Daily Limerick Archives: October 1999
Contains Mature (and immature) Content;If You’re a Minor, Go Away!
NOTE: DL has not yet taken the time to put "anchors" into the archives. Translation: You're gonna have to scroll all the way through the long-ass documents (use your "find" commands, squatlicks)!
You’ve been referred or otherwise selected to receive a sample of the FREE Daily Limerick e-mail service! As limericks are naughty little things, you MUST REPLY TO THIS E-MAIL AND REQUEST TO BE PUT ON THE LIST if you want to be a Daily Limerick “subscriber”! Again, below is a NAUGHTY LIMERICK! Close and delete this message if that’s not up your alley!
There was a young fella named Trent
who was quite a debonair gent—
but the ranks of his women
did quickly start to slimmin’
when he quit eating pussy for Lent.
There once was a horny Iraqi
who had a strong fetish for khaki.
Watched ads for the Gap
with both hands in his lap
to give his John Thomas a whacky.
I knew an ample bosomed girl
who climbed aboard a Tilt A Whirl—
fell forward, mid ride,
into the lap of Clyde
which gave her a necklace of pearl.
A man who had foreplay for days
slid into a sexual daze
how inside it burned!
—the semen it churned—
and shot in globs like mayonnaise.
A young man from rural Missouri
gave both of his folks quite a worry
’cause he got quite a log
at the sight of hedgehog
—they got him to a shrink in a hurry!
A young nudist known as Adair
had strange and multi-colored hair.
But he often was shot
by the outdoorsy lot
’cause he looked like a peacock down there.
A waitress at a near-bankrupt dina’
was faced with a shortage of China
Got great tips from the guys
but the dames hid their eyes
when she served coffee from her vagina.
There was a young fella from Bristol
whose penis was shaped like a pistol.
Was once robbed by a slut—
puled it out, yelled “My Butt!”—
now his thing’s in her collection of crystal.
A young man and woman, both rube
thought to reproduce in a test tube
so the guy threw his Willie
in the test tube, how silly!
It’s removal’s out-toughed Rubik’s Cube!
There was a young fella named Shayne
who desired to make love to a plane.
With a 7-2-7
he found his bit of heaven
and then got his ass kicked by a train.
There was a young man named Mahoney
who for a job drove a Zambonie
he’d cruise ’cross the ice
eyeing dames who looked nice
bopping on his ice cold blue baloney.
While out for a mid-morning jog
out of nowhere, a man gained a log—
to prevent the log’s waste
hopped a fence, in a haste
and then mounted some old farmer’s hog.
There once was a fine limerick writer
who attached to his dong a Bic lighter.
Now his mate calls him “hot”
but there’re scars on her twot
from the way that cock burns up inside her.
A man who sold shoes barely fed
himself and his cat he named Ned.
But he gets perks through deals
that he gives on high heels
that are soon worn above ladies’ heads.
One day cruising chicks in a mall
I met a young slut who was small
I pulled out, sans cloth
to sop up the broth
absorbed by her hairdo so tall.
There was a young bimbo named Bubbles
whose two friends did always cause troubles.
Yes many a man
had been foiled in his plan
by her pals the, 4-4 and D Doubles.
I man asked a woman quite droll,
“What shall we use for birth control?”
“There’s none that we need?”
said she; “What of my seed?”
said he; “None,” she said, “yo—other hole!”
I once put my cock in a hose
(I thought that it would give good blows)
I cranked up the water
higher than I oughter
and my jism backed up out my nose.
There was a dame, lived on a heath
whose hubby one day did bequeath
a punch in the chops—
he almost made COPS—
for better head comes with no teeth!
Why do they call it “World Wide Web”
My not name it something like “Jeb”?
I found a fine tricky
on line, made me sticky
now I know why—her name is Deb!
There was a pool school boy named Reggie
who one day seemed quite a bit edgy
we asked him, sans tact,
what was up his crack—
turns out he had just got a wedgie!
There was a young sailor named Art
’twas gay as hell, and he loved Bart.
One day found lucky clover—
and for Bart he bent over—
but he screwed up the bang with a fart!
There was a man whom we called Ziggy
who wanted to really get jiggy.
So he went to a dance
but down fell his pants—
a problem? Well, it was no biggie.
In a cooking class, making Gazpacho
I started to feel rather macho.
Turned to my classmate, Rita
(quite a fine señorita)
we together made sauce for her nacho.
There was a young fella’ named Barney
who looked quite a bit like Art Carney.
He’d open his jeans
put his schlong in some beans
and serve chicks his chilie con carne.
I once put a snake in my butt
(thought it’d help me dance the King Tut).
But, once word got around,
all the reptiles in town
came ’roud ’cause they heard I’s a slut.
There once was a biker named Charlie
who liked to make love on his Harley.
He tried 69
one night after much wine—
the exhaust burned his ass rather gnarley.
I know this odd fellow named Shappy
whose love-making skills are quite crappy.
His sex life’s the pits—
he takes what he gets—
and that’s why he caught him the clappy.
My trousers ripped open one day
and my Willie greeted the day.
But to my chagrin
a young lady walked in,
I said, “Help yourself to the buffet.”
Because Javier was a junky
with hard-ons he was quite a flunky.
His schlong was so iffy
when he’d get a jiffy
he’d stop on the spot and spank monkey.
I knew a girl—dressed as a Djinni
for Halloween night—what a scen-ey!
That showed off her tummy
which looked so damn yummy
that I showed her my Halloweenie!
WIN BIG PRIZES BY RECRUITING NEW DAILY LIMERICK SUBSCRIBERS! Well, win a little prize, anyway. Due to lack of popular demand, we’re continuing our September offer into October! (Until it becomes too difficult for me to fulfill—act now!)
THE OFFER: Recruit a subscriber—that is, have THEM e-mail ME and indicate that YOU referred them—and you get your own limerick from the Daily Limerick! Just give Daily Limerick the name, subject, etc. you want the limerick about—within reason—and you’ll be the envy of all your friends!
The Daily Limerick started as a way of hyping the All Limerick Poetry Slam at the 10th Anniversary National Poetry Slam festivities in Chicago, 1999! As host, I was so amused at the luke-warm response received that I decided to continue the slam for at least a year! It’s a pain in my ass—and I don’t guarantee GOOD limericks, only DAILY limericks—but as long as it keeps growing, it keeps going!
P.S.—We’re seeking advertisers—and we’ll take porn and tobacco ads!
(c)1999-2013 John "Sloop" Biederman. All Rights Reserved.