Daily Limerick
May contain immature content; if you're a minor, go away!
(c)1999-2017 John "Sloop" Biederman
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Archives: October 2017
SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 10/1/2017:
From injustice, protests took shape;
some hide eyes, use flag as a cape…
High profile--high five!
From unrest, Free thrive…
But 'member when sports brought escape?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/1/2017:
Apparently, this big NFL boycott, protesting the right of black people to complain about mistreatment… Er, that is, this protest of "dishonoring" (he hee) the flag and veterans and any quasi-related bullshit they can think up, will occur…on one day in November.

A Thursday. So, a boycott of Thursday Night Football--only one NFL game.

So these guys' strong (haw ha) principles aren't quite as strong as their football addiction, evidently…

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DAILY LIMERICK 10/2/2017:
Of spam, which our Tech Age has flung us,
get most schemes--how stupid are stung thus!
But one, see recurring,
much puzzlement's stirring--
who'd open one from "Dr. Fungus"?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/2/2017:
Regarding the whole National Anthem stand/kneel/etc. flap… The question we SHOULD be asking is--

Why the hell do we play the National Anthem at sporting events to begin with? Sure, it makes sense at something like the Olympics, but why, out of the entire entertainment industry--and that's what sports are, folks--are SPORTS, of all things, so Goddamned American or whatever?

All of these leagues are basically just CORPORATIONS. And corporations benefiting from special anti-trust exemptions from Congress and… Aha. Answered our own question…

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DAILY LIMERICK 10/3/2017:
This NFL anthem freak? Same
age-old ploy--divert and enflame!
Trump cultists announce boycott!
Show's what hold football's got…
Thursday night? One freakin' game?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/3/2017:
Spied a column in our news feed asking, "Will Trump Be Re-Elected?"

This piqued our curiosity, especially since it was from a Fox News reporter, so we read it. Well, skimmed it, anyway.

Its conclusion?

Could go either way.

Thanks, Fox News columnist.

Why'd the guy even bother, considering it's only 2017--and nobody predicted this last outcome even the day OF the damned 2016 election?

What the hell does news commentary think it is these days--weather forecasts?...

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DAILY LIMERICK 10/4/2017:
For monkey arms hanging 'round collar, can't
complain--healthy and no Big Dollar dance!
Odd, but, fact, not fiction--
powerful addiction!
Got one helluva hot sauce tolerance!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/4/2017:
Feel free and run with this brilliant business idea, anyone out there of relevance--

They make 'em with wheat, but why doesn't anybody make… RYE buns?...

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DAILY LIMERICK 10/5/2017:
Read Facebook does use as shill teacher
"location" access--best ad reachers!
Then logged-in… "Location 'on'
brings full features!" Anon
I'll keep path--pass on Zuck's "features"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/5/2017:
Headline--

"Sex Robot Molested at Electronics Festival"

While this may be, er, vandalism, of sorts, there's a temptation to call it a "victimless crime," considering… Well, a freakin' ROBOT would be, under, um, "normal" circumstances, the, er, "victim" here.

But there is, indeed, a "victim" here.

Humanity.

Our very future.

Not got mention any grip on the Hope we at DL are desperately trying to maintain these days…

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DAILY LIMERICK 10/6/2017:
An art installation, did see,
with climate change theme. 'Tendant, she
gave passersby postcards--
to one and all, pushed hard!
(Those postcards killed at LEAST one tree!)

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/6/2017:
We remember a time when cell phones were solely the province of the rich and/or important…or often people with a desperate need to APPEAR rich and/or important.

The the process civilized itself. Even many homeless had some form of cell.

Enter the new iPhone and…

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DAILY LIMERICK 10/7/2017:
Dude sought "Wow!" in costume, designer,
of vamp chick who couldn't be finer!
At him, with torch, did come her
for, two ways, he lumbered--
sporting full-on Frankensteiner!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/7/2017:
Pennsylvania GOP Congressman Tim Murphy, a member of the Pro-Life Caucus, is under fire after revelations came to light that he urged a mistress to receive an abortion.

Ahh… So refreshing to see some traditional, good ol' fashioned politician slimeballism in this day and age, no?...

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

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SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 10/8/2017:
First, anthem kneel let protests fly;
then protesting protests came by
flag-waivers. My quiz, t'wit--
WHY's it played? What is it
'bout SPORTS that's so damned apple pie?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/8/2017:
Sign on a used book store--

"75% Off All Used Books!"

Are there really people thinkin', "You know, I'd check out that used book store, but the damned things are so darned pricey"?...

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DAILY LIMERICK 10/9/2017:
When cell phones were new, from the get-go,
just for rich, important or set, those
faux VIP posing!
Joined masses, price low'red! Thing's
now new iPhone pricing's went retro!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/9/2017:
Read about an improv comedy show, running on themes, with this week's coming one to be "harassment and violence toward woman."

Comedy gold!...

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DAILY LIMERICK 10/10/2017:
Saw column "predicting"--what sass!--
Twenty-Twenty's Pres.? Dudes, just passed
election? Were clueless!
But still 'sist on doin' this?
Punditry's new weather forecasts!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/10/2017:
AOL has announced that… Huh? AOL? Still around?

Okay, Take Two… AOL has announced that it is killing off its Instant Messenger program and… AOL's Instant Messenger program? Really?… Ahem.

Fitting news for Halloween month. See, since apparently AOL was the only entity still THINKING its Instant Messenger was still alive, AOL IM must be…undead!...

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DAILY LIMERICK 10/11/2017:
Mass healthy bun options to try--
wheat, tater, whole, multi grain plied!
But why's some brand not
making for, say, brat
what'd seem to make sense--buns of rye?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/11/2017:
First, outrage arose when McDonald's stopped offering a Szechuan dipping sauce. So McDonald's announced they'd bring it back. People even waited in line for the stuff.

Next, outrage arose when McDonald's reportedly had only about 20 packets of this Szechuan sauce available at each involved location. So most of the people waiting in line missed out.

A little secret for these suffering folks--you could've obtained all the damned Szechuan sauce you wanted at a special place called…a freakin' GROCERY STORE!...

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DAILY LIMERICK 10/12/2017:
Congressman Murphy, GOP's
pro-life caucus point man--nabbed! Pleas
made to mistress to abort!
These days, brings strange comfort--
run-of-mill pol'tician sleaze!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/12/2017:
Twitter is working up a system whereby one can bookmark twits to read later.

Now, there are levels of longevity for different types of, er…um…"literature," we'll say, for complete and utter lack of a better term. Books can generally be saved indefinitely, magazines for years in best cases, newspapers maybe a week or so and twits… Well.

Bookmark a twit? They're somehow irrelevant...well, seconds before they're posted!...

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DAILY LIMERICK 10/13/2017:
A man hired assistant, between,
weekday, weekend, month Halloween!
Bared fangs--bit pal Georgie!
Breaked for witches orgies!
Was his girl Friday…the Thirteenth!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/13/2017:
Happy Extra Cheezy Friday the 13th!...

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DAILY LIMERICK 10/14/2017:
Man faced Halloween Spirits' wrath!
Ghosts haunted, near drowned in the bath!
How was Curse unfurled?
One wild night, did swirl…
See, pussy of black crossed his path!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/14/2017:
The question currently dogging pundits' minds is, as one source phrased it, "Is Donald Trump Becoming Unraveled?"

We see the point here but… Well, to use the same phrasing, was the guy ever "raveled" to begin with?...

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 10/15/2017:
Seventy-five percent off! Nice be!
But used book store? THAT should entice me?
Who's meant for this hook?
Someone thinks, "Used books
sound cool--but they're too Goddamned pricey"?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/15/2017:
Saw some new Comedy Central show--like all new Comedy Central shows probably destined to tank--and, my, was it spicy! Threesomes and psychedelic mushrooms and, woah, Nelly!

But they bleep the "naughty" words.

We'll just let speak for itself…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/16/2017:
'Lectronics fest, creeps stole a taste
of sex robot's wares? Dudes, how base!
Sad sign of our times,
but victimless crime?
There's victim--hope for Human Race!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/16/2017:
Pardon the political incorrectness--ain't OUR original term and it's still used with innocent intentions--but with these New Normal Octobers, what with the fake news of climate change, global warming, etc., for those of us looking forward to a little brisk in the air… Can we perhaps get a little Indian FALL?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/17/2017:
Long 'sumed gone; just 'ficially said--
AOL's IM's on deathbed?
Makes sense Fate was deemed
just post-Halloween!
Until then, "lives" on…like undead!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/17/2017:
The term came about to describe efforts with good intentions. Soon, however, those efforts became mostly about token intentions and the term took on negative qualities. In fact, recently, some began using the negatively tinged term to justify efforts squarely at odds with the original good intentions and… Ahem.

Recently witnessing an NFL analyst using the term to describe, not political off-field antics, but criticism of a team's toughness… Seriously, folks, the term "Political Correctness," along with "P.C." and all related forms, is now utterly useless…

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DAILY LIMERICK 10/18/2017:
Folks camped outside of McD's door--
Szechuan dip sauce ran out; craved more!
McD's STILL didn't have 'nuff!
Got fix here, might seem tough…
Have campers tried groc'ry store?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/18/2017:
Recently saw some relatives, second or third cousins or something, I hadn't seen in decades. They reminded me of an incident where, as a shaver, I ate hamster food on a dare.

This in turn reminded me of the fact that it wasn't an isolated incident. I was known for eating dog food, cat food, bird chow--you name it. Partly for attention, partly because I'm a big eater and partly out of curiosity.

In fact, I STILL do such things. Well, often, when I buy my cat a new brand of food, treats, etc., I'll sample one for the same reasons.

At this point in time, I'm glad I've gotten myself used to the idea of eating pet food. Sure, it's still uncertain--but it's good practice, in view of the possibility that my ObamaCare will soon be replaced with TrumpCare…

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DAILY LIMERICK 10/19/2017:
New feature on Twitter! Can give
twits bookmarks? Though writings do live
"shelf lives"--book longest, mags next,
then news… Twitter must flex
shelf life somehow negative!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/19/2017:
Much ballyhoo has erupted over the fact that the man almost certain to become Austria's next chancellor, Sebastian Kurz, will be the first Millennial to lead a major nation.

Of course, the cynical among us are making cracks about how he'll lead the nation as a self-entitled, immature jerk, constantly on selfie media, sounding off on the likes of Twitter rather than facing the press and world in more traditional, diplomatic ways… Unlike here in the United States, of course…

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DAILY LIMERICK 10/20/2017:
'Mid twits, tantrums, false claims and babble,
"-Un Word" used for the madness dabble?
"Unraveled" you say?
Makes sense word's in play--
but has the guy ever been "-raveled"?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/20/2017:
A candidate for Congress in Florida, Bettina Rodriguez Aguilera, claimed she had been abducted by tall, blond aliens when younger.

Hey. She's running as a Republican--really no nuttier than denying Climate Change or Evolution, so don't get what the big deal is here…

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DAILY LIMERICK 10/21/2017:
George joined cult with servants all ghouls, grue,
disguised as church--mask didn't fool; knew!
See, horny young Georgie
craved in on dark orgies
so he could fire off his Cthul-spoo!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/21/2017:
There's an app out now called The Sexiest App Ever that uses artificial intelligence to find and hide your dirty photos.

So… AI and on-grid has made privacy Soooo Last Century…but the solution is… An on-grid app?

Trying not to mull this using cliches, but…something about a wolf and a henhouse keeps coming to mind…

Happy Eldritchly Cheezy Saturday!...

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SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 10/22/2017:
Saw Comedy Central show! Fraught be
with threesomes, pot smoking--things bawdy!
From kids' eyes, 'way scarin'?
No! Don't worry, parents,
for they bleeped the WORDS that were naughty!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/22/2017:
Normally, we might not read, but would have our interest piqued, by a news feed headline reading--

"This is Sex"

However, with the byline as it was unwisely displayed… Well--

"This is Sex…with Lisa Ling"

We're in!...

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DAILY LIMERICK 10/23/2017:
Likely facing Nature's wrath wrought, comes
October warmth--summer temps fraught! Some
once hailed Ind'yan Summer!
Me? Crave fall--warmth's bummer!
I say bring on Indian Autumn!

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SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/23/2017:
We recently mused on how a certain term, "political correctness," like many such terms, has taken on so many different connotations over time that it has now become useless--in fact, often used in ways that have nothing to do with its original meaning.

We also mused recently on how racism has been mixed into so-called "politics" and, under certain monikers, masquerades as political philosophy, when it is in fact… Well, butt-stupid evil, really. Which has lead to the rendering of another…well, prefix also useless.

Let's just use an example here that assumes the latter to be useful--

"I'm really into threesomes. In fact, I'm kinda alt-Presbyterian that way"…

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DAILY LIMERICK 10/24/2017:
In Austria, elected they
first Millenn'yal world leader! Say
some he'll act self-entitled--
phone-rule, twit unbridled!
(Unlike our U.S. of A.!)

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/24/2017:
Quick reading tech headlines, we mistakenly read "wireless headphones" as "witless headphones."

Hmmm.

Maybe it wasn't entirely a mistake, after all…

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DAILY LIMERICK 10/25/2017:
Vacationing Joyce fell for man with pull--
voodoo shaman, non-understandable!
Yet spoke universal tongue--
ate her crotch, clit to bung…
Problem was, dude was a cannibal!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/25/2017:
Today's the day we begin All Halloween Limericks the Week Through Halloween!... So there you go. Tried to hit scary and food-related all in today's Limerick… Daily Limerick's regular Wednesday "Food" content will return after the holiday, next week…

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DAILY LIMERICK 10/26/2017:
Though, certainly, all mad as hatters,
needing human blood to grow fatter,
a racism's clear!
So, this time of year,
the movement we need's #DracLivesMatter!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/26/2017:
Playboy has reportedly featured its first transgender model.

Now, if anybody among the three or four guys still paying any attention to Playboy has a problem with this… Ahem.

It's not like Playboy models have been known for showcasing their natural, God-given lady bits throughout the mag's history…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 10/27/2017:
A mummy hit a monster bash
and busted a sick Monster Mash!
Appe-thighs-ers called,
bobbing for eyeballs…
But mostly went for monster gash!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/27/2017:
Some Amazon Prime customers in Florida received a package containing…marijuana.

Not what they ordered.

But, seriously, Amazon's pushing to monopolize EVERYTHING, so why not the illegal drug market? Hit men, illegal firearms--hell, why not throw illegal immigrants into boxes?...

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DAILY LIMERICK 10/28/2017:
As Frankenstein's Monster thought 'pon her--
his vampiress neighbor--grew fonder,
'til full kink unfurled!
'Came obsessed with swirl--
craved hot action, type, inter-monster!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/28/2017:
You know, given T-Rump's attitudes on stuff like global warming, you could call the tale of his administration "science fiction"…

Happy Praeternaturally Cheezy Saturday!...

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SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 10/29/2017:
With werewolf bite, fate bought reprieve, fer
lycanthropy mostly did leave her,
'cept, strangely, her poon'!
Could glimpse, with full moon,
if lucky, her curse--a werebeaver!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/29/2017:
Amazon is looking to institute a system of "smart locks" so that its delivery grunts can put packages right inside your home.

Hmmm.

So, the company looking to monopolize EVERYTHING--starting with books, that is INFORMATION, for which it is still darkly curiously taking a loss on, with life staples food and medications also already in the Evil Cooker--will be gaining access to your very home.

Low, low, LOW prices! Hooray? Right? Nothing sinister to see here, folks…

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DAILY LIMERICK 10/30/2017:
Warlock ghoul cult priest named McGaver
found frail cultist fair--had to have her!
Too soon, tolled her Bell!
So he cast a spell
beginning with, "Abra-Cadaver…"

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SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/30/2017:
I'm sure anybody who uses the news-feed feature on their electronic device can relate to this sentiment--

Seriously. We all now just assume that "Stephen Colbert Ripped Trump, Yadda Yadda, Blah Blah, [insert details here]"…

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DAILY LIMERICK 10/31/2017:
While most mark the Halloween scene,
each interprets just what scene means!
With air, nods to sin,
chicks dress roles, show skin…
I oft find that I cream my 'Weens!

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SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 10/31/2017:
Happy Terrifyingly Extra Cheezy Halloween!...