silk!
Hide from fam'ly, kin
and shut myself in--
don't buy nary gallon of milk!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/24/2017:
Gentlemen, and ladies, you can now… Start your Christmas Engines!

We don't give a shit what the retailers, commercial makers, etc., et. al. have been blasphemously pushing, but the Season starts NOW!...

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DAILY LIMERICK 11/25/2017:
All clear from FDA above--
down throat, digital pills can shove!
We don't fear Big Brother--
in fact, fits our druthers!
Engaging Big Brotherly love!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/25/2017:
Early into the abomination, a Black Friday mall shooting occurred. Apparently, only involving injury, not death.

Figures. Even the NRA's in on Black Friday now…

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

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SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 11/26/2017:
Librarian, as Burl read bard,
he noted bun, glasses faux marred
bright eyes, full lips pout,
thus he checked her out
in two ways--and she punched his card!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/26/2017:
Wow.

We actually forgot to do the traditional (aka dirty) Limerick for yesterday's Saturday edition!

Hence today's!...

So Happy Extra Cheezy SUNDAY!...

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DAILY LIMERICK 11/27/2017:
Thanksgiving shunned, 'cross USA;
replaced by this damned Black Friday!
Mall shooting, this year, 'pon it,
proves all are in on it--
even the damned NRA!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/27/2017:
So, Trump claiming he "refused" Time's "Man of the Year" honors?

T-Rump actually thinks news needs to give its "okay" before becoming news?

This is what happens with a president who gets his "news" from Fox News...

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DAILY LIMERICK 11/28/2017:
So NFL, gives the okay fer
anthem protests--then, for nay-sayers,
throws bone to that crew!
Has cake; eats it too!
For anthems, just doesn't SHOW players!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/28/2017:
So, this woman who mailed bombs to Obama and others?

We're surprised nobody's dubbed her the Obomber yet.

Anyhoo… They busted her due to finding cat hair among the evidence.

Pets solving criminal cases?

Life imitates "Perry Mason"?...

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DAILY LIMERICK 11/29/2017:
Long-time cook, got war stories! Type? Oh…
Muffed timings, foul improvs, "Whoops!" "Yipes!" whoas!
Text, recipe, vindaloo;
half-cup looked "1 to 2"…
First time dish foiled by a typo!

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SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/29/2017:
Guess when I'm at a loss for content with the Wednesday food-themed edition, you could call what I'm suffering from "writer's chopping block"…

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DAILY LIMERICK 11/30/2017:
At Hollywood, gov'ment, aghast!
Men's bad deeds o'er urge to tap ass!
This prompts our disclaimer--
assure that no dames were,
in writing of Lim'ricks, harassed!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 11/30/2017:
So this Mike Hughes doofus has cancelled his rocket launch that was to "prove the Earth is flat."

No need to worry about "Mad Mike." He's likely in the running for a Trump administration science post…