Daily Limerick
May contain immature content; if you're a minor, go away!
(c)1999-2018 John "Sloop" Biederman
E-mail us here--
missives@dailylimerick.net
Archives: June 2018
DAILY LIMERICK 6/1/2018:
Folks on Facebook thanking God… Wait! In this
world of woe'd take time to be slatin' THIS?
Though, sure, omnipresent,
that's one place, I'm guessin',
God'd NOT be… But I've no doubt Satan is!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/1/2018:
Now, Slapper Yapper Grasshoppers should know that we at Daily Limerick are… Hmm, what's the best term here? Progressive? Tolerant? Diversity loving? Aw, we'll say it directly--non-freakin' racist, non-sexist, non-homophobic, non-transphobic, what have you.

Yeah, our Chief Limericist and the, er, um…staff is white. And, sure, we can do better--but we try. We're perhaps ignorant in some cases of things like white privilege or what-have-you, but, again, we try--have even suffered through bouts of insidious Guilty White Over-Liberalism.

Thus we're really grateful that, with all our chemical dalliances (mostly in the distant past), we've only messed with sleeping pills a couple of times… It's just coming out now--that stuff makes you racist!...

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DAILY LIMERICK 6/2/2018:
Now, smug Spike, he'd use it to knock! Stirred
soups cooking with--'spite all the shock spurred!
Game, softball, up-choked; hit!...
He finally broke it!
Could say that Spike got bit too cocksure!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/2/2018:
Yet another headline about workers in Digital Robber Baron Amazon's warehouses, this one involving 9-1-1 calls, electrocution and even a miscarriage!

Despite the feud, oddly enough, Bozos is fighting another front in Fuehrer Trump's ill-conceived squabbles with China.

Complementing the Trade War with a Sweatshop War!...

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

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SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 6/3/2018:
Saw ref to top App Store app gauged
in headline, so read, for quest sage…
Tik Tok--to make lip sync vids?
Name for times, 'selves we kid!
We're in Info-Tainment Age!

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SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/3/2018:
The State of Arizona has legislation giving delivery robots the same rights as human pedestrians.

Really?

Keeping in mind the aims of American government… Who in the hell does Arizona think robots are--corporations?...

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DAILY LIMERICK 6/4/2018:
These drug ads sure cover all bases!
List side effects, may cause, some cases…
Dry mouth! Anal leakage!
New one causing freak is,
though, Ambien--stuff turns you racist!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/4/2018:
Pundits are mulling the fact that Big Tech, actively political throughout its existence, has suddenly gone quiet on that front.

But it boils down to the simple philosophy of "shut up if you know what's good for you."

Oddly enough, Big Tech is mirroring the political philosophy of our Top Dog by taking this "devil may care" attitude toward how things affect the world beyond its realm.

Thus Big Tech IS being political by embodying the same underlying goal of "Making itself great again"…

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DAILY LIMERICK 6/5/2018:
Warehouses', where Amazon sets opps,
conditions… Just say not work set's tops!
Strangely open a door
to match foe Trump's trade war--
fights China with own War of Sweatshops!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/5/2018:
This is how it always happens--the people who least need the money win these. (Sigh.)

So, of all people, Fuehrer Donald Trump wins the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes. You know… What?

Oh. That's just a giant envelope from North Korea's Kim Jong Un…

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DAILY LIMERICK 6/6/2018:
Problem with organics? When have full-
packed schedule? The keep time unravels!
Organics at…Walmart?
Price 'ready means your cart's
produce--sketchy! They use time travel?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/6/2018:
BBC Headline--

"WWI Soldier's 103-Year-Old Chocolate Found"

Admittedly, didn't read the actual story, but I'll hazard a guess as to where it was found--

The Walmart snack aisle?...

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DAILY LIMERICK 6/7/2018:
Deliv'ry 'bots, fact, life, 'cross nation,
Ar'zona's determined their station--
pedstrians' rights? Same fate!
Who the hell does that state
think these 'bots are--corporations?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/7/2018:
The Miss America pageant--yeah, every now and then a story comes out on it that reminds us it's still around--is eliminating the swimsuit competition because… #MeToo, society's addiction to overreaction, etc.

Which eliminates the final reason we had to watch it. Not that we did more than a during-commercial tune-in or anything, but, yeah…

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DAILY LIMERICK 6/8/2018:
Some question why Big Tech's, of late,
abandoned political slate!
See principles jut
'gainst stuff like tax cuts--
top goal, like Pres.? Makin' SELF great!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/8/2018:
My, is Fuehrer Trump's cabinet kept busy! Never seen anything like it!

In fact, there's just one word to describe their frenzied state, really.

Oh, there are many words that could be dubbed "correct" assumptions, of course--that the way the nuance of language works. But in trying to hit the exact, if subjective, term… Well, gotta say they're "swamped"…

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DAILY LIMERICK 6/9/2018:
Warm holiday, not for dad, mom, is
to hail Life perk, frankly, The Bomb! Bridge
of flesh, 'tween two, by mouth
to pleasure zone, down south…
All mark Six-Nine with oral homage!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/9/2018:
Happy… (Sigh.)

We keep tryin' to make this into a Holiday. Seriously, look at the date…via numerals and… Hey, we're a freakin' LIMERICK site, gotta be on this one. Anyway…

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

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SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 6/10/2018:
See rich guys win these, can lose hope!
But that's him, in grin and grab, scoped!
Trump, Publishers Clearing House?
Whoops!... Guess I knee-jerk groused--
Kim Jong Un's huge envelope?

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SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/10/2018:
Now, if you're a filthy rich cat, or kitten… convicted of some hideous crime… completely undeserving of leniency in your sentence…. regardless of your political ideology, it seems… hangin' around Fuehrer Trump... and you, say, need to get around him for some reason, but he's in your path… Say, "Excuse me."

Whatever you do, don't say, "Pardon me." Or he may actually do just that!...

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DAILY LIMERICK 6/11/2018:
So now Miss America drops
swimsuit competition? Off lops
for #MeToo Age? So… (Yawn.)
One reason to watch, gone!
("Watch" meant ogle channel-surf stop!)

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/11/2018:
So Meghan Markle is being criticized for wearing an "inappropriate" off-the-shoulder dress for the queen's birthday parade.

At this point, from just Twits and such, but you know that behind closed doors… Nonetheless, gotta imagine that, by this point, she's used to getting royally screwed...

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DAILY LIMERICK 6/12/2018:
Though Scandal Fest's taxpayer comped,
Trump's cabinet, with workload's, whomped!
One word best describes it,
though many might jibe, fit--
for some reason, I'm thinkin' "swamped"!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/12/2018:
NASA scientists have been studying a strange phenomenon that occurred, decades back, with human travel to the Moon, whereby its temperature apparently rose.

Great. Now we also have to worry about "Moon warming"…

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DAILY LIMERICK 6/13/2018:
Found soldier's choc'late bar, 'round while--
one hundred, three years, undefiled!
Details? Unaware!
Can hazard guess, where--
perhaps in the Walmart snack aisle?

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SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/13/2018:
A new-ish staple of my bachelor/bargain cooking routine entails ham steaks.

They have 'em at one of my grocers, usually in the 8-ounce size, two for $5 or $6, many times.

Now, of course, I rarely just throw down a chunk of meat like that for a meal. Meaning, something else has to be added to the equation so… Eggs.

Ham and eggs. Pita toast on the side.

Oh, there's an array of ways one can craft a meal around ham, sure. And I might've done something else with the ham steaks myself over the years, like… Well, I can't recall. I only MIGHT'VE done something else with 'em. Once. Twice, max.

Hey, I consider myself a highly accomplished home chef, folks, but… The pairing is just near perfect.

Ham WITHOUT eggs? Unthinkable!

If it ain't broke, don't fix 'em any other way, I guess you could say…

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DAILY LIMERICK 6/14/2018:
If you're con, 'round Pres., dirty rat,
crimes heinous, no remorse, fat cat,
and in his way, find, you be,
please don't say, "Pardon me"…
He just might do…well, just that!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/14/2018:
History being made this week! It appears that, from here out, North Korea will no longer… Well, it's probably gonna shake out pretty much the same as it has for nearly a century now, what with human rights abuses and a totalitarian regime and threats leveled at the West.

But the most important problem regarding that secretive, rough realm will be solved--Fuehrer Trump will be able to open hotels there!...

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DAILY LIMERICK 6/15/2018:
Meg Markle's dress showed shoulder nude--
Queen's b-day thing! Many call "rude"!
Though Queen's ire, may see,
I'd guess by now she's
used to getting royally screwed!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/15/2018:
So Ivanka Trump twitted a fake "Chinese proverb."

Not surprised one bit. We're living in an increasingly fake world with an entire fake "reality."

But as long as one's gonna do THAT… At least make it an amusing one, ala "He who goes to bed with itchy butt…wakes up with smelly finger"…

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DAILY LIMERICK 6/16/2018:
Girlie got waxed--her summer plan! Wool
gone! All smooth--and thus smoothly handled!
'Fact so smooth, with break-in,
pull-out, rub, fast--quakin'!…
Wax lit his wick up like a candle!

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/16/2018:
Okay, NOW we get it.

At first, we thought Fuehrer Trump's love affair with Roseanne Barr was, amazingly enough, purely because he liked having a pro-Trump offering out of Hollywood.

Not that he isn't simple minded enough for that to be the case, of course. And it may be an icing-on-the-cake reason.

But now the top reason is becoming painstakingly obviously--somebody on Twitter to render his twits not the absolute stupidest!...

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...

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SUNDAY DAILY LIMERICK 6/17/2018:
Earth temps rising far beyond norm brings
concern, understandably forming!
One fix? Get to space!
But early space race
now brings worry new of… Moon warming?

***

SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/17/2018:
Headline--

"Tourists Plunge 100 Feet to Their Death While Taking Selfie on Wall Above Popular Portuguese Beach"

That outta straighten out Evolution doubters--Darwinism still working its wonders…

And Happy Extra Cheezy Father's Day!...

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DAILY LIMERICK 6/18/2018:
So Ivanka twit-ted false… What?
Chinese proverb? Just went with gut--
no research? Like dad! She flew
by red flag of "He who
goes to bed with itchy butt…"?

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SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/18/2018:
Are you one of those folks with little education, nothing in the way of a "trade skill" or its likes, forced to take the crappiest jobs with poor treatment by employers, lousy pay, little room for advancement and next to nothing regarding job security?

Yeah, technology is eliminating previous go-to fields for the likes of you, such as telemarketing… But word is that Washington, D.C. is gonna see a Trump Job Fair!...

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DAILY LIMERICK 6/19/2018:
To all, wish a Happy Juneteenth!
The date on which slaves were set free-nth!
Though we've come long way,
these are Trump-y days…
Keep guard up--so repeal ain't seen-th!

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SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/19/2018:
Happy Extra Cheezy Juneteenth!...

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DAILY LIMERICK 6/20/2018:
My bachelor, bulk cooking quest
brings ham steaks to grind--more for less!
Taste so good with eggs, hit rut!
So last time, tell you what--
brainstormed and made ham with… Guess.

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SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/20/2018:
I called International Salisbury Steak Day!

Well, not really. Called an extra one. Kinda how when radio stations and stores cry, "Christmas in July"? Hey, I invented the Holiday.

Yeah, the REAL International Salisbury Steak Day comes with the first South Park of the new, fall season. But over the years I've taken to calling an extra one for the spring season of South Park, although… Well, the show pretty much owns Comedy Central and apparently does that spring season only when it feels like it.

There was no spring season this time around. And it sure as hell wasn't oven weather when I did it.

But, hey, had a taste for the Salisbury Steaks--a frozen package was calling to me, from the freezer--and, I'll remind you, it's MY freakin' Holiday, so there you go…

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DAILY LIMERICK 6/21/2018:
Sure, show was rare Trump-lovin' hit
from Hollywood! And babblings fit
Trump's racist, pea-brained world view,
but top cause, fate boo-hooed?
For while, out-whackjobbed Chief Twit!

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SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/21/2018:
Happy Extra Cheezy Summer 2018!... (Kicking off 6:07 a.m. CST)…

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DAILY LIMERICK 6/22/2018:
Think talks, North Korea, go well?
Seems same old, same old--no show; tell!
Talks of treaties, nukes--all right!
Not freedoms, human rights?
First things first--sell Trump hotels!

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SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/22/2018:
A certain…er, species is now finally facing extinction, after evolving into a near-perfect being, one which thrived through all the changes brought with time.

In this case, we're celebrating this extinction. Good riddance!

Talking about what appears to be… The end of production on "The Jerry Springer Show"?...

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DAILY LIMERICK 6/23/2018:
There once was chronic masturbator,
when humping steel pipe in park, fate stirred
a thunderstorm and--poor clod!--
sheath made cock lightning rod…
Now he's the Human Vibrator!

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SLAPPIN' AND YAPPIN' 6/23/2018:
New York GOP congressional candidate Michael Grimm, gettin' Trumpy on the campaign stump, says the cries of undocumented immigrant children being torn from their parents are just the same whinings of kids being dropped at daycare.

This guy should package his claims into a book and call it…oh, maybe something like "Grimm's Fairy Tales"?...

Happy Extra Cheezy Saturday!...