Daily Limerick
May contain immature content; if you're a minor, go away!
(c)1999-2018 John "Sloop" Biederman
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missives@dailylimerick.net
Archives: January 2018
DAILY LIMERICK 1/1/2018:
Happy New Year to one and all!
Now time to be un-decking halls,
segue blahs, cold, post-Holidays--
makes sense, one day okay,
'fact, encouraged to drop ball!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/1/2018:
Happy Extra Cheezy New Year 2018!...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 1/2/2018:
As Chinese say, "int'resting times"
for U.S.! Though get why some chime
they'll leave, not me! Though riled,
love homeland like own child…
in prison for hideous crimes!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/2/2018:
The Republican Reverse Robin Hood Tax Bill also contains a tax cut on alcoholic beverages.

A tax cut on a vice? Less money for an entrenched Gravy Train for politicians? This is unheard of!

Then again, booze isn't like, say, tobacco, where the effects of secondhand exposure is well proven by… Hmm.

Let's try that again.

The secondhand effects of alcohol are nowhere near the, um…er, threat of the sort proven from tobacco, since stuff like, oh, DUI and… Hmmm…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 1/3/2018:
Post-Holidays, Take Down Tree Mission's
depressing, so one year's decision?
Make chicken soup to curb blahs!
Next years--did, paused, did, paused…
Now wishy-washy "tradition"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/3/2018:
So, in finishing up the Holiday Season leftovers, finished eating the Dickensy goose I made one night… Next night, some turkey I was given from a friend's family's Holiday feast… Throw in, leading into this, amid the goose servings, the obligatory chicken nights to the mix and… Seems obvious, after the fact.

Should've somehow worked duck into there! Maybe pheasant or some other fowl, too.

I was dangerously close to inventing the turgoosen!...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 1/4/2018:
"Last Jedi" has some fans in tizzy--
e'en Hamill says its Luke not "his" be!
Folks wond'ring what happened?
Heed Slappin' and Yappin'--
explained all with just one word… Disney!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/4/2018:
So Fuehrer Trump's supporting the Iranian protestors?

Shhh! Nobody tell 'em that… Well, they're not white, thus certainly not white supremacists and, of course, not "good people"…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 1/5/2018:
All this tracking, 'bots and AI
should make itself useful… "This guy
ain't once, since rise of 'Net,
clicked pop-up, redirect,
so let's knock it off--dude won't buy!"

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/5/2018:
Caught a headline from some Fox News commentator's column… Paraphrasing, more or less, "Would Nixon Have Stayed President if Fox News Were in Existence Then?"

Hmmm.

T-Rump had mused that, without Twitter, he would've never become president so… One more and we have a new Shoddy "News" Source Axis of Evil!...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 1/6/2018:
An ancient sex toy maker's dud did lead
to modern day classic! He sowed the seeds
with toy few bought! Wacky dude
perhaps made, mind on food…
Peanut butter'n jellied anal beads!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/6/2018:
As long-time Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers know, we've pondered, for many moons, the sad fact that certain types of news stories have become so common, we ignore them. Maybe we occasionally release a "(sigh") combing headlines, but otherwise, tales of murders, accidents, shoot-'em-ups, etc. just don't warrant more than fleeting interest from us.

And let's just say, again sadly, that celebrity misconduct news is fast becoming the New Mass Shootings…

Happy First Extra Cheezy Saturday of 2018!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 1/7/2018:
Trump says he supports, sorta, fight
in Iran against mullahs' might!
As with most things, bet
pea brain don't quite get…
So does he know these dudes ain't white?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/7/2018:
Read of a possible Fox News competitor in the possible works.

This is what's its come to for us media watchdogs in these Internet Dark Ages.

Cheering…well, sorta cheering new competition amid biased news sources...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 1/8/2018:
Not filthy rich? Tax Bill's bad news!
Upfront cut's chaser, staves off blues!
Bad medicine warmed,
public uninformed,
with smokescreen of tax cut…on booze!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/8/2018:
There's actually now a process known as "Thai penis whitening."

As long as these folks are workin' rampantly politically incorrect, may we ask… If the most attractive Willie is the object here, why not "Thai penis BLACKENING"?... Allegedly… We've heard and all…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 1/9/2018:
Read pundit say'n', with news from Fox blessed,
years back, Nixon might've kept job, guessed!?
Trump thanked Great Twit for nod…
Though, for most tech, thank God,
it's hard to call new "news" forms "progress"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/9/2018:
So Trump is dubbing himself… He hee.

Ahem. Let's try again.

So Fuehrer Trump has labeled himself… Haw haw haaaawwww… Hoo hoo heeeee. Ahem.

He's called HIMSELF a "genius."

Who the hell does he think he is--Kanye West?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 1/10/2018:
For while I'd try, (guess was just phase),
ev'ry new Subway sandwich craze,
but its recent reuben?
No way--e'en if doobin'!
(Though, how they all taste same… Amazed!)

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/10/2018:
As Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers know, I, unfortunately, have been forced into the healthier eating stuff. Getting older, told to watch blood sugar because of genetic concerns and such, etc., blah blah, yadda yadda.

So when I made my pot of New Year's-ish chicken soup this year, for the noodle and dumpling mix, I tried making the dumplings with this whole grain rye flour I've been using for various things, as a bigger fan of rye than wheat.

I don't bake with the stuff…but don't wanna digress TOO much here.

Well… On the plus-ish side, I think I uncovered a recipe for a top selling, dry dog food brand… Yeah, I've tried the stuff… Again, avoiding the digressin'…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 1/11/2018:
News reading, skip, part jaded coot thing,
some headline types--grim details moot! Brings
more every day!
Now, new theme's joined fray--
sex misconduct the new mass shooting!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/11/2018:
With Oprah Winfrey's sorta, kinda announcement that she'll maybe be running for President in 2020, a hubbub has arisen, from both the "right" and "left."

"We need to focus on politicians with EXPERIENCE and EXPERTISE--not on more celebrities!"

Got news for you, folks.

That battle's already lost.

Politicians, authors, experts, you-name-its… All about celebrity now. And nothing else.

Enjoying the Internet Dark Ages?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 1/12/2018:
In watching our once great Press rotting--
more regs pulled, more mergers, 'Net's plotting
pro writing's death mission!
Forced cheer--competition…
for Fox, 'mong news biased and shoddy!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/12/2018:
Hubbub is ensuing over children and smartphone addiction.

In fact, some big investment firms are calling on Apple to do something about it.

Seriously, though, as every good, modern parent knows, the only way to ensure children's well being is having them raised by the attentive care of…an app…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 1/13/2018:
A horny space trav'ler named Earl
found nymph race on alien world!
Had not interracial
sex, but…inter-space-ial?
Did nebula, rather than swirl!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/13/2018:
Fox News headline--

"Alabama Man Accused of Sexually Molesting Horse"

Could a black saddle trend be coming to the Red Carpet?...

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 1/14/2018:
Seems "Thai penis whit'ning's" a fact--it's thing?
I'll take risk, here, making a crack with zing
of stereotyping!
Though, that, this? Sure hyping!...
Makes more sense to have "penis blackening"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/14/2018:
Apparently, teens are now doing some challenge, often via selfie media video, that entails putting laundry pods in their mouths.

Well, back in the day, parents always warned (and perhaps sometimes came through on the threat) that they'd wash a mealy mouthed brat's mouth out with soap for swearing.

Perhaps all part of our soon-to-be full automated society?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 1/15/2018:
Day hon'ring Martin Luther King,
ponder fact… Well, I've got a thing
for black girls of late!
"Tsk," but, 'mid Trump Hate
Age… Hey! I seek LOVE through that schwing!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/15/2018:
Happy Extra Cheezy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day!...

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DAILY LIMERICK 1/16/2018:
Trump calls HIMSELF "genius"? At best,
'mong simpletons, 'bove av'rage blessed!
But sure is…in own mind!
Delusion/ego blind!
Who's he think he is… Kanye West?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/16/2018:
So, maybe now we should be dubbing such things… "Hawaiian fire drills"?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 1/17/2018:
Last Christmas, went Dickens! Tore loose 'n'
cooked goose! Turkey care pack brought deuce in
fowl! Chicken's fridge staple,
did not, but was able,
to work up new bird spin… "Turgoosen"?!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/17/2018:
About to take a crack, again, at lamb vindaloo.

Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers may recall that I recently attempted the dish and… Well, had a bit of a problem. Thanks to the…er, guess you'd say the syntax of the recipe I downloaded.

Lamb Vindaloo Two--Electric Boogaloo!... (Or something like that, anyway)…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 1/18/2018:
To some, Oprah's a win in Lotto,
while others shout "pols not stars" motto!
Already lost fight, ther'!
Ship's long sailed! All--writers,
celebs, pols; potato, po-tah-to!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/18/2018:
Our science, NASA, space, etc. news feed is lately engaged in pondering our own Milky Way Galaxy's "bulge."

Whenever faraway aliens do undeniably make contact, this may bring us a bragging point!...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 1/19/2018:
With smartphone addicted young brats,
some urge APPLE to come to bat?
Wolves guarding the hens?
New parenting trend's
I guess… Well, "There's an app for that"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/19/2018:
Happy Extra Cheezy Edgar Allan Poe's Birthday!...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 1/20/2018:
Young Yakov, a tall, gangly for'ner
was, with all bod parts, long adorned! Spurred
by length, some grew crooked!
'Fact, cock was like hook--it
could even fuck chicks 'round a corner!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/20/2018:
Scientists at the University of Oslo have vindicated rats as the primary cause of the Black Plague, instead shifting that blame mostly to people.

Just now?

Who the hell do scientists at the University of Oslo think they are--the Catholic Church?...

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 1/21/2018:
'Mid Twitsy fit stokin' ill will,
state well in range, mass missile kill,
rewrites an old phrase--
maneuver muffed, crazed!
That's now an "Hawaiian Fire Drill"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/21/2018:
With the latest entry in Awards Season, now those of us trying to remain truly informed don't only have to contend with fake news…but now fake fake news, to boot!...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 1/22/2018:
Alabama horse alleged rattled
by sex molestation? 'Mid battle
of women against this stuff,
animals next--had 'nuff?
Red carpets soon see…black saddles?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/22/2018:
So Fuehrer Trump's latest campaign ad targets… Huh?

Ever get the feeling that this racist prick doesn't care about being President--he just wants to constantly campaign? After all, he can't shut up about Hillary.

Yeah, there's wisdom in the saying about it not being about the destination but the journey, but this simpleton's takin' that a bit too far…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 1/23/2018:
The latest "awards show's," brand new,
for "fake news"--our Fuehrer's to-do!
Great. New breed, hack jive brings,
for we who are striving
to stay informed--fake fake news, too?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/23/2018:
Another setback for a space launch from Elon Musk's SpaceX?

With all his company's kooky schemes, delays and general screw-ups, private space ventures differ from government-led efforts… How, exactly?...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 1/24/2018:
Now dumplings, I just must include
with chicken soup! With last batch brewed,
made 'em of rye flour--health nod--
seemed to hit, with taste odd,
recipe for dry dog food?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/24/2018:
So I finally prepared lamb vindaloo correctly, and deliciously I might add, after some mishaps with the recipe I found, all much ballyhooed in this Wednesday "Food" space.

According the bulk bachelor method, I made…well, guess the technical term is a "shit load" of the stuff. This entailed blending and grinding up ingredients for liquid marinade, which included a...guess the technical term might be "butt load" of hot peppers.

This was a time-consuming procedure, entailing going back and forth from the Kitchen Front to, say, check the mail, and e-mail, check the mailbox, hit the bathroom, etc., et. al.

So, in a way, this all shook out as the culinary version of a Christmas Tree.

Okay, there'll never be a time where Christmas needles, from various years' Trees, won't be found around my place, but for months, I'll be occasionally picking, and sweeping, up freakin' hot pepper seeds…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 1/25/2018:
Secrets, galaxy's, slow divulge!
But seems tooting horn can indulge
to ETs, roam bent here--
"Our Milky Way's center
sure sports one impressive-ass bulge!"

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/25/2018:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're dinosaurs. Refuse to talk to any Alexa or Siri or what-have-you.

Of course, now and then we ponder this dinosaur status, on voice recognition and other matters. With time, even folks like us sometimes come around to these newfangled things… Wait!

Just read that the NSA has a "voice recognition program."

Then again, there are reasons the dinosaurs ruled the Earth for far longer than we Humans have.

And while we're at it, add Apple's new "face recognition" crap to the list of things we're dinosaur-y about…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 1/26/2018:
Tide laundry pod challenge? Young dopes…
Attraction here? To peg, must grope!
Automated world,
mealy-mouthed boys, girls
now wash their own mouths out with soap?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/26/2018:
So Al Gore's defending Donald Trump… Al Gore? Donald Trump.

Okay, we'll compose ourselves.

So, Gore's only defending trump over… Taxes on solar energy panels?

Good Elvis.

See, first Fuehrer Trump was elected. We were about to throw in the towel on our ability to predict or understand anything in politics anymore.

But we adjusted to this new reality, chocked up T-Rump's rise as an anomaly, a rare instance of a knucklehead "reality" TV star with some mysterious charisma among a certain set, for some unimaginable reason and… Al Gore? Donald Trump? Tax on solar panels?

Gravity check!...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 1/27/2018:
Heard new sex positions? Chuck'd try 'em!
Into his vast repertoire'd, ply 'em!
Came rangy nymph… Tangled?
More like they got "gangled"--
they needed Boy Scout to untie 'em!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/27/2018:
So an asteroid will be passing dangerously close to Earth on February 4th?

Hey, Sundays can be tricky for our dinosaur, cable-TV viewing, so at least this means there'll be something entertaining to watch that night.

Something that's, you know, not some lame-o spectacle we couldn't care two shits about, more hype than substance...

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

******

SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 1/28/2018:
Post ages, Black Plague blamed on rat villains,
Oslo researchers place blame at… Humans?
How slow take's evolving!
Science NOW absolving?
Whose science think it is--the Vatican?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/28/2018:
An in-grocer pharmacy near us proclaims, as a Valentine's Day promo, "Give the Gift of Health with a Shingles Vaccine."

Now, we don't profess to be the most romantic of folks here at Daily Limerick, but…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 1/29/2018:
Competing 'gainst Hil' hasn't waned;
holds rallies--know been Pres. ordained?
Runs ads--money time spent?
He wanna be Pres'dent…
Or just run eternal campaign?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/29/2018:
So… "Fake news!" is the new "Uh… The dog did it!"…

******

DAILY LIMERICK 1/30/2018:
Government trend's to privatize--
save bucks and cut waste down to size?
Take Elon Musk's SpaceX!
Gov muffs all o'er place! 'Fects…
Same--but from private enterprise!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/30/2018:
So Hillary Clinton made a Grammy appearance.

Disturbing because… Oh, let us count the ways!

But, hey, could've been worse. She could've, you know, released some music over the past year.

Amazing to declare, but it would've been a full-on tragedy, had she actually BELONGED there!...

******

DAILY LIMERICK 1/31/2018:
First time I cooked lamb vindaloo,
the recipe's syntax did screw!
Sleuthed prob--by Jove, did it!
So for sequel, hit it!
Take II--Electric Boogaloo!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 1/31/2018:
As is usually the case in these matters, I damned well should've seen this coming, with my growing tolerance and all, and watched myself with these things but… Unfortunately, I overdosed.

The costs could've been much, much higher. Happens that it shook out where I only trashed some pita bread and fixin's for a "pita pizza," losing a snack rather than a meal… Oh.

Sorry to alarm you Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers. I meant I finally "overdosed," so to speak, on hot sauce. Well, in this case, chiles arbol, actually. Finally made something too hot for even me to eat.

But, hey, I'm just as floored as if I had ACTUALLY overdosed. Never, ever thought it could happen to ME…